How I Made "The Cabin in the Woods" Even Scarier

Back in the spring, I was up for a position as a Pop Culture Blogger for a national website.  After several article submissions, I was shortlisted (yay!) & a new task was given: post a vlog of a movie review on Youtube (ack!).  This terrified me.

While I have always loved the stage (come see me as Tzeitel in Fiddler on The Roof next month!), without a written script I can be awkward.  Not quite as awkward as 12yr old me, but enough to be anxious in social situations without bourbon:

I'm a fast-talker: I stumble over words, having to repeat myself. 

I'm a loud-talker: I don't even know how it happens, but I often find myself yelling about there being no bourbon (oops, I just woke your baby up).

I'm a hand-talker: I'm constantly knocking things over, so I need a 3' buffer between myself & all glasses of wine (& also babies).

I'm a blusher: If I misspeak, I will know it, you will know it, we will all know it.  I'll probably yell about it later & wake your babies so I can spill wine on them & embarrass myself some more.*

I am a disaster at parties where I am the DD, so posting a video of myself casually chatting was going to be a problem.  Looking back, I should have just filled my coffee cup with Woodford Reserve instead of coffee & WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS EARLIER?

I really wanted this writing position, though, so I jumped in with both feet.  Choosing a movie to review was the easy part...it happened to be the opening weekend for a movie I was already very excited about: The Cabin in the Woods, which was released on Blu-Ray & DVD today.

The vlog didn't have to be perfect, or professional - it was mostly to get a sense of the personality behind the writing.  The last thing I wanted to do was submit a bland webcam video, so I enlisted my son to help.  Watching it now, there are moments I regret cutting, & I really wish I had taken my husband's advice & left one part in particular out.  Ugh.  I hadn't made a point of sharing this video with anyone, aside from family & close friends (& a "blink & you'll miss it" appearance in the first ever Confectionery) but here is the result (spoiler-free):

 

So, making that video was fun...putting it out there on YouTube?  Not so much.  YouTube is full of people who post videos of themselves rambling incoherently with piles of dirty laundry behind them in their messy bedrooms.  I will never understand those people; I was stressed that the fireplace wasn't consistent.  I had over 2 hours of footage to edit into this 5 minute video.  Perhaps I spend too much time trying to ensure that anything I post is up to my standards, but in my defense, I'd like to remind you that tweets are being archived by the Library of Congress, so...the internet is forever, people!

I don't understand the Dirty Laundry YouTube People**, & I feel the same when it comes to writing.  One blogger in particular irks me every time I see a post retweeted on Twitter.  The issues I have aren't typos or little grammar mistakes (please don't go "Grammar Police" on me), or even the no-punctuation-writing that's become a style of its own these days - it's just awful writing.  There is a lack of basic sentence structure that makes me question whether or not this person can read.  How could anyone write so poorly & present it to the public?  And how in the world could anyone else think it was decent enough to be shared?  Am I the only person who reads what I've written out loud before publishing?***

This video helped me make it to the Top 3 out of many candidates.  While I ultimately didn't get the position, I was pleased with the response.  Stepping outside of my comfort zone to do this vlog was scary, but I'm so glad I made & submitted it.  My friend Allison Baggio once told me not to wait for a writing opportunity - just write, write, write.  Well, she's a published author, so I listened to her, & she was right.  If I hadn't started writing my Survivor recaps & various other blog posts, I wouldn't have had anything to show for this job application.  I wouldn't have made it to the shortlist, let alone the Top 3.  One of my ideas for that gig was a series where I would share my favourite pop culture tidbits of the week.  Once I realized that I didn't have to give up on that idea just because I didn't get that job, The Confectionery series was born.  No, I don't have the readership they would have given me, but I've kept writing & you've kept reading, & I thank you for that.

Now please watch The Cabin in the Woods so we can talk/tweet about this incredible film, spoilers & all!

*Hmmm...I may also be an over-analyzer.  I will look into it.

**Amazing band name.  You're welcome.

***OK, I see it now.  I will work on this for really reallz.

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The Confectionery - 17

These are the things that I think are great.

NERDY PINCUSHIONS

I need to have one of these in my life.  The fact that I am useless with a needle & thread is not the real issue here - choosing which one I want the most is.  So what if I never actually use it?  

Boba Fett Fat Cat

Indiana Jones Fat Cat

Check out Fat Cat Crafts' Etsy page for more designs featuring Dr. Who, Star Trek, Super Mario, & more.

TESLA VS EDISON

General Electric recently began a marketing campaign using Thomas Edison, based on the Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme.

Brilliant, you say.  Sure, if you aren't aware of Thomas Edison's jerktastic history of stealing other people's ideas.  Edison was a founder of GE, so it's obvious why they are using him in their ads, but for an internet campaign (when the internet kind of hates him), it seems ill-advised.   Anywhere these memes are posted, you will find comments that amount to "Edison was a douche.  Nicola Tesla FTW!" 

I didn't know anything about Tesla until I saw The Prestige, which made me want to find out more (because if David Bowie plays you in a movie, you must to be a special kind of awesome).

My favourite explanation of Tesla's awesomeness is this comic from The Oatmeal.  Please, please, please read it.  Then read about this campaign to build the first Tesla Museum on the New York property where Tesla tried to, you know, provide free wireless energy for the entire planet.  Just another day for Nicola.  The project's goal was $850,000 - just enough to buy the land.  To date, $1,250,925 has been raised (more is still needed to build the actual museum).  I told you the internet loved Tesla, right?  Donate here.

THE WIRE: RPG & LEGO VERSIONS

College Humor has created another imagined RPG, as they did with Game of Thrones & several other series.  This time The Wire gets spoofed, & you can watch it here with a bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios & whiskey...but if you haven't seen all 5 seasons of this incredible show, stay away until you have!   There are as many spoilers as there are bodies in the vacants.

Also watch this LEGO version of The Wire.  Shiiiiiiiiiiit, it is awesome.

CLOCKWORK - K'NEX BALL MACHINE

When I showed this to my son, he said "It's amazing how talented some people in this world are."  Creator & YouTube user Austron says this project "took 8 months to build, has over 40,000 pieces, over 450 feet of track, 21 different paths, 8 motors, 5 lifts, and a one-of-a-kind computer-controlled crane, as well as two computer-controlled illuminated K'nex balls."

Love it.

BUDDY GUY & JONNY LANG

This past week, my husband & I saw blues legend Buddy Guy in concert with Jonny Lang.  Buddy Guy is 76 & it was a treat to see him play & interact with the crowd.  Here's a video that someone uploaded from the concert - Hoochie Coochie Man, including Buddy scolding the audience at the 2:20 mark:

Jonny Lang blew us away.  If you're not familiar with his later work, you probably remember the teenager with the skill & voice of a blues veteran in 1997, when Lie To Me came out.  Now he's in his 30s, & the passion he sings with makes me wonder if he's this intense in his every day life.  No videos from our show have been uploaded yet (although enough people were recording with their phones, so come on, people!), but here's a song he played that's been stuck in my head since:

So great.  If you have a chance to see them live, GO!

Those were my favourite sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!


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Ben Folds Five - The Sound of the Life of the Mind

The Sound of the Life of the Mind, the first Ben Folds Five album in 13 years, is finally here.  While Ben Folds has had a prolific solo career, there is something very special about this reunion with Darren Jessee & Robert Sledge.  When I wrote about the unique way this album was made, I said "To me, Ben Folds Five has always been equal parts fun & heart...whatever this album becomes, I'm sure it will be that, however it gets in my ears."  You guys, I was right.

As a VP of Promotions for this album, I received a copy a week before the official release.  I've had it for a few days & have listened to it endlessly.  It's beautiful, & lucky for you, the songs are streaming now.

The album opens with "Erase Me", & I LOVE IT.  Haunting harmonies, that distorted bass, angry vocals, a touch of Danny Elfman, a thumping breakdown...it's without a doubt the proggiest song BF5 has ever written & I adore it.  I imagine this song being sung to the Song For The Dumped girl:

I guarantee you'll be singing along.  Fireworks.
Erase me, so you don't have to face me. 
Put me in ground and mow the daisies.
Listen to "Erase Me" here.


"Michael Praytor, Five Years Later" boasts a killer bass-line, soaring falsettos & jazzy piano.  Everyone has someone they keep running into over the years.  Michael Praytor is that guy.
Michael Praytor, so random.
Who knows why some satellites come by and by,
while others disappear into the sky?
Dance to "Michael Praytor, Five Years Later" here.


"Sky High" has a relaxed 80s Marc Cohen/Phil Collins/Don Henley feel. One of the 2 Reinhold Messner-like songs on this album.  Lyrics by Darren Jessee.
Pawn shop billboard: "We Buy Gold".
Old dreams just fade and twist; it's a heartache that never ended.
The brightness of air, out walking somewhere,
and when they ask you, just tell them that you knew me back when,
under the blue sky.
Listen to "Sky High" here.


The title track is a pulsing epic with lyrics by Nick Hornby, left over from his collaboration with Ben Folds, Lonely Avenue.  The song tells of a girl who isn't quite ready to leave school behind.
Sara, well, she just can't bear the stupidity, the boredom, the grind.
She stays at school so that she can hear the sound of the life of the mind.
Listen to "The Sound of the Life of the Mind" here.


"On Being Frank" is my favourite of the album so far.  A nod to Frank Sinatra, it is all sweeping strings & Burt Bacharach swagger.  No stranger to eulogies-in-song, Ben Folds wrote "Late" about Elliott Smith for his second solo album, Songs For Silverman:

I can imagine Sinatra's version of "On Being Frank" in my head, & it's heartbreaking.
I had it all, or should I say I saw it all?
And it's a long way from the dustbin of New Jersey to the top; Who would have known?
Listen to "On Being Frank" here.  And then listen to it again, because it's stunning.


When you've finished drying your tears from "On Being Frank", thinking that Ben Folds Five has grown into such a mature band, "Draw A Crowd" begins.  A fun, bouncy song with the lyrics: If you can't draw a crowd, draw dicks on a wall.  It brings to mind the playfulness of an early BF5 favourite, "Underground":

I only wanted to be Stevie Wonder, 
but I had to settle for this vanilla thunder.
Taste the vanilla thunder & listen to "Draw A Crowd" here.


"Do It Anyway" surfaced several months ago as the first single, & it begins with frantic piano & a familiar-sounding bass-line that immediately recalls "The Last Polka", a brilliant song from their self-titled debut:

There will be times you might leap before you look.
There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book.
Do it anyway.
Listen to "Do It Anyway" here.
*Update: this AMAZING video for "Do It Anyway" has just been released.  Watch your childhood become even more awesome:

From the second the drums kick in, "Hold That Thought" clips along like a train.  A mellow train, similar to "Brick".  I like this one more & more with each listen.
The Chinese doctor took her arm, gazed at the floor & read her wrist for the secrets in her mind.
'Here's your medicine', she said, 'If you not smile at him, then someone else will'.
You hold that thought, & I'll hold that thought, too.
Listen to "Hold That Thought" here.


"Away When You Were Here" is another gorgeous eulogy, this time for a less-than-ideal Father.
This morning I wake to be older than you were.
Fresh white snow for miles, every footstep will be mine.
You'd have lost that weight, you'd have gone so straight,
you'd have made my Wedding day.
Listen to "Away When You Were Here" here.


This album began with a breakup song, & it closes with one.  The first was bitter & nasty, & this one is a tearjerker.  "Thank You For Breaking My Heart" is most beautiful ballad Ben's written since "The Luckiest", my husband's & my wedding song:

Guess I thought it wouldn't happen, that I could care until it hurt.
And the ironic timing, the clouds & their linings had opened up & poured.
Thank you for breaking my heart - now I know that it's in there.
What a fool to imagine that you'd feel the same, but you know better.
Weep along with "Thank You For Breaking My Heart" here.

Equal parts fun & heart, & it's cool to know that my contribution to the Ben Folds Five pledgemusic campaign helped this album become what it is.  The Sound of the Life of the Mind is released on Tuesday, Sept. 18.  Pre-order it here.

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The Confectionery - 16

These are the things that I think are great.

AMERICAN PSYCHO CUPCAKES

Jade Thompson had these made for her boyfriend & now I kind of wish I was her boyfriend.  Everything about these is wonderful.  The business card (is that pale nimbus white?), the videotape, the book, the weapons & HOLY BATEMAN, the "Don't just stare at it, eat it" quote.  Perfection.

Those are very fine cupcakes you're not eating.

 BREAKING WARS/STARS BAD

I love Breaking Bad, & I love Star Wars.  Over at Something Awful, they host a Photoshop Phriday, where their users take on a particular theme.  This week it was Breaking Bad meets Star Wars, & some of these are genius.  

You can view the whole gallery of images here, but beware of Breaking Bad spoilers!

 BAD LIP READING OF TWILIGHT

Think Twilight is bloody awful, but can't get away from it?  A bad lip reading of Twilight makes it much more palatable.  Such a vast improvement on the dialogue - how dare she eat his cake!  Hilarious.

 Kevvvvvvin.

PLANTS VS ZOMBIES TOYS

Toys "R" Us stores now have based-on-an-app sections, featuring toys from Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, Annoying Orange, & Where's My Water.  But where are the beloved zombies & plant warriors from the always fun Plants Vs Zombies? Popcap has finally created a line of toys & they. are. adorable.

These guys are available at thinkgeek.com

Available for pre-order now, along with Sunflower, Squash & Jalapeno here.

Way to ignore my brain & head straight for my heart, Disco Zombie!  I want all of them.  They will go lovely with my "Plants vs Zombies"-themed kitchen, don't you think?

 FACE JUGGLER

This is an app you need to have.  Face Juggler immediately identifies & swaps the faces in a picture, with amusing results.  The free version lets you swap 2 faces, & the $1.99 version will let you swap up to 10 faces in 1 photo.  It is entertaining.

From this:

To this:

Check it out here.




Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!

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The Confectionery - 15

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

HOGWARTS TREE HOUSES

J.K. Rowling has been given permission to build Hogwarts-inspired tree houses for her 2 youngest children.  40' tall, on stilts, complete with a rope bridge, secret tunnels & an owl post.  After looking at these plans, I am not ashamed to say that I am jealous of these kids.

Maybe the smaller house will be stocked with Butterbeer & treats from Honeydukes.  How I wish I could apparate.

STAR WARS ART - AMANDA VISELL

Artist Amanda Visell has created Star Wars wooden figures, complete with boxes to display them in, or next to.  They are pretty much the most adorable things ever.  I mean, Princess Leia comes with a comb & a mirror.

See Amanda's whimsical Star Wars series here, & spend all day looking at, & maybe purchasing, her beautiful art - paintings, sculptures, & figures - here.

LEGO'S 80th ANNIVERSARY

Recently LEGO released a short film to celebrate its 80th Anniversary.  The film tells the story of the Christiansen family behind the Danish company, & of the struggles & persistence that resulted in what is arguably the greatest toy ever.  (I say "arguably" to be fair, but if you actually argue with this, I don't think we can be friends.)  Of course, being a LEGO-lover, I already knew much of this incredible story, but there are details that were new to me (I knew that LEGO got its name from the Danish phrase meaning "Play Well", but I didn't know what LEGO coincidentally means in Latin: "I Put It Together").  The short film is beautiful, charming & touching.  I love that it includes a reference to the photo taken of the 3 generations of Christiansens who have run the company, Ole, Godtfred & Kjeld.  Well done as always, LEGO.

SAN FRANCISCO KINETIC TOOTHPICK SCULPTURE

Scott Weaver has been working on this toothpick sculpture of San Francisco for 35 years.  35 years. For detailed photos of each section, & a video of ping pong balls moving through the sections (explained by Scott), go here.  The man loves his city, & would be a great spokesperson for Elmer's Glue, as he says it's the only glue he has used.  35 years! 

A-HA - TAKE ON ME

Yes, I'm aware it's not 1985, but I feel this must be shared.  On Saturday I was at a wedding & found out that a 21 year old acquaintance of mine did not know this song.  At all.  Not even from an 80's-themed party or anything.  She didn't even know the iconic video, & I practically acted it out on the dance floor.  Clearly, there needs to be a resurgence in the popularity of this song & video.  Share it with the young people in your life, immediately.

Be sure to check out the literal video version of Take On Me at funnyordie, & if you've never seen a literal video version, you MUST begin with Total Eclipse of The Heart.  It is the best thing the internet has come up with, IMO.  I still think "Fonzie's Been Cloned" & "Mullet With Headlights" would be amazing band names.

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!

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The Confectionery - 14

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

ROM-COM FACE-SWAP

Finally, a site that compiles all your favourite Romantic Comedy movie posters with the faces swapped.  I seriously love Sandra Bullock as a man in both of her posters featured on this site, but this poster has a tiny Ryan Reynolds, so...

And because I can't just choose one favourite, here's another one I can't stop staring at.  Is it just me, or do they look better like this?

 

See more of  your favourites, with a twist, here.

WAMPA ICE SCRAPER

I know it's still August, & nobody should be thinking about the harsh realities of winter, but these are too full of awesome to wait.  Canada isn't quite the frozen wasteland Hoth is, but these new Wampa ice scrapers from thinkgeek will help me pretend.

I might get 2 & lumber around roaring & swiping at people.  They would certainly come in handy for snow-shoveling wars with the neighbours.  Available in October for $24.99, you can sign up to be notified by email when they're in stock here.

THE ADDAMS FAMILY CAST DOES NEWSIES

Perhaps I'm moving too quickly from nerd territory into super-nerd territory, but this must be shared.  The touring cast of The Addams Family reworked the opening song from Newsies, "Carryin' The Banner".  Tired of moping around on stage, here they dream about singing & dancing as happily as those newsboys, imagining "a show with no more snaps".

THEATRE PEOPLE ARE AWESOME.  Compare with the original version from my #1 sick day movie pick, Newsies.  Because how could Christian Bale in a Disney musical about unions in 1899 New York not improve your day?

BABY GOT BACK - SUNG BY THE MOVIES

This made me laugh.  To see a full list of movies used, go here & hover over the CC button.

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!

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Survivor: Philippines - The Cast

With only 29 days until the premiere of Survivor: Philippines, here is a quick rundown of the newly announced cast.

The "Meet the cast" videos are at cbs.com (or for those outside the US, they are on YouTube), & you can watch the Dalton Ross pre-show interviews via Entertainment Weekly.

I'll divide everyone up into their 3 tribes, beginning with the returnees.

KALABAW TRIBE

JONATHAN PENNER

What can I say about Penner?  My favourite Survivor of all time, Penner loves & knows this game.  He's intelligent, hilarious, a hard-worker & fierce competitor.  He has the looks of a more refined Mike Portnoy (those eyes! sigh) with the voice of Alan Alda.  Penner was forced to leave Survivor: Fans vs Favorites when a leg injury became badly infected.  Most heartbreaking moment of Survivor ever.

CARTER WILLIAMS

Carter is a young track coach who doesn't believe in using belts to their full potential.

DANA LAMBERT

I like Dana.  In her video, she seems real & outdoorsy & smart.  What would she most like to have with her? "Picture of my family – to remind myself of the lives it will change if I win."  I like Dana.

SARAH DAWSON

I really like Dawson (she'll be going by her last name like that other favourite of mine, Cochran).  She seems really fun, & is a superfan.  She also claims to have made a girl cry over a game of Cranium.  Damn.  I respect anyone who takes their board-gaming as seriously as I do.  If she's a big fan like she says, there's probably a lot of respect for Penner, so hopefully we'll see a Penner-Dawson alliance?

JEFF KENT

Jeff is a former baseball player, most notably with the San Francisco Giants. He was a Toronto Blue Jay in 1992, & I would have a story to tell if only he had been a Jay in 1990, the summer my parents took me to to many games, even though I just sat there listening to Mariah Carey's debut album in my Walkman.  What a story that would have been.  I really like the way he speaks with a quiet intensity in his interviews, like he's a spy.

KATIE HANSON

I imagine Katie on Survivor will be like finally seeing Kelly Kapowski on that camping trip everyone goes on at the end of that classic Saved By The Bell episode "The Fabulous Belding Boys".  Basically, she looks like Tiffani Amber Thiesson.  That's all I got.  Oh, & Delaware Delaware Delaware.  I don't think I've ever known so much where a contestant was from.

TANDANG TRIBE

MIKE SKUPIN

Skupin has been called a psychopath, due to him going Lord-of-the-Flies in Survivor: Australia on a poor little piggy.  A great provider of fish &, um, pork, he was forced to leave after he inhaled smoke & fell into the campfire, severely burning his hands.  I have that image of the skin peeling from his hands burned into my brain.  Horrifying.

ABI-MARIA GOMES

Abi-Maria is originally from Brazil.  She was originally recruited for Survivor:Tocantins, but that didn't work out since that's kind of where she's from.  She likes ruffles on her bikinis.

ARTIS SILVESTER

I find the earrings distracting, but I like Artis, who may already be this season's most quotable player.  In his EW interview, he says he's "a chameleon with the ferocity of a praying mantis".  Dudes, I saw a praying mantis documentary last year & those things are insane.  Artis has beaten stage 4 cancer, & lists his ex-wife as his inspiration, saying "she’s my light, my strength, my everything. I pray everyday that we are brought back together".  Awwwwwwww!  Team Artis!

LISA WHELCHEL

Lisa looks pretty much the same as when she played prissy Blair on The Facts of Life.  A fan of the show, she campaigned for her spot.  I promise there will be no theme song jokes.

PETE YURKOWSKI

Pete thinks he can be a social chameleon because he's "been almost every single kind of guy", & goes on to tell us all the different kind of guys he has been: hardcore gamer, jock, frat boy, the kid that sits home & studies, & finally, the kid riddled with acne who is now a model.  Pete is most proud that he put his engineering degree to the side so he could model.  Yeah.

ROBERTA "RC" SAINT-AMOUR

I like RC quite a bit, despite a hoop-rolling competition being her claim to fame.  An investment banker who is athletic & a strong swimmer, she's intelligent, well-spoken, & a fan of the show. 

MATSING TRIBE

RUSSELL SWAN

The "nice Russell" from Survivor: Samoa, Russell was a great leader, fun, & really just super-likeable.  Russell over-exerted himself & was evacuated for dehydration after a very scary fainting episode.

ANGIE LAYTON

Angie is another pageant girl, who doesn't want to "make anyone annoyed", & says she has "negative personalities that might come out".  Angie also called herself "well-rounded" without any intention of an double entendre.   Aw, good luck, sweetie.
*Update: Angie posted the following on facebook: "Watch me compete for the title of SOUL Survivor!"  Hey, maybe she's really, really deep?

DENISE STAPLEY

Denise has been practicing how to make fire.  It drives me crazy when people go into Survivor not knowing how to make fire.  She also brought a sports-bra to wear so she doesn't have to do physical things in a bikini top.  She is someone who actually prepared for Survivor, so SHE IS MY FAVOURITE.  I hope the young players keep this strong, smart lady around.

MALCOLM FREBERG

Malcolm is a very likeable, smart superfan who understands that the game plan changes depending on the people around you.  He says he can't see anything without hairbands, so he brought a bunch of them, & they're all around his wrists.  He's prepared, too.  I like Malcolm.

ROXANNE "ROXY" MORRIS

Roxy is a seminary student who says she's most like Brandon.  Jesus is on her side, & He wouldn't have brought her this far for nothing...so too bad, other Christian contestants!  Jesus loves Survivor, & he loves Roxy more than He loves you.  She seems very sweet & nice & hopefully she brought more than faith with her.

ZANE KNIGHT

Zane's pet peeves are as follows: "butt-kissing, lazy people & ice cream sprinkles".  The man is too hard-core for sprinkles!  Zane tried to put on weight before Survivor instead of working out so he'd look pretty on TV.  Just when I'm starting to like Zane, I see that he says he's most like Brandon.  Well, even I liked Brandon for an episode or 2 when he was Cochran's protector, so maybe there's hope for Zane.

With 7 of the players over 40, & 3 tribes to start, this actually looks like it may be a great season for the "older" players.  Beyond that, I make no predictions.  Bring on September 19.


Are you happy with the players they brought back?  Any newbies you're excited about?

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