In the most recent Presidential debate, Mitt Romney proclaimed "We took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds
that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet. I went to a
number of women's groups and said: ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and
they brought us whole binders full of women.” Who could have known that the internet would have exploded as it did? I give you the very best Binders of Women memes.
COMMUNITY
The 4th season of Community was set to premiere on October 19. NBC decided to push it back, & the show released this video to help upset viewers understand. NBC Britta'd it.
MY LITTLE PONY MEETS STAR WARS
Artist Sheena Henderson has transformed My Little Pony figures into characters from Star Wars, & they are fantastic.
They are available at her etsy shop, & she also takes commissions, so I'm not too concerned about the lack of an Admiral Ackbar (he would make an awesome My Little Pony, wouldn't he?). The detail is impressive, & while Slave Leia is my favourite, the Lando Calrissian really makes me giggle.
THE GREATEST EVENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY
Adult Swim had been promoting this "event" for awhile...all that was known was that it starred Jon Hamm & Adam Scott, & it was being hailed as The Greatest Event In Television History. A friend sent me the video, which turned out to be a behind-the-scenes special on the shot-by-shot recreation of the opening of Simon & Simon, which ran from 1981-1989. Hosted by Jeff Probst, & featuring many cameos, it is a hilarious mockumentary on this ridiculous project that turned out amazingly well. You can watch the 15 minute special at adultswim.com, but only if you login through your service provider (unavailable in Canada). It's no longer available on YouTube (although there are poor quality recordings of the special as it aired on TV), but here's a side-by-side comparison of the original Simon & Simon opening, & the Hamm/Scott recreation. If the full video ever shows up again, this post will be updated to include its awesomeness.
*UPDATE: It's available again! The video is below the side-by-side.
THE SADNESS OF PAIN AU CHOCOLAT
...but...but...you're bread with chocolate! Why are you so sad? :(
E.T. AUDITION
The audition Henry Thomas gave for the part of Elliott has recently shown up all over the place. And now I'm crying & have to watch E.T. again.
Those were my favourite sweets of the past week. Come back next week for more goodies!
There is never enough Joel McHale in my life. The actor in NBC's Community (#sixseasonsandamovie) & host of E!'s clip show The Soup is always welcome on my television screen. I had assumed everyone with a TV felt the same way, but I was shocked by how many of my friends asked "who?" when I told them I would be going to his first show in Canada. "Is he an indie singer or something?"
OMG you guys! I'm talking about Joel-fucking-McHale!
Even up at Casino Rama, not many seemed to know who he was (although it's a safe bet that the college dudes in hoodies who were giggling at elderly gamblers did). Our server at dinner was surprised that the comedian in the venue that night was also on Community. "I guess I should have told my brother he was here - he watches that show." When choosing our tickets, the box office staff recommended the tiered seating, far from the stage...but, she mentioned nonchalantly, she could also give us 11th row, centre, if we actually wanted to see him. Hmmm...you've never even seen a photo of Joel McHale, have you, Susan? He is not one of those redneck comedians on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour that stops here in Orillia occasionally. I want to inhale the scent of this guy (scotch, cinnamon & newborn baby).
Was she warning me he might be TOO handsome in person?
I was super excited for this show, as I know I am Jeff Winger's dream girl. Not Joel McHale's: both Joel & I are happily married (to 2 very lucky people, obviously). I am the dream girl of his Community character, Jeff. The 0:55 mark has the proof.
So, I wanted to look my best, should Joel McHale saunter past the bar & notice the redhead drinking scotch & shouting "YippeeKaiYay, mother fucker!" at random intervals.
Maybe driving for an hour & a half with open windows wasn't a great idea.
I wondered how Joel's live show would go over with those who only knew him from Community, or those who just wandered into the show from the casino floor, not knowing who he is. I can say with absolute certainty that it didn't matter - the material was hilarious, Joel was funny & charming, & we didn't stop laughing once*.
There are fantastic shots from the Casino Rama show here (warning: he is handsome), & I only wish it had been recorded because I want to watch it again.
Joel's stand-up felt like being at a taping of The Soup, but without the TV clips. There were in-depth, hilariously animated stories about how short Ryan Seacrest is, & how much the Kardashians (or, "the gaggle of gypsies & a scarecrow") hate him for all the awful things he says about them. There were I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant jokes, & Hillbilly Handfishin' jokes, which had the older gentleman a few rows in front of us taking off his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes as he shook with laughter. Despite the recent Community shake-ups, there wasn't a great deal of dirt, other than some jokes about how old & out of touch Chevy Chase is. I read an interview where when asked about Chevy, Joel said he was "a...true original", so that gives you an idea of the general tone surrounding the Chevy jokes.
As much as I thrive on the mockery & sarcasm Joel spews towards his celebrity targets, his stories about his family were the real highlights. Joel recounted his father's winning war on retail: the man successfully returned a jacket after 8 years of wearing it. Joel's insistence that his son Eddie is either "a retard or a genius" (but nothing in between) was brilliant**. This is a young child who, when he came face to face with a little person, pointed & yelled, "What is that?" There is a great story about Eddie's desire to be a light switch for Halloween, & Joel realizing too late that he had made the straps too long, resulting in a suggestive placement of the switch his son kept switching on & off.
We even got some Canadian content, perhaps since Joel's Mother is from Vancouver, making Joel 1/2 Canadian. Which 1/2? "My dick." Before the show, Joel had tweeted that he'd like
something from Tim Horton's, preferably "a double-double with scotch."
He ran out on stage with a box of Tim's coffee & a dozen doughnuts
that he passed down to the front row.
He seemed surprised at our lack of sports enthusiasm, but this is a crowd that watches The Soup. He proceeded with the CFL jokes anyway. "I like the Hamilton Tiger-cats, because Tiger-cats really reinforces what it is."
Later in the show, Joel sang the first 2 words of a Barenaked Ladies song specifically to annoy his audience. "It's been..." It's been stuck in my head since Friday night, is what it's been. But since it now makes me think of Joel McHale, & this "handsome, funny, handsome, good-looking" show, I'm ok with that.
*I did take short breaks from laughing for the purposes of swooning, but then it was right back to the laughing.
**Eddie is a genius
If you aren't familiar with The Soup, it rounds up the best of the worst TV of the week & makes fun of it (& if anyone knows how one would get the job of watching all of this awful television for The Soup, please let me know). I discovered this show 2 years ago, & a week does not seem complete without it. The Soup airs Wednesdays at 10pm, & it is so low-budget that when Joel (or a guest) screws up a line, there's no retake. I love that.
Watch Joel share the glory of Sci-Fi's "Super Shark" with us, & wonder why you haven't been watching this awesome show.
More Joel McHale, always.
To find out if Joel will be near you, check out his tour dates here.
These are the things that I think are great. So great that I want to sing about them.
LIFE-SIZED IRON THRONE
My living room houses a badass dragon bust (meant to hold a sword, but we just haven't found the right one for us yet, you know?), statues of both Gandalf & Gollum, a bottle of True Blood, Harry Potter's letter from Hogwarts, the Marauder's Map, a chocolate frog, decrees from Dolores Umbridge, & Game of Thrones steins (from houses Stark & Targaryen). The only thing left to complete this nerd oasis can be purchased here.
Ned Stark + Ice not included.
An Iron Throne of your very own will only cost you $30,000 plus $1800 for shipping. If I had this, I would consider the game WON.
PROMETHEUS vs JOEL McHALE
There is a Prometheus viral video going around - an advertisement for the android Michael Fassbender plays in the movie. There are no spoilers, just a little information on the kind of robotic feat "David" is:
Joel McHale did a spoof of this video for The Soup. It is all kinds of amazing.
At Buzzfeed, they broke both down into sections, for a detailed comparison. Did chess ever stand a chance against Hungry Hungry Hippos & table tossing? Joel FTW.
20 SMILING SLOTHS
20 smiling sloths. That's all it is. Click on that link & check out 19 more photos of cuteness like these:
This guy didn't even make the list. THAT'S HOW CUTE THEY ARE.
I love these photos & I understand Kristen Bell's over-the-top obsession with sloths. If you haven't seen her freak out & become overwhelmed with joy at the thought of being near a real sloth, you must watch it now. Hilarious.
WOOKIIE/EWOK DRESS
At etsy, you can buy yourself (or me) this cute, furry dress that with a few adjustments can be either a Wookiie dress or an Ewok dress:
But where would you wear such a thing?, you ask? THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE THE WOOKIIE DRESS.
Among other items the seller, Nerd Alert Designs, has on offer is this super cute dress featuring the illustrations from Alice in Wonderland. YES.
VOICE ACTORS READ STAR WARS
This took place at a Seattle ComicCon in March, 2012. Voice actors from some of the most iconic cartoons of the past few decades (Ren & Stimpy, Pinky & the Brain, Futurama, Transformers...) pulled out their voices & some impersonations to read the Star Wars script like you've never heard it before. The characters/voices switch between scenes, but a few of my favourite choices are Bender (Futurama) as Luke, William Shatner as C-3P0, & Christopher Walken as R2-D2. And the whole thing is narrated by Batman. EPIC.
STAR WARS RELATIVITY (M.C. ESCHER)
This is just too cool. Paul Vermeesch has built a LEGO diorama of M.C. Escher's famous mind-bending print, Relativity:
Check out this page, where more detail from each section/scene is shown, including Vader cutting off Luke's hand. Awesome work.
HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK PHOTOS OF METAL/HARD ROCK MUSICIANS
Even the most badass of badasses had high school yearbook photos. These are funny. Alice Cooper, Jon Bon Jovi & Scott Weiland made me giggle. Linkin Park's Chester looks like every single guy in my high school yearbook, but only one made me laugh. Out loud.
Metallica's Kirk Hammett
Also Kirk Hammett
Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week. Come back next week for more goodies!
Wow. This season has so many huge mistakes in it, I'm surprised Gob Bluth hasn't popped up.
Here is my Survivor pet peeves countdown:
3. Throwing a challenge
2. Stepping down from a challenge for food
1. Giving up immunity. Originally, this referred to an individual immunity idol or necklace, but I'll be damned if now it doesn't include giving up tribal immunity as a group. I didn't even know that was a thing until this season.
Also, I despise the word "panties". So I was very frustrated & almost physically ill watching this episode.
Last week Jay was crazy suspicious of the girls, & that was before they voted out another guy, Mike. He should be even more suspicious now, right? Especially after dreaming of getting shot. That can't be good.
Tarzan notes that the girls are taking out the guys since they fell apart, & I agree with Tarzan. How different it would have been if the original Menudo, you know, hadn't given up their immunity in order to vote someone out. Bill would have been spared his awful fate, tribes would have been switched up, (don't worry, Colton still would have been med evac'd), AND the numbers for the merge would have been different.
Troyzan tells Tarzan it's not over yet. And yes, that will be the tagline for my new screenplay, which follows 2 Zans as they make their way through the jungle, in search of immunity, monkeys, & someone to clean the poop out of someone's underpants.
Back to the very serious, Troyzan tells Tarzan not to worry, because there could be an Immunity Idol out there somewhere.
"Well, now you're just making stuff up. Community Midol? LOLZ"
Troyzan persists, saying he could get a core of 5 together - the 2 of them plus Leif, Jay & Christina.
"Stop it with the jokes, I'm gonna poop my pants!"
Tree Mail comes with a Do-it-Yourself Reward Challenge, meaning no Probst. What, do you think those magnificent dimples take care of themselves? Probst gets shot in the face with a BB gun twice a year.
The challenge is a version of Ladder Toss: 2 balls on a string are thrown around numbered pegs to score. I'm wondering if Probst knew balls were involved before booking his dimple-maintenance on this day...how many innuendos are we missing out on? The tribe draws coloured rocks to divide into teams, & the reward is a boat ride to a secluded island where they will have a local BBQ feast.
Troyzan, our resident superfan, claims the title of host, but Probst he is not. Not one ball joke! Kat is the first to score, with a 2. Troyzan steps up & Kat suggests "take your time like I did", so of course, Troyzan just tosses it all willy-nilly & fails to score. Tarzan scores a 4, bringing the red tribe up to 6. Christina puts the black team on the board with 1, but they barely clap for her, even though it's better than anything they've done so far. Sabrina can't do any better - it's like these guys have never played resort games while on vacation.
A proud day when my husband kicked our son's ass at Ladder Toss.
So the red tribe wins, & Troyzan, Tarzan, Jay, Alicia & Kat will enjoy the reward. Now with celebrating, there are different ways you can go. You can bask in your own, undeniable beauty while others hoot & holler around you.
You can jump up & down, leaving everyone wondering how those girls are staying put?
You can go the Douchey McTool route, & push a little person out of your way so YOU can jump in the water & celebrate, damnit.
But Tarzan was inspired by a different contestant this season: a Survivor who just had to dance his joy out.
So Tarzan, not being quite as limber as he used to be, goes for a classic. The classic dance of an old-timey cartoon prospector who has just discovered gold in them thar hills. I don't want to increase the amount of time your eyeballs have to see Tarzan in his Speedos, but this is just too good to leave out. Sorry, everyone's eyeballs.
The whole time, all Troyzan wanted was a high-five.
The boat comes & whisks the revelers away with rum & coconuts. This is Tarzan's first reward, so he is starving & over-exuberant, even raving about the architectural structure of the crabs. There is a rainbow in the sky, & I think of Kourtney. *Sigh*
Jay wants reassurance, because he still has some suspicion left over from last week, but not enough to actually do something. "At this point it's hard to trust anybody. And if somebody has numbers on you, it's definitely hard to trust them....There's definitely gonna be some blindsides coming up. I just hope it's not me."
Meanwhile, Chelsea is having a tough time with the hard decisions at hand regarding Troyzan & Jay. "Looking them in the eyes & telling them they can trust me & then betraying them? That is just not me at all." Well, I get that, but at the same time, I don't usually charge my family for utilities or rent when they stay the night, but when I play Monopoly, we are vicious. FOR FAKE MONEY.
Sabrina doesn't like Chelsea's doubts. "Back to day one, we formed this alliance. This is what we're gonna stick with...going to the end requires some big girl decisions. You gotta put on your big girl panties & make a big girl decision. You knew it was gonna have to come to this."
Jay understands the danger in messing with a plan already in motion. I would agree with this most of the time, but Survivor is all about adapting. He talks to Kat & suggests the next to go should be Alicia. Kat: "And she's weaker than who?" Jay takes a deep breath & speaks a little more slowly. "She's a threat, she works both sides..." When asked if she's cool with that, Kat says "What am I gonna say, "no"? Jay looks at her with suspicion, but darnit, she's so cute! So when Chelsea & Kim join them & he tells them Alicia, & asks "Can we make that set & not derive from it?", he doesn't even pick up on the glances back & forth & the pauses before answering. Jay is suddenly naive or in denial, neither of which makes sense because he was so paranoid just a few days earlier. Chelsea is still having a hard time. "Jay is a hard person to look in the eye & lie to." Well, yeah, because first you have to not look at the rest of him.
Hey girl. If you're searching for my eyes, they're near the top.
The girls know they won't win against a guy because the jury is looking to be made up of mostly guys. Troyzan sees the girls talking & he knows what's up. Jay doesn't want to believe it. Jay asks Troy if he'd ever give up on a challenge for food, & Troyzan is a quick "No". Point for Troyzan. "I just don't want them to pull some fast move on this one." Does this reignite Jay's suspicion? "I really, really, really don't see that happening." 3 reallys.
Kat takes her Bieber hoodie & stands in front of a giant fan to get that sexy, wind-blown hoodie look.
The Immunity Challenge Tree Mail is read aloud, & Tarzan is now wearing a women's shirt, for some unexplained reason.
My husband's theory: He's posing as a women to avoid being voted out.
On to the Immunity Challenge that a green-shirted Probst calls "a Survivor Classic".
Survivors stand barefoot on a perch, with one hand tethered to a bucket. When that arm drops, the bucket of water dumps on them, & they are out. Ready to start it off, Probst says, "This challenge is officially..."
"...on." Tarzan is out before the challenge even starts. Probst brings out a food item to tempt with, & Christina falls just before the reveal, missing out on cookies & milk. Sabrina jumps down for the snack & at home I'm all WTF. I HATE when people do this. To compete or eat? COMPETE, every time. Even if you are 100% safe, don't you want to prevent someone else from winning? And how would you ever feel 100% safe? And for cookies? Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times I could have bailed on writing this recap to go eat food? My son's Easter chocolate is EVERYWHERE, but I resist. UGH. Hate. it.
Alicia says she may want the next plate, & Jay taunts her "You take that food, I'm gonna vote you out." Alicia passes on cupcakes, but Kim & Kat jump down for them. Alicia then tells Chelsea she's going to drop out & eat whatever's next, so Chelsea can win it for the girls. Jay says, "It's kind of strange how Alicia feels safe enough to do this, almost like she's in an alliance with all the girls." He doesn't say that? Oh. How are alarm bells not going off in Jay's head? The girls aren't even pretending anymore! Does he just think they've convinced Alicia she's safe? If so, isn't he thinking maybe they've done the same with him? Again, UGH. Alicia jumps down & is rewarded with a bowl of candy & chocolate, yet I still resist the Easter loot surrounding me.
After 45 minutes, there are 4 left - Leif, Troyzan, Jay & Chelsea. Troyzan loses his balance & is out, & rightfully pissed about it. Probst brings out chicken wings & beer & JAY STEPS DOWN. I can't...I mean...
Chelsea looks at Leif & says, "I can tell you this - if you step down, it makes you less of a threat." Probst is loving this. "Chelsea is saying winning this actually works against you. Who do you trust?" Not Probst, who brings out the last food item & parades it in front of them: 3 burgers, chips & beer.
Chelsea doesn't want to look at it. Probst translates, "Leif, she's telling you 'Step down from the challenge, take a burger, & make yourself less of a threat.' Sounds like a great deal if you buy it."
Leif: "Chelsea, is that true?"
Chelsea: "Yeah, it's true."
Leif: "Is that true?"
Chelsea: "Look at me in the eyes - it's true...do it buddy." And Leif jumps down. AND SHARES HIS FOOD WITH HER.
Chelsea is coming around to the knowledge she has to vote out Tryozan & Jay. "I hate to be that person, but I love money." The girls decide to split the vote at Kim's suggestion: 5 for Troyzan, 3 for Jay. Jay goes to Kim for reassurance & she's all smiles & blue eyes, so what's to doubt?
Troyzan does the same, but is suspicious of Kim's exuberance. "'You're safe! You're safe!'...you only have to say it once." Troyzan appeals to Jay to wake up. "I have an idol, bro. I'm playing it." Jay tells Tryozan he's worrying too much. You know who told Jay he was worrying too much last week? Mike, the guy who was blindsided. Troy wants to switch votes from Alicia to Kim, so if they flush out the idol, she will go home.
Your secrets are safe with me, bro.
So, naturally, Jay tells Kim all of this. I know he doesnt want to go to the end with Troyzan, but come on. You have to see the foolishness of telling another guy's plans to the ringleader of the women. Kim is worried that she doesn't have enough time before Tribal to change plans. "He put the fear of God into me."
At Tribal Council, Probst asks who feels in danger. Kim, Jay & Troyzan put up their hands. Again, Alicia isn't even pretending anymore. Troyzan says he started getting suspicious after the Immunity Challenge. "You can sort of tell by who decides to step out first & get food, who applauds who when someone goes out, you know, I noticed that when I went out, everybody applauded, even some of the tribe that I thought would be rooting for me, might be rooting against me."
Alicia also notices things, like "who takes their bags to Tribal Council & who doesn't. I notice what shorts are worn today & what shorts aren't being worn today." She looks at Troyzan. "He's got a lot of pockets there", she says, implying Troyzan has an idol in one of those pockets, since he was wearing swim trunks earlier in the day.
It's voting time, & we see Jay put his vote in for Alicia. "I told you not to step down." Right? Who would give up a chance at Immunity for food?
Million dollar wings, anyone?
Time to play an Idol if you have it, & Troyzan stands up. Does he reach into one of the many pockets in his cargo shorts? Perfectly acceptable form of transporting an Immunity Idol from camp to Jeff Probst's hands? Nope. 'Tis the season of Idol Crotch, after all.
Let me just pull this out of my crotch for you, Jeff.
"Troyzan, why is this so warm?"
Votes are read & it seems that Kim did have enough time before Tribal to rearrange everything, as Jay is voted out. What is confusing to me is that Tarzan voted for Jay. Troyzan must have gone to him with his Kim plan, & told him to vote for the pretty one with the beautiful eyes. Oh, Tarzan.
So we have to say goodbye to Jay. So suspicious a week ago, smarter than he appeared, yet dumb enough to trust without question in the game of Survivor. Let's remember his words to Alicia in the Immunity Challenge: "You take that food, I'm gonna vote you out." So true.
Here are Michael's Ponderosa videos. For Americans, you can watch the videos here, but for the rest of us, here they are. There's food & grooming, & arts & crafts.
And another cute video, the charming & dashing Joel McHale's new ad for Nintendo 3DS...I managed to pry my eyes off all the handsome in this video & who do I see? Survivor's Amanda Kimmel! She wins Survivor All-Stars AND gets thisclose to Joel McHale. Just when I'm getting jealous, I remember she dated Ozzy for awhile. Jealousy gone.
