How I Made "The Cabin in the Woods" Even Scarier

Back in the spring, I was up for a position as a Pop Culture Blogger for a national website.  After several article submissions, I was shortlisted (yay!) & a new task was given: post a vlog of a movie review on Youtube (ack!).  This terrified me.

While I have always loved the stage (come see me as Tzeitel in Fiddler on The Roof next month!), without a written script I can be awkward.  Not quite as awkward as 12yr old me, but enough to be anxious in social situations without bourbon:

I'm a fast-talker: I stumble over words, having to repeat myself. 

I'm a loud-talker: I don't even know how it happens, but I often find myself yelling about there being no bourbon (oops, I just woke your baby up).

I'm a hand-talker: I'm constantly knocking things over, so I need a 3' buffer between myself & all glasses of wine (& also babies).

I'm a blusher: If I misspeak, I will know it, you will know it, we will all know it.  I'll probably yell about it later & wake your babies so I can spill wine on them & embarrass myself some more.*

I am a disaster at parties where I am the DD, so posting a video of myself casually chatting was going to be a problem.  Looking back, I should have just filled my coffee cup with Woodford Reserve instead of coffee & WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS EARLIER?

I really wanted this writing position, though, so I jumped in with both feet.  Choosing a movie to review was the easy part...it happened to be the opening weekend for a movie I was already very excited about: The Cabin in the Woods, which was released on Blu-Ray & DVD today.

The vlog didn't have to be perfect, or professional - it was mostly to get a sense of the personality behind the writing.  The last thing I wanted to do was submit a bland webcam video, so I enlisted my son to help.  Watching it now, there are moments I regret cutting, & I really wish I had taken my husband's advice & left one part in particular out.  Ugh.  I hadn't made a point of sharing this video with anyone, aside from family & close friends (& a "blink & you'll miss it" appearance in the first ever Confectionery) but here is the result (spoiler-free):

 

So, making that video was fun...putting it out there on YouTube?  Not so much.  YouTube is full of people who post videos of themselves rambling incoherently with piles of dirty laundry behind them in their messy bedrooms.  I will never understand those people; I was stressed that the fireplace wasn't consistent.  I had over 2 hours of footage to edit into this 5 minute video.  Perhaps I spend too much time trying to ensure that anything I post is up to my standards, but in my defense, I'd like to remind you that tweets are being archived by the Library of Congress, so...the internet is forever, people!

I don't understand the Dirty Laundry YouTube People**, & I feel the same when it comes to writing.  One blogger in particular irks me every time I see a post retweeted on Twitter.  The issues I have aren't typos or little grammar mistakes (please don't go "Grammar Police" on me), or even the no-punctuation-writing that's become a style of its own these days - it's just awful writing.  There is a lack of basic sentence structure that makes me question whether or not this person can read.  How could anyone write so poorly & present it to the public?  And how in the world could anyone else think it was decent enough to be shared?  Am I the only person who reads what I've written out loud before publishing?***

This video helped me make it to the Top 3 out of many candidates.  While I ultimately didn't get the position, I was pleased with the response.  Stepping outside of my comfort zone to do this vlog was scary, but I'm so glad I made & submitted it.  My friend Allison Baggio once told me not to wait for a writing opportunity - just write, write, write.  Well, she's a published author, so I listened to her, & she was right.  If I hadn't started writing my Survivor recaps & various other blog posts, I wouldn't have had anything to show for this job application.  I wouldn't have made it to the shortlist, let alone the Top 3.  One of my ideas for that gig was a series where I would share my favourite pop culture tidbits of the week.  Once I realized that I didn't have to give up on that idea just because I didn't get that job, The Confectionery series was born.  No, I don't have the readership they would have given me, but I've kept writing & you've kept reading, & I thank you for that.

Now please watch The Cabin in the Woods so we can talk/tweet about this incredible film, spoilers & all!

*Hmmm...I may also be an over-analyzer.  I will look into it.

**Amazing band name.  You're welcome.

***OK, I see it now.  I will work on this for really reallz.

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Ben Folds Five - The Sound of the Life of the Mind

The Sound of the Life of the Mind, the first Ben Folds Five album in 13 years, is finally here.  While Ben Folds has had a prolific solo career, there is something very special about this reunion with Darren Jessee & Robert Sledge.  When I wrote about the unique way this album was made, I said "To me, Ben Folds Five has always been equal parts fun & heart...whatever this album becomes, I'm sure it will be that, however it gets in my ears."  You guys, I was right.

As a VP of Promotions for this album, I received a copy a week before the official release.  I've had it for a few days & have listened to it endlessly.  It's beautiful, & lucky for you, the songs are streaming now.

The album opens with "Erase Me", & I LOVE IT.  Haunting harmonies, that distorted bass, angry vocals, a touch of Danny Elfman, a thumping breakdown...it's without a doubt the proggiest song BF5 has ever written & I adore it.  I imagine this song being sung to the Song For The Dumped girl:

I guarantee you'll be singing along.  Fireworks.
Erase me, so you don't have to face me. 
Put me in ground and mow the daisies.
Listen to "Erase Me" here.


"Michael Praytor, Five Years Later" boasts a killer bass-line, soaring falsettos & jazzy piano.  Everyone has someone they keep running into over the years.  Michael Praytor is that guy.
Michael Praytor, so random.
Who knows why some satellites come by and by,
while others disappear into the sky?
Dance to "Michael Praytor, Five Years Later" here.


"Sky High" has a relaxed 80s Marc Cohen/Phil Collins/Don Henley feel. One of the 2 Reinhold Messner-like songs on this album.  Lyrics by Darren Jessee.
Pawn shop billboard: "We Buy Gold".
Old dreams just fade and twist; it's a heartache that never ended.
The brightness of air, out walking somewhere,
and when they ask you, just tell them that you knew me back when,
under the blue sky.
Listen to "Sky High" here.


The title track is a pulsing epic with lyrics by Nick Hornby, left over from his collaboration with Ben Folds, Lonely Avenue.  The song tells of a girl who isn't quite ready to leave school behind.
Sara, well, she just can't bear the stupidity, the boredom, the grind.
She stays at school so that she can hear the sound of the life of the mind.
Listen to "The Sound of the Life of the Mind" here.


"On Being Frank" is my favourite of the album so far.  A nod to Frank Sinatra, it is all sweeping strings & Burt Bacharach swagger.  No stranger to eulogies-in-song, Ben Folds wrote "Late" about Elliott Smith for his second solo album, Songs For Silverman:

I can imagine Sinatra's version of "On Being Frank" in my head, & it's heartbreaking.
I had it all, or should I say I saw it all?
And it's a long way from the dustbin of New Jersey to the top; Who would have known?
Listen to "On Being Frank" here.  And then listen to it again, because it's stunning.


When you've finished drying your tears from "On Being Frank", thinking that Ben Folds Five has grown into such a mature band, "Draw A Crowd" begins.  A fun, bouncy song with the lyrics: If you can't draw a crowd, draw dicks on a wall.  It brings to mind the playfulness of an early BF5 favourite, "Underground":

I only wanted to be Stevie Wonder, 
but I had to settle for this vanilla thunder.
Taste the vanilla thunder & listen to "Draw A Crowd" here.


"Do It Anyway" surfaced several months ago as the first single, & it begins with frantic piano & a familiar-sounding bass-line that immediately recalls "The Last Polka", a brilliant song from their self-titled debut:

There will be times you might leap before you look.
There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book.
Do it anyway.
Listen to "Do It Anyway" here.
*Update: this AMAZING video for "Do It Anyway" has just been released.  Watch your childhood become even more awesome:

From the second the drums kick in, "Hold That Thought" clips along like a train.  A mellow train, similar to "Brick".  I like this one more & more with each listen.
The Chinese doctor took her arm, gazed at the floor & read her wrist for the secrets in her mind.
'Here's your medicine', she said, 'If you not smile at him, then someone else will'.
You hold that thought, & I'll hold that thought, too.
Listen to "Hold That Thought" here.


"Away When You Were Here" is another gorgeous eulogy, this time for a less-than-ideal Father.
This morning I wake to be older than you were.
Fresh white snow for miles, every footstep will be mine.
You'd have lost that weight, you'd have gone so straight,
you'd have made my Wedding day.
Listen to "Away When You Were Here" here.


This album began with a breakup song, & it closes with one.  The first was bitter & nasty, & this one is a tearjerker.  "Thank You For Breaking My Heart" is most beautiful ballad Ben's written since "The Luckiest", my husband's & my wedding song:

Guess I thought it wouldn't happen, that I could care until it hurt.
And the ironic timing, the clouds & their linings had opened up & poured.
Thank you for breaking my heart - now I know that it's in there.
What a fool to imagine that you'd feel the same, but you know better.
Weep along with "Thank You For Breaking My Heart" here.

Equal parts fun & heart, & it's cool to know that my contribution to the Ben Folds Five pledgemusic campaign helped this album become what it is.  The Sound of the Life of the Mind is released on Tuesday, Sept. 18.  Pre-order it here.

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Glen Phillips - Stageit Concert

Last night I bought a $3 ticket to a concert in California.  I attended this concert from our home office in Ontario...& not the Ontario in California.  $3 for a live, online concert given by a talented artist, straight from his backyard.  It would be an understatement to call this a bargain, even without factoring in the Canadian dollar's rise above parity!

Stageit is an online site that streams exclusive concerts to ticket-holders.  From their website: "Where performers can broadcast LIVE and interactive experiences directly from a laptop, while offering unique fan experiences that are never archived." (Out of respect for this, any videos I'll be posting will not be from Stageit shows.)  To be an audience member, you spend a minimum of $5 for notes (Stageit credit), & purchase your ticket.  Most shows are under $5 or pay-what-you-can, & throughout the shows you can directly tip the performers.  What a wonderful idea.  I am a strong believer in supporting the arts (come see me in Fiddler on the Roof!), & Stageit makes it so simple, so grassroots, so easy to say "I appreciate your talent, & that you took time out of your life to share it with us.  With me."

Glen Phillips is one of my favourite singer/songwriters & whether we're speaking of his work with Toad the Wet Sprocket, his solo work, or many of his side projects, I am a huge fan.  The name of my blog comes from Glen's solo album Winter Pays For Summer, & more specifically, from the song "Duck & Cover".

I knew that Glen occasionally gave "couch concerts" on Stageit, but they have usually fallen on Sunday nights (EST), so I've never been able to catch one.  This week, Glen held an "All-Toad" concert on a Tuesday, & I've never sat my kid in front of a TV so quickly.  You want a Coke at 8:30pm?  Will it keep you in the family room for 45 minutes?  Well then, absolutely.

As I've written before, I fell in love with Toad the Wet Sprocket in high school, just missing a rare Toronto concert in the mid-90s.  They broke up shortly afterwards, & my hopes of ever seeing them live were dashed.  In 2011, it was a very, very happy coincidence that newly reunited Toad was playing at the House of Blues in Orlando while we would be there on vacation.  It was one of the best concert experiences of my life - not only because their music brings me joy, but because I never thought I'd have the chance to attend a Toad show.

I had never been in a crowd where I didn't immediately hate everyone around me, but for Toad, everyone wanted to be there. No one was obnoxiously drunk, talking loudly or flailing rudely  - everyone cared about Toad the Wet Sprocket that night.  You know it's magical when the crowd is truly excited to hear a brand new song.  In this video, you can see my red hair in the front centre, to the left of my tall husband.  Just imagine a beaming smile on the other side of my head.

Thanks to Stageit, I kind of relived that happiness last night.  I enjoyed a Sam Adams Summer Ale in Ontario while humming harmonies along with Glen Phillips - just a guy in his backyard with a guitar & a beer of his own.  Beginning with "Crowing", it was like every song was chosen just for me, a feeling I'm sure every other attendee shared.  "Walk On the Ocean" made me tear up a little bit, & "Windmills" had those tears pouring down my face.  The deceptively simple-sounding beauty of this song just gets to me, always.

"Rings" & "Dam Would Break", 2 of my favourites from Coil, had me bouncing in my seat, & wishing I could play an instrument with such flawless ease.  (If you've seen my previous attempts with instruments, you know why I'm now a singer, not an instrumentalist.)

The whole experience was much more than watching YouTube videos.  Stageit has a running forum next to the streaming video for interaction with the artist & other ticket-holders.  It was clear that many of these fans were not first-timers - it seemed like a very welcoming club.  I had the screen full-sized most of the time, but Glen was reading along quite a bit, frequently losing his place in songs because of it.  I don't think anyone has ever been so charming when fucking up.

Glen took requests, asked questions, & shared his frustration that he really likes a lime in his Trader Joe's Mexican beer, but you can't recycle the bottle when there's a lime in it.  Adorable.

He even spoke of Bobak Ferdowski, everyone's new nerd crush, & asked everyone to make another ticket-holder (whom I believe worked at NASA as well, but wasn't feeling the same amount of love as Mohawk guy) feel just as sexy.

The result left me feeling as if I'd shared a moment with a great artist.  Feeling like I was sitting cross-legged on a Santa Barbara lawn while a friend played a few feet in front of me.  All from the other side of the continent, for $3.  I will be back.

There are lots of other artists using Stageit - Sara Bareilles has a benefit concert coming up on Sept 10 that is pay-what-you-can - so I suggest you support some artists for the price of a latte.  I'll leave you with Toad the Wet Sprocket playing Walk on The Ocean, just a few months ago.

It's all worth waiting for.
-Windmills

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Brave - A Redheaded Review

Last week, my son & I went to an advanced screening of Brave, which opens in theatres tomorrow.  You can check out this short piece I wrote for www.howtobearedhead.com, a site from & for redheads.  Yes, we need our own site.  Do YOU know where to find ginger-coloured mascara?  Merida would.  Actually, she would probably make it herself.  She's self-sufficient that way.


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Missed Movie: Robocop

When Robocop came out in 1987, I was 9 years old: too young to watch or care about anything that didn't feature pink ponies.  Robocop became one of those movies - the movies you just never get around to watching, even thought you know you should.

With a remake in the works starring The Killing's Joel Kinnaman, I decided to finally watch the original to justify my excitement for the version where this man's face gets a clear helmet/visor:

I'd buy that for a dollar.

With a reason, Netflix, & a willing husband for company, I sat down to watch Robocop for the first time on Friday night.  Instead, we ended up watching Transformers: Dark of the Moon, a choice which I deeply, deeply regret.  We sat down to try again last night, vowing not to be seduced by a younger movie.  Dead or alive, Robocop was coming with me.  Into my living room.

...it sounded clever in my head.



[Spoilers Ahead] 

[...if a 25 year old movie needs a spoiler alert...]



First of all, this movie was nothing like I expected it to be.  I have to admit that I always thought Robocop was just a cop in a metal suit...like an Officer Ironman.  I had no idea this was R rated until the scene with ED-209 made it abundantly clear.  I had assumed Robocop was PG-13 because the fake premise I had in my head seemed tailor-made for teenaged boys.  I was WRONG.  It was seriously graphically violent (which I approve of, in the context).  When Murphy was horrifically & repeatedly shot by Red Forman & his hyena crew, I was genuinely stunned by:
a) the amount of blood Paul Verhoeven thinks is in an arm (that can't be right, can it?).
b) that Murphy actually died.  Like I said, I thought he just put a suit on & arrested bad guys.

I already knew Peter Weller played Robocop, because when he showed up in season 5 of Dexter, my husband said "Hey, it's Robocop!"  So when Murphy showed up in Robocop, I thought, "Hey! Vacation shirt shady guy!"

Maybe I've been spoiled because I've read so many convincing stories that explore humanity*, but I found the "journey" of Robocop a little dull.  Here are the main points leading to his "transformation":
-he still does the gun twirl thing he learned for his son.
-the name Murphy seems familiar.
-he dreams of his death.

Seeing Emil at the gas station triggers something more, but it's not really clear if it's just memories or actual feelings, a distinction Robocop makes when speaking of his family.  Sure, the helmet coming off symbolizes the return of a humanity of sorts, but is it Murphy's humanity, or just human-like qualities left over from brain damage because he was, you know, dead?  (Also, I didn't cry, & I cry at everything.  I should feel something when a robot realizes that he used to have a human life, with a wife & son, until he was brutally murdered & turned into a machine with big guns, right?)  The dude is badass, yes.  Is he the same guy he was before he became Robocop?  I don't buy it - he never even tries to find his family.  "Where are they?"  "They've moved on."  "Ok.  Let's get some revenge."  That is a robot speaking, not a man.  Remind me to find Johnny Number 5 when I want some robot pathos.

Note to my husband: If you ever become a robot killing-machine, I still want you in my life, K?  I promise to make your food-substance paste, charge your battery & clean your gears ifyouknowwhatimean.

The future that Robocop predicts doesn't look too far off from reality.**  Future dystopian Detroit looks a lot like 2012 Detroit, but with less Kwame Kilpatrick drama.  We have ridiculous commercials & sensationalist journalism, & even some of the same gadgets. 

iPods!

Overall, I think the movie ages extremely well.  Aside from the dated hair/wardrobe on half the characters, it's all very well done.  The makeup & prosthetics on Toxic Waste Guy were incredible.

Toxic Waste: that shit works fast.

And although it made me giggle, the stop-motion robot ED-209 was quite the feat in 1987.  To me, it looks like a Robot Chicken bit, but listening to these guys discuss it, I get that it was a big deal, & rightly so.

I will leave you with this compilation of all the times someone is thrown through a glass window or door in Robocop.  Very entertaining, AND it includes the one rewind-&-rewatch moment for me: Dick's fall to his death.

*Two of my favourite novels by Robert J Sawyer explore the human condition exceptionally well, from different angles: Mindscan, taking place in a future where minds (thoughts, memories, your very being) could be uploaded into an android (handy if your body is failing you, but raising questions of legality & rights), & The Terminal Experiment, in which a man creates 3 copies of his mind - 1 an exact replica, & 2 that are modified to simulate life after death & immortality, & the consequences of their choices & actions.  Both excellent novels that dive into what it means to be human.

**Again with the Robert J Sawyer, check out his cool list of science fiction predictions that came true.



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