Kai did not end up live-tweeting, so his comments will appear in red font throughout the blog.
The No Collars return to camp after voting Vince out, who seems to have been both "a snake", & a spider, "spinning webs", so clearly his spirit animal is a chameleon. It's all genetics. Nina knows she's the next to go home now that one of her allies just voted her other ally out of the game. She pleads with her tribe for about 2 straight minutes, & her words boil down to one simple idea that should be everyone's mantra in life. It's not as complicated as some people think.
Her fellow No Collars, however, feel that Nina is using her deafness as an excuse as to why she's excluded, when it's really her constant griping about her deafness & the way she thinks it's perceived that's leaving her on the periphery of the group. Totally not a No Collar way of life, man.
Meanwhile, on White Collar,
Shirin witnesses Howler monkeys - from start to finish - having sex, & brings back all the details to her tribe. It even looks like she acts it out a little bit. Her tribe is TOTALLY UNGRATEFUL. I do not understand this for several reasons - firstly, are they not bored to death, just lying around in their shelter? All normal topics of conversation must be exhausted by Day 7 - how is monkey sex not a refreshing change? Secondly, I met Shirin at RHAPKIA2, & let me tell you that I asked for all the monkey sex details & I got all of the monkey sex details & it is super fascinating. Way more anal play than one would expect. And those balls. I mean...
But does Shirin's tribe appreciate her childlike enthusiasm?
Like I said, UNGRATEFUL.
"Where's Max?" Indeed.
At Blue Collar's camp, Lindsey is psyched that their water tastes like water. Everyone teases Rodney about how he "sleeps [his] ass off". We get a confessional from Dan, who explains how he knows his mouth can get him into trouble, but he's learned from his mistakes. Then he joins in on the Rodney teasing.
"What does 'whore' mean?"
"Someone who sleeps around. Has sex with a lot of people. So that's meant as an insult - like a Yo Momma joke."
"No, a Yo Momma joke has to start with 'Yo Momma's so', & then fat, or ugly, or stupid..."
"If someone said something bad about you in school, I'd just say 'Shut up' & add a shove. But if it was in real life, I'd jump on the guy."
Jenn & Hali decide to go surfing with driftwood.
"Uh oh, Nina's gonna get mad. I can tell how this episode is going."
How much does Hali love surfing?
So specific. So what are Hali's #1 & #2 passions in life? Flaring her nostrils? Sounding annoyed with everything? Finding tasseled bikinis? Basically being a badass/biker dude in a chick's body? Plotting to blow up the system from the inside? Perhaps it will become clear as the season unfolds. I asked Kai what he thought Hali's #1 & #2 passions were.
"Number one is probably hating on deaf people."
Jenn says, "This is exactly what No Collars do...No Collars' lives are kinda about having fun." It is AMAZING to me how this tribe has embraced their completely fabricated designation by Probst. Yes, the other tribes have embraced their designations as well, but at least "White Collar" & "Blue Collar" were things before Season 30 of Survivor. Those tribe members (for the most part) had probably already associated themselves as having the label they were given. The No Collars constantly refer to being No Collars & a No Collar way of life as if it's an actual thing they have always prided themselves on being and it will never stop being hilarious & fascinating to me.
So, to keep score, in this episode I have been fascinated by monkey sex & Shirin's enthusiasm for it, what Hali's #1 & #2 passions in life could be, & the No Collar tribe's insistence that No Collar totally is a real thing. It's a really slow episode, you guys.
Joe catches a lizard & somewhere Vince breaks intense eye contact with a woman to roll his eyes. Joe offers Nina encouragement and asks her to have fun. He comforts her with the reminder that they are all out of their element. Well, maybe not someone whose #3 passion in life is surfing, but...
Everyone enjoys - or at least tries - the BBQ except Nina, & this refusal to eat a lizard seems to further distance herself from her tribe. Now, I think she of course should have eaten the lizard, but are peer pressure and judging people based on dietary preferences No Collar things to do? No, those are totally White Collar things. Shouldn't the No Collars just go with the flow & be, like, Great, more lizard for me, bro!?
Everyone enjoys - or at least tries - the BBQ except Nina, & this refusal to eat a lizard seems to further distance herself from her tribe. Now, I think she of course should have eaten the lizard, but are peer pressure and judging people based on dietary preferences No Collar things to do? No, those are totally White Collar things. Shouldn't the No Collars just go with the flow & be, like, Great, more lizard for me, bro!?
The White Collars are displaying their peer pressure tendencies while they are out searching for the idol that Carolyn already has. Shirin suggests a truce - they all stop looking until they win an Immunity Challenge & have another clue. Joaquin doesn't trust Shirin, so he's like No thanks,
Over at Blue Collar, Mike is really embracing his classification, & appears to want to work around camp non-stop, & expects everyone else to do the same. Rodney takes offense. First Dan calls his mother a whore, & now Mike wants him to get firewood? Is there a C on your shirt? Are you the Captain of this fucking team? Do you even want to live in Texas, bro?
Rodney's not the only one who feels unappreciated & is annoyed with Mike's slave-driving.
She continues: "Magic? Your God? Did your God come down & do it with his fucking beard?"
Here's where CBS tried to make the hashtag #Psalm121 happen, based on Mike's tattoo. Psalm 121 actually begins: "I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven & earth." So to answer Lindsey, maybe that is what Mike believes?
Now, I'm familiar with this psalm as I sang Mendelssohn's beautiful & haunting setting of it, Lift Thine Eyes, with my high school choir. It has, quite possibly, the most beautiful & soaring Soprano 1 line I've ever sang. I recommend listening to this lovely version sung by ladies at Westminster Choir College while you watch the Blue Collar segment starting with Rodney doing his Mike impersonation. It's, like, Dark Side of Oz perfect.
Immunity Challenge time & this one involves each tribe carrying a large bucket with holes in it through an obstacle course. It gets filled up with water, then carried back through the obstacle course to be emptied at the other end. Once enough water has been transported, a flag will lift. First tribe to finish wins Immunity and a large comfort reward. Second tribe wins Immunity and a tarp, and third tribe wins a date with Probst at Tribal Council.
"I wonder if a girl ever takes that seriously. 'So, it's just me & you, Jeff?'" *bats eyelashes*
No Collar decides to not use Nina to help carry the bucket or plug the holes, & despite Probst yelling at them constantly about how stupid this is, they do not change their strategy. "I do not understand the reasoning why Nina's not a part of this!" "No Collar, once again very slow, & doing it with only 4 tribe members even though they have 5!" "For some reason, it makes sense to No Collars to have Nina not participate!"
Listen, Probst - You can't question the No Collars. No Collars don't follow any so-called rules or strategies considered obvious by the mainstream. YOU SAID. Blue Collar and White Collar take first and second, & No Collars head back to Tribal Council. Perhaps if Vince had stayed, he could have plugged those holes with his feathers and they would have won, but they'll never know because they sent home the most entertaining member of this cast & yes I am still bitter about that.
At Tribal Council, Joe acknowledges that he messed up as he made the "strategic" decision that was their downfall. Nina suggests her disadvantage makes her tribe think she's useless. Probst points out that the challenge had nothing to do with hearing, and Will notes that with Nina, "it always goes back to her being deaf."
Probst asks if maybe Nina's on the wrong tribe. Hali says Nina doesn't really follow the No Collar philosophy of "You know how to ride the highs, you know how to ride out the lows." THEY HAVE A PHILOSOPHY? Curiouser & curiouser. Time to vote, votes are read, & Nina is voted out.
Nina leaves the Tribal Council area immediately.
After the episode, there was the Know-It-Alls podcast, & after that, we partied.
To see the actual photos from the trip that these pics are recreations of, go here. They were mostly taken by Sarah Freeman, who is mildly obsessed with me. Thanks to Amy Stern for letting me crash at Nerd Heaven, aka her apartment.
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