Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn, Brains Beauty - Walking Dead

The Solana Tribe returns to camp after voting Cliff out, & I have a confession to make.  Up until @truedorktimes made me aware of my error, I had thought the name of this tribe was actually Salani, & I just thought it weird that they used the same tribe name in One World.  You all know this misunderstanding could have been avoided if I'd had my very own #PocketPitman.  Also if I had paid closer attention, but it's not like Probst ever said anything but Brawn, Brains, or Beauty before last week, either.

No, YOU stop trying to make #PocketPitman happen.

Trish attempts to explain, but Lindsey wants none of it.  She is disgusted by Trish & tells her so. 



Trish tells Lindsay to ask her if she cares.  

Turns out Kai has never heard that one before.  "Whoa - That's a good one."  Look for it in the grade 4 classroom later this week.

Lindsey summons Probst & then quits.  QUITS.  Because she can't handle Trish??  I am super bummed that I wasted such an excellent LEGO minifig on a quitter.  SUPER BUMMED.


"But what about when her daughter watches this? Watching your Mom walk away from $1 million can't be better."

The tribe is pretty calm when they find out, & once again, I'm impressed with Woo's ability to just go with whatever is happening, with whomever is closest to him.

Aparri is overjoyed at the other tribe's loss.


"I didn't have to do anything either.  I'm just like Spencer!"

The Reward Challenge is the Knock-the-other-guy's-idol-down challenge, & it gets physical.

"Oh, right in the tit."
"Kai."
"What? La tĂȘte - it's 'head' in French...?"

Solana wins the Reward of going back to Aparri's camp & raiding it.  While there, Tony & Woo give a useless Immunity Idol clue to Jeremiah, hoping to put a target on him.

Back at their camp, Tony can't wait to tell his tribe-mates about his sting operation.  He's so excited, in fact, that he tells them he's really a cop & pledges his allegiance to them forever & ever.  He hasn't even built a #SpyShack at Solana, so you can tell he means it for really reallz.

Aparri is suspicious of Jeremiah, and his insistence that it was an old clue just makes him seem more shifty.  

Off to the Immunity Challenge, which is a huge obstacle course, followed by a puzzle that will give a combination.

"Challenges are my favourite colour."

"I would love to do this challenge, but they wouldn't let me because of the machete.  But I would say 'Why can't kids use machetes'?"

Solana wins again, & Tony, who just lurves his new tribe, yells "Top Five!  Top Five!" which lets Sarah over on Aparri know that Cops R Us is busted.

On the surface, Aparri is all Whatevs, after tonight we'll still have more numbers than you, but inside, they're all:


Kass reflects on the change in position for The Brains.  "It does seem that The Brains are kind of in control....Everyone's kind of gonna follow our lead...We just needed people to boss around.  The brain needed a body.  We found our zombies - now we're in."


(I can't not use "Brains needing a body" to throw in a plug for Young Frankenstein.  If you're in the Toronto area, it's going to be a really, really fun show.  Come see me as Inga!  Buy your tickets here!)

At Tribal, loyalty is much discussed, as is often the case right after a tribe swap.  Suspicion over Jeremiah rises, and Alexis' name is thrown around, too.  She seems completely bewildered & wide-eyed.

Alexis is voted out, presumably because she was pushing too hard to get Jeremiah out.  She can barely look at Probst as he snuffs her torch.  She cries throughout her entire walk out & last confessional, like a rejected Bachelor contestant leaving in a limo.

"Well, she didn't even know the difference between chickens making eggs, and chickens making chickens.  I mean...really."

Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai), or on this blog's Facebook page!


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn Brains Beauty: Rolling Logjam

After voting J'Tia out, the 3 remaining Brains return to camp.


Upon hearing this (& upon being Canadian), Kai & I looked at each other & launched into...


Spencer envisions that this could be the Final 3.  "The only thing between us & that is 2 entire tribes."

Off to a Reward Challenge & Probst tells everyone to drop their buffs.  The Brains move to Aparri with Jeremiah, Alexis, Morgan and Sarah.  Sarah is the only Brawn not on Salani, which also has Jefra and LJ.

The reward is something Dawn warned us about in Caramoan.




The Challenge is a pull-the-other-guy-off-a-pole challenge, & the tribe that's mostly Brawns wins.

While enjoying their reward, LJ & Trish bond over being from Massachusetts.  Lindsay continues to be annoyed by Trish, as is Cliff.

"There are no alliances in the NBA.  I don't think."

Over at Aparri, Alexis tells all of Beauty's secrets to the Brains.  I like to think that at some point, she asked them:


As soon as she leaves, Morgan does the same thing, and then Jeremiah does, too.  Beauty fades, you guys.

At Salani, Trish tells Jefra that she's not aligned with Lindsay.  Jefra is happy to learn this info, but says "I'm not gonna count my chickens before they're hatched", but that may be because chickens are still very confusing.

The Immunity Challenge involves a battering ram that's also a puzzle.  Aparri wins, despite most of the physical strength being on Salani.


Salani is looking to vote LJ out first.  Yeah, he's strong, but so is the rest of the tribe, and now that he has a bond with Trish, it makes sense.

Trish, on the other hand, would like to keep LJ and all that sex appeal he speaks of, & approaches Tony to instead vote for Cliff with them.  This leads to Tony feeling Cliff out, which leads to the greatest camera angle ever.



Tony ultimately sides with Trish, LJ, & Jefra, & Cliff is voted out of the game.



"Who's the guy who was in prison?"
"Vytas?"
"Yeah.  I miss him."

Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai), or on this blog's Facebook page!

SHAMELESS PLUG: If you're in the Toronto area, come see me as Inga in Young Frankenstein!  Buy your tickets here, & watch me in a rehearsal clip here!



Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn Brains Beauty - J'Pee-a

Beauty returns to camp after voting out their pretty vegetarian butterfly, Brice.  Morgan calls out Jeremiah for flipping on his other alliance.

Foreshadowing
Jeremiah responds in that voice *shudder*.


The next morning, the Brains read Tree Mail, which makes it clear that blindfolds will be a part of a Reward Challenge.  So they do what Brains are wont to do.  They practice again.


The challenge itself bruises everyone, with Probst delighting in every injury.

My son Kai's comments will be peppered throughout the blogs this season in a red font, & he took offense to Probst's "Lindsay takes one right in the...stomach!" comment.

"Um, not really."

Even a 9 year old knows that's not her stomach.

LJ takes the worst of the crotch-shots, several times.

 

LJ keeps right on going, though, & Beauty wins the reward of 3 chickens & a rooster.  J'Tia is absolutely useless in this challenge, despite her only job being placing items on a platform & hoisting, & single-handedly loses the reward of a dozen eggs for the Brains.

"More like J'Pee-a."

Poor Tasha noticeably grimaces & turns her head when after a pathetic performance, J'Tia says:


Kai was particularly entranced by Spencer's reaction to their loss.  So much so that he had to recreate it, much like he's been recreating other scenes from this season at every opportunity, like Garrett's J'Tia-Vote-Face, & Tony's impersonation of his tribe-mates' fabricated cries of But I like Sarah!




The Beauty tribe wins the chickens & they do not know what to do with them.  Or what the chickens do.   Or how the chickens do whatever it is that they do.  Or what they have to do to facilitate the chickens doing what they do, whatever that may be.  Alexis seems to be the most confused.  "Does, like, the rooster have to get it on with one of the hens to make eggs?"  No.  "So the eggs just keep happening?"


Convinced that everyone else is just pretending to understand the difference between unfertilized & fertilized eggs, Alexis asks "So are they, like, asexual?  What makes them make eggs?"

Jefra answers.


LJ puts this amazing discussion to rest.



At the Brawns' camp, Sarah plots to throw the Immunity Challenge to get Cliff out.  Unfortunately for her, the Immunity Challenge involves throwing balls into hoops.  So...yeah.

This was a very frustrating challenge to watch, mostly because Probst insisted on calling the balls buoys, & Buoys Buoys Buoys is just not as much fun as


Beauty finishes first.  The Brawns try their hardest to lose, but they don't have J'Tia on their team.  Spencer is jumping up & down in frustration as he is super close to actually winning a basketball playoff with a former NBA player, but J'Tia can neither dive down to release the buoys/balls, swim to retrieve them, or throw them to Spencer.  J'Tia is basically as useful as I would be on Survivor (except I would never be wasteful with carbs).  The Brains come in last, once again.

"Well, maybe they should have PRACTICED for this challenge."

Back at camp, J'Tia plays up her loyalty, & Spencer plays up his physicality.  This continues until Tribal Council, and throughout Tribal Council, where Probst notes that Tasha & Kass are making their decision right there, while Spencer & J'Tia are debating back & forth.

They make the right decision, and keep Spencer, but sadly, Kass never yells out her Episode 1 comment:



Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai) or on this blog's Facebook page!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty - Dot Dot Dot Hmmm

The Brains return to camp after voting out Garrett.  Spencer is resigned to his bottom spot in the tribe, and Tasha reveals that if Garrett hadn't gone and forbade private conversations, J'Tia would have went home. Such a Garrett thing to do.  In the end, Kass chose to keep J'Tia because you can replace rice, &:


The girls decide Spencer will be the next Brain to go, & Kass says "I hope you guys don't turn on me for Spencer", which prompts Tasha to go Kat on us.


Over at the Brawn camp...


This season, Kai's thoughts will be peppered throughout my blog in red writing:
(Repeats) "I knew you were a beepin' cop!  Awesome." 

Tony comes up with the super original Alliance name Cops R Us.


Between this & the rice-dumping, Caramoan must have been fresh in everyone's minds.

There are 10 minutes of a bad weather montage, but being well into the 5th month of winter here, I am not sympathetic to rain.  Tony says "This is what I envision Hell to be like."

"What I envision Hell to be like is The Nether in Minecraft."

Woo's energy is infectious.  He somehow gets pumped up by the bad weather.  Woo woos.

The Beauties cannot deal with shriveled fingers.  They look like normies and they do not like that.  LJ decides to look for an idol in the area Morgan emerged from when they arrived at camp on Day One.  He finds it, & congratulates himself on his hard work.

The Brains read the Tree Mail, & learn that the next challenge will involve passing water from bucket to bucket.  Tasha wants to practice, & before long...



"I've done this challenge at school."
"Don't lie, Kai.  This is not the Internet, nor is it Survivor."
"...Are you throwing my own quote back at me?"

Despite all their practicing, the Brains end up sucking so badly at this portion of the challenge that it's comical.  They manage to catch up in the vertical maze portion, and narrowly avoid another Tribal Council by finishing before the Beauties.

Alliances are tested in the Beauties & Jefra does not understand the concept of strategy at all.  Alexis explains that they'll split the vote between Morgan & Brice, & if it's a 3-way tie & neither plays an idol, they'll all vote for Brice.  That's exactly what ends up happening, so it's not a bad thing that I've had no time this week to write this recap because not much happened.  At all.

There was this gem from Tribal council: Probst asks Morgan if the tribe embodies any of the cliches associated with beauty.


I am very sad to see Brice go though, because I really liked him, & the talk of the town is that his LEGO minifig is my favourite from the whole season.


"They haven't done a Redemption Island duel yet."
"There is no Redemption Island this season."
"...So Brice is GONE gone?"

We will miss you & your purple pants & your vest & your mastery of eye-rolling & your Dawson-like ability to stare down Probst while he snuffs your torch.

Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai) or on this blog's Facebook page!  May we all join Brice in the butterfly stages of our lives - flying around, looking pretty, eating plants.


Monday, March 03, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty - Premiere - Acting Like a Garrett

Season 28 begins with the 3 tribes arriving via different modes of transportation, just so we know they're very different.  The Beauties are on a boat, so the wind can whip through their hair while the choppy waters provide just the right amount of chest bounce-age.  The Brains are in a helicopter so they can look down at the dummies, and we're told they have an average IQ of 130...which doesn't seem terribly impressive.  The Brawns are in a flatbed barreling down a dirt road, so they can show off their muscles by holding on.

Probst tells them they've been divided into tribes "based on 3 of the qualities it takes to succeed in this game."

Brawn

Brains

Beauty

This season, it was suggested to me that my 9 year old son should collaborate with me on my recaps, and Kai is SO up for it.  Truth be told, I should have been doing this with Kai since his "Penner's eyes are so blue he looks like one of Loki's minions" comment during Philippines.  This season, all of Kai's contributions will appear in red text.  They'll also most likely be better & funnier than anything I come up with.

"What tribe would I be on? BRONZE.  The metal.  The colour of my hair."

Probst asks the Survivors if they can figure out which tribe they're in.  He asks them like this:


Morgan answers with what can be considered a catchphrase after the second use in 4 minutes, right?


Probst then has the tribes wordlessly select a leader, and then has the leader select the weakest member of the tribe.  You know, to build that sense of tribe loyalty & pride from the very beginning.  On the Brawn tribe, Sarah chooses Trish, for the Brains, David chooses Garrett, & for the Beauties, LJ chooses Morgan because:



"I don't think cute is different than hot.  It's basically the same thing.  Guys like girls who are cute and hot.  But the beautiful, gorgeous girls...the ones with the big words...sexy girls...those are the girls that guys love."

(After Kai said that, I told him he was cute.  "...Or am I hot?  Apparently there's a difference I was not aware of.")

The chosen "weak" members get to the camp early, where they have a choice between a second bag of rice for the tribe, or a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol.  Trish chooses the rice for her tribe, while both Garrett & Morgan choose to look for the idol.  It's not like either of their tribes will be needing extra rice this early in the game, amiright?

Garrett finds the Hidden Immunity Idol, so he's totally guaranteed to stick around for a long time.

"I have a feeling Garrett is going to get David back."

Morgan is searching for the idol when the rest of the Beauties appear, & she comes up with a decent lie based on the few supplies they're given: "I hope you guys like what I picked - I picked rice, shelter stuff & fishing stuff."

LJ is still suspicious though, given that she's "already in her underwear, just like a mermaid that just walked out of the ocean."



The Beauties are the first tribe to make fire, because, duh, they're hot.

"I don't have a favourite on the Beauty tribe."

Over on the Brawn tribe, Cliff tells everyone the truth - that he's a former NBA player, & everyone is impressed, but still Chop me down some more bamboo, 8' tall guy.

"Cliff is my favourite Brawn. He played in the NBA. That's sick."

Sarah, a cop, is convinced that Tony is also a cop.  Tony is, but doesn't want to admit it because he doesn't want everyone to know that he is, indeed, "strategical".



The Brains begin building their shelter, using the blueprints in J'Tia's mind.  She's a Nuclear Engineer, so they can all trust that she knows what she's doing, and is super sane.  She bosses everyone around, & the shelter falls apart.  But she means well!  Clearly, she's a lady who just wants what's best for her tribe.

Off to the first Immunity Challenge, in which Jeff points out, "whatever brains they have have clearly evaporated 72 hours into this game.  Un-be-lievable how far behind they are."  The Beauties win, Brawn comes in second, and the Brains are off to Tribal Council.

"Why can I never see a camera?  How do they do that?"

Back at the Brains' camp, Tasha says "We're book smart, but when it comes to playing this game, we're dumb." David wants Garrett gone for the same reason he chose him as the weakest - he sees him as a threat at the end of the game.  Remember when Penner wouldn't commit to a Final 4 in Philippines because that was looking too far ahead?  They were at the Final 8 at that point.  Episode 10.  David is at the Final 18.  THE PREMIERE.

Kass, whom I adore because #TEAMMOM will always be a thing, is adamant that they should instead vote based on tribe harmony.  She suggests that instead of voting out the strongest person on their tribe, maybe they should go with, you know, the tribe member who was bossing everyone around to build their idea of a shelter that only would support 6 people theoretically?  "She's dead weight."  Besides, if they vote out J'Tia, she's excited for the opportunity to say:


J'Tia approaches Kass & says Who are are you thinking of voting for tonight?  Kass says, "Honestly, I'm leaning towards you."

"Why would Kass tell her that?"
"She says she wants to be honest."
"Who's honest on Survivor?  Survivor's like the Internet."

J'Tia is worried - she didn't think her assertiveness was coming across as bossy - but Tasha & Garrett reassure her. Garrett steers them towards voting for David.

"I was right."

Spencer is down to vote for David, but wonders aloud about how strange it is that no idol clues have come into play.

"I like Spencer, because he's good at my favourite sport.  Chess."

At Tribal Council, before everyone is seated, Garrett freaks out over a spider.


Probst thinks this is nuts "given all you've been through".  Jeff, please.  A spider is still a spider.  And we didn't actually see the spider.  They are on an island in The Philippines.  It could have looked like this:


"Who are they going to get rid of? I don't like J'Tia because she's bossy.  I don't like Garrett because he's acting like a Garrett.  Even though he's, I think(?), smart, he should be on the Brawn tribe. The cast people messed up." 

Time to vote, & David is voted out, much to Kai's chagrin.  But not because he liked David.

"I was hoping it would go to the rocks because it was tied for a moment there.  The rocks are exciting.  But I feel good because this is just the first episode and there will be many moments where I'll think it might go to the rocks."

The next morning at Camp Brain, J'Tia asks if anyone has suggestions for starting the fire.  Sounds like someone has accepted the criticism she received from her fellow tribe members, & is now trying to be more of a team player.  Things can only improve!

Garrett has a confessional where he talks about what a terrible time he's having.


Kai is bewildered to the point where we have to press pause.

"Garrett said he's not having fun playing Survivor? It's not an adventure? He was searching for an Idol in a waterfall! And he said he likes vegetables? Do you see what I mean about this guy?"

I actually didn't, at this point.  I really liked Garrett in the first hour of Survivor.  It can't be easy to be singled out from the start, especially when he probably expected to be a dominating, valued tribe member.

Over at the Brawn tribe, Cliff & Woo take their boat out on a fishing expedition.  They capsize almost immediately.



"I really like Cliff.  He has a really nice laugh."

Everyone loves Cliff, & Tony seems to think it's because they're all fans, but they seem to genuinely like this genuinely like-able guy.

Brice is astutely aware of most of the games his Beauty tribe-mates are playing. "There's a lot of people playing dumb out here, and I am on to it."  Well, he thinks some of them are playing dumb.  As for Jefra,


Over at the Brawn tribe, Trish & Tony bond over their frustration that everyone is fawning over Cliff instead of being more involved with building the shelter.  Tony almost shares confidential intel as to why he's cool with building it solo, but says he's tell Trish later.  You see, Tony has been working on the Brawns' shelter.  But it's no ordinary shelter.  Tony is too "strategical" for that.   On one side, it's just a functional shelter on the beach.  But on the other, there are leaves that he can listen through.  Oh, yeah.

But that sounds like any old shelter that anyone could stand behind and listen in on conversations, you say.
NONSENSE.   This is a high-tech surveillance system.
This is a #SPYSHACK, & the Brawns are most likely still being monitored today.  I expect Tony will have wiretaps authorized for Beauty & Brains before Day 20.


Off to the Immunity Challenge.

"'For the losers, nothing but a date with me tonight at Tribal Council'...that's funny.  Jeff Probst is funny."

The Brains end up with a huge lead in the last portion, which is a puzzle.  J'Tia cannot get it done, and before long, both Beauty & Brawn finish ahead of her.  The Brains are heading back to Tribal Council, & J'Tia is pretty sure she's doomed.

At Camp Brawn, everyone congratulates Sarah for her killer puzzle skills, and Tony finds an Idol clue in their reward basket of seasonings.  He finds the Idol under water, & taken out of context, it seems highly inappropriate.

At the Brains, Garrett decides everyone should tell the group who they're voting for, and then stick together so there's no chance of scrambling or having strategic conversations of any kind.  (Oh, okay.  I see what Kai meant about this guy now).  Everyone reluctantly admits they think J'Tia should go, & J'Tia is left to spend the rest of the day knowing it's her last day, which should be super fun!

Tasha is not on board with this & has a mini freak out & it is amazing & I love her.


Spencer is also lamenting the stupid move Garrett made.  "It would have been so easy to just tell J'Tia what she wants to hear...but now we have to babysit these girls."

At some point in the day, Tasha & Kass manage to get away & discuss voting Garrett out instead.  When Garrett notices the girls have gone off to have one of the dreaded side conversations he forbade, he & Spencer go down to the water to babysit.  Leaving J'Tia alone with what was once a full bag of rice.  Kass is worried that leaving J'Tia alone will lead to disaster, but Garrett assures her, "There are no shenanigans."

Oh, there are shenanigans.


"This is like what that other guy did.  Rude."



The rest of the Brains return to the shelter.  Kass asks, "Who poured rice on the fire?"  J'Tia says, "I don't know."  Kass answers like a Mom: "I don't know?  The Rice Fairy?"

The Crispy Rice Fairy, maybe.


Off to Tribal Council, where J'Tia says of the rice incident: "Not my best moment."  Garrett slips up & mentions the alliance, then mentions who's in the alliance, then spends the rest of Tribal Council trying to twist his words around.  Time to vote.

"I wish I had that Survivor marker."

Garrett, who has an Idol but left it at camp, is voted out.

"Yes! So wait - the girl who poured out the rice & sucked in the challenge & was bossy gets to stay?  Something big is going to happen to that tribe in the next episode. I can just estimate it."

I really loved these first 2 episodes of Survivor - let me know your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai) or on this blog's Facebook page!  I hope you enjoyed the LEGO & Kai's contributions!



Thursday, January 30, 2014

Snapchat Harry Potter FanFic

Snapchat can be a lot of fun, & I have quite a few friends who are really, REALLY good at it.

They're great at being hilariously random, like this Snapchat from @AriFerarri:


I'm still not sure if it's Ari's portrayal of Ryan Gosling as Spiderman, or more of a What if Peter Parker had Snapchat?  Either way, LOVE.  I just hope he didn't send this to both Mary Jane AND Gwen, but I guess we'll never know until Snapchat gives us the ability to see how many people a Snapchat was sent to.  ARE YOU LISTENING, SNAPCHAT?

My friends are great at using the drawing tools to maximum effect, like this work of art from @JessicaNFrey, who turned herself into me:


That motivational Snapchat is what got me to the top of that damn mountain.

And lets be real - my friends are amazing at being sexxxy (you don't get to see those Snapchats).

In the past, I've used Snapchat to surprise my friends:

Hold Up, Bro, that's my sushi! NBD, just having a Bro Down with Survivor's Cochran.

I've heard that some people also use Snapchat to share inappropriate scenarios they've created involving LEGO minifigs of themselves & people they know.  So I've heard.

But as far as I'm concerned, Miss Haley Strong just won Snapchat with her Harry Potter FanFic.  She created this masterpiece using Snapchat's "My Story" feature.  I AM SO GLAD SHE FOUND A USE FOR THIS FEATURE.

Here is the beginning chapter of this FanFic:









I highly recommend reading the rest of this epic tale on Haley's blog.  It continues on with the story we all know & love, & then they set off on adventures.  It's really awesome, & you do *not* want to miss the Hippogriff.  Or the "About the Author" section.  

You're a wizard, Haley.