Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Survivor: San Juan del Sur - Premiere

San Juan del Sur is the 29th season of Survivor, and the 2nd installment of the Blood vs Water twist - playing with/against a loved one.  It worked well when one of the pairs was a returning player, so this season is trying it with all newbies.  Now, I didn't do a cast assessment this year because as a musical theatre performer/lover who created Hold Up, Bro, & whose theatre group had a fundraising Survivor weekend this summer (Our host was SitzProbst.  SITZPROBST!!!), it's pretty clear that I'm a fan of musical theatre & Survivor colliding.   So I didn't want to go on & on & on about my love for Reed & Josh. *

*I make no promises to restrain myself for future seasons.

Like last season, my 10 year old son Kai will be contributing to these recaps with his thoughts on the episodes (which will display in a red font), & he's decided he'll make Vines with the LEGO throughout the season as well - if you'd like to see what a 10 year old Vines, you can check him out here.

The second Blood vs Water season begins the same way the first did - with the pairs experiencing a "Day Zero" - one night together before the game really starts.

We begin to meet the pairs - Jaclyn, former Miss Michigan, says of her & Jon:  "I don't want people to hate us & think we're this crazy perfect couple."  I don't know, you guys look pretty generic to me.


Already I'm having flashbacks to last season.



Then there's former MLB star & infamous ranter John Rocker, & his girlfriend, Lisa Rinna Julie McGee.


Rocker starts talking, & in the cast videos I was struck by how much Danny McBride actually sounds like him as Kenny Powers, but throughout this whole episode, every single time Rocker said something:
1. I couldn't understand a word, &
2. He sounds exactly like Harold, the bass singer of The Statler Brothers.  I'll be waiting for him to break out into Flowers on the Wall at every moment.


Baylor & Missy are Mother-Daughter cheerleaders.



We meet real bros Drew & Alec, the lead singers for Collective Soul & Dishwalla, respectively.




Father & Daughter Dale & Kelley are hoping to strengthen their sometimes rocky relationship.



The we meet boyfriends & Broadway performers Reed & Josh, and with the new No-Talking-Survivor-on-Social-Media rule the current players have to follow, I'm beyond bummed because can you imagine a Hold Up, Bro remake voiced by these guys?  I'm dying.  DYING.


Maybe my favourite part of the premiere is when Probst tells us in a voiceover that they both perform on Broadway, & then clarifies which Broadway with "In New York".  THANKS, JEFF.  Josh shares that Reed gave him flint for their first Valentine's Day & I'M DONE I LOVE THESE TWO. <3


Jeremy & Val are my other out-of-the-gates favourites, & the fact that Val sounds like a much less-neurotic Mindy Lahiri only has a little bit to do with that.



I never watched The Amazing Race when The Twinnies were on, so all I know is that Nadiya & Natalie were polarizing.  I tend to like people that other people dislike, so we'll see how this works out.  But I adore their style.



Keith & Wes are Father-Son firefighters.


I can't understand them when they speak, either.  Thankfully, I may have help this season.


After their night together, everyone comes together & Probst acts like he doesn't know anyone's names again.  He separates the loved ones into 2 tribes, Coyopa and Hunahpu, & asks each tribe to put up someone for a one-on-one Reward Challenge.  Winner brings flint & beans back to their camp, and the loser goes to Exile Island, which is back this season.  Rock Paper Scissors decides which tribe puts up someone first - Hunahpu wins & Jeremy volunteers.  Probst asks if he wants to know who he's competing against.


Surprise! It's your wife!  These two are super competitive & it makes me want to play board games with them.  Jeremy wins, and gets emotional about sending his wife to Exile.  Probst tells him to pick one person from Hunahpu to send with Val to Exile, & he picks Keith - my first thought was "Go yourself!", but it's not clear if that was even an option, let alone a choice Jeremy would have made.  Kai has other opinions.

"I would have picked another girl to send with my wife because what if they fall in love?  They're alone...on an island...that's romantic, right?  And I know she's not a lesbian because she married a man."

Hunahpu flocks around Jeremy back at camp.  He won them food & fire, he's a firefighter...he's beloved & trusted right away.

Over at Coyopa, everyone is much younger than Dale, who's already feeling ostracized.  Dale fixes that.



On Exile Island, Val & Keith come across 2 urns for them to open.  Val's has an Idol clue in it, Keith's is empty.  Keith tells Val he hasn't been North of Arkansas.



Silly Keith - if you're in Massachusetts all you have to do is wait for The Rice Fairy to show up & give you guidance.



Keith finds out that Jeremy is a firefighter, and is now optimistic about forming a bond with Jeremy when he gets back to Hunahpu.

The majority of Hunahpu is frolicking in the water & Drew is wondering why nobody is helping him & Jon build the shelter.  Jon says Yeah, where did everyone go?  Drew says Love is in the water, love is in the air.   Show me where to look, tell me will love be there?  Jon scurries under the bamboo because weird.  Drew reveals to us that he's kind of a big deal in Europe, in the modeling world.  But he's not here to be a model.  He's here to play Survivor.  Julie thinks he's arrogant, so holy shit, that dude must be arrogant because she's dating John Rocker.

Rocker, meanwhile, has his cover blown by Wes, who, like his Dad, recognized him immediately.


At Coyopa, Josh's eyes are burning & irritated & somehow everyone decides there's poisonous sap in the greenery they used as roofing sometime in the day prior.  Must have been mid-afternoon, as I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out, says Alec, and everyone is like Bro, just help us get rid of these leaves.

Time for the first Immunity Challenge, which involves scurrying around like possessed spider people from a Japanese horror movie, & retrieving bags with pieces to help each tribe scale 3 walls in 3 different ways.  First tribe to reach the top & solve a puzzle wins the creepiest Immunity Idol ever.


"Way to give you nightmares, geez."

Coyopa has an early lead, as Rocker nails the rope ball catch thingy in what appears to be his third attempt, & helps his tribemates out by literally carrying them on his back, which makes for an awkward moment with Val.


"Why can't they just use those stairs on the side?  I would use the stairs."

Spidey has no problem scaling the wall, obvs.



Coyopa begins their puzzle first, but Hunahpu solves it first.  Their excitement is shortlived as it sinks in that their loved ones will go to Tribal Council.  So far, there is no gloating from anyone in this season of Blood vs Water.

Back at Coyopa with a Tribal Council looming, Dale knows he's the only one who can make fire, but he also knows he's the oldest.  He sets his sights on Nadiya as a target, as watching her on The Amazing Race showed she won't hesitate to backstab someone.

Nadiya tries to solidify an alliance with Josh, telling him she thinks the girls should work together - & to Nadiya, that includes Josh.



 I cringe, & Josh reveals:


"Is she calling him a girl just because he likes boys?  That's hashtag stupid, hashtag mean, hashtag sexist...wait - is that sexist or another ist?"

At Tribal Council, Nadiya furthers her ignorance by rationalizing everyone's love of Josh to him being "in-between the girls and the boys".  Throughout this exchange, Rocker is presumably chewing off the inside of his cheeks trying to keep his mouth shut.

Time to vote, & Rocker votes Nadiya, saying to the camera, "I love you sweetheart, great personality" & you know in his head he's just Anyone who calls a gay guy a chick is cool in my books.

Nadiya is the first boot, & the only mystery is why Josh voted for Baylor.



I've said it before, but if you're not following along with the live-tweeters during Survivor, you're missing one of the reasons it's so fun to watch, which makes the new social media ban for the players all the more annoying.  Interacting with the Survivors is one of the things that makes this, & Reality TV in general, uniquely engaging in a way that a lot of television isn't.  Here are a few of my favourite tweets/tweeters from the night, so if you want to get started, start by following these guys:







Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai) or on this blog's Facebook page!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty: Sad Skeletor

Now that my show is over & life has returned to as next to normal as I can get it, Kai & I are back for these last 2 episodes of Survivor.  This Wednesday during the finale, I will be live-tweeting with Kai, & also attempting to LEGO meme live-tweet the live-tweeters.  It's all very ambitious.  I dream big.

While I was away from recapping, Survivor got sexy:


Kai had some interesting thoughts:


and after Spencer called children "little monsters", he quickly dropped from Kai's #1 spot.




Kai's comments in this recap are in red, as always.  Before watching this episode with him, I told him he was going to like it.

"Why?  Do they talk about lambos?"

...close, Kai.  Close.

With Tasha freshly voted out, Spencer is left without any allies, & puts all his hope on his belief that he's "playing [Survivor] with people who understand it so little."  Kass states that she'd like to go to the end with Tony because he's annoyed so many people.

"Well, he is a cop.  He does have to be obnoxious sometimes."

The Reward Challenge involves rolling around in mud, & then filling a bucket with that mud, to win pizza with all the fixin's delivered right to camp.  Tony wins, despite having no hair to help transport the mud.


Probst says "Everybody knows pizza delivered to home for one is kind of pathetic" & I'll BRB after I cancel my order.  Tony chooses Trish to join him in his reward.


As they enjoy, Tony asks, "How do you beat a helicopter delivering your pizza?"

Thank you for not questioning this strange request, @AriFerarri.

And just for @ChannonSarah...



Tony tells Kass he knows she was going to blindside him, thanks to Woo, but he wants to go to the end with her anyway.  Kass decides that if she's going to sit next to Tony at the end, she needs to stir up trouble & make him as unlikeable as possible.


Kai is still stuck on the @peppermintfatty hashtag he read over my shoulder last week.

"I like #Kasshole better."

Kass tells Woo that Tony told her what he said to Tony & Tony blows up at her & takes back his Final 3 deal with her.  Tony then talks llama & I've never been more bummed that I just don't have the time to make a LEGO llama for this recap, so just look at this one:

More info here.

Kass & Spencer try to pull Woo in again.  Spencer asks Woo if he has any thoughts.


While Woo thinks out loud, we see Tony getting some water.

"What's he drinking out of?  A golf club?"

Kass suggests taking out Trish, so Tony loses one of his options for a goat.  Trish overhears, & is not happy.


The Immunity Challenge consists of unbraiding rope, unlocking rungs, building ladders, and a slide puzzle. Without balls or poles involved in any way, can Probst get an innuendo in there?  Yes, he can.  Probst takes the opportunity to bring #SEXYSURVIVOR back during the ladder-building portion.


Tony is the first to get to the slide puzzle, but has great difficulty.  Spencer catches up.


Spencer wins Immunity.  Kai is unimpressed.

"Booooooooo."

As soon as they get back to camp, Trish lays into Kass.


Trish says "You turn around with that big, ugly, shit-eating grin on your face..."  Of course, "shit" is bleeped out, & for the next 2 minutes, it's:

"What was that word, Mom?  "What"-eating face?  You can tell me.  I like finding out new things to say.  Like Kasshole.  But I won't say this one.  So what was it?  The B word?  The F word?  Tell me."

Kass later says, "She looked like frickin' Skeletor, with her big blue eyes popping out, & her skeleton finger waving in my face."


Everyone wants Woo to make a decision, & as much as I really like Woo, he's not very good at that.
It's a lot of "What do I do?" before Tribal Council.

At Tribal, Kass says "Trish railed into me like a frickin' wild skeleton blue-eyed banshee", & I really, really hope Trish sends Kass this for her birthday:


Probsts asks Kass to repeat that, & Kass says she doesn't know what she just said, & my twitter feed is glorious for a moment, thanks to these beautiful people whom you most definitely should be following:


Tony plays his Hidden Immunity Idol, & puts his Special Idol around his neck, lying that he'll use it next week, even though it's void after this Tribal Council.  Probst never calls him out on it.  So not only does Tony not give Trish one of his idols, he votes for her along with everyone else.  Trish is voted out.

The finale is this Wednesday, which seems totally weird.  I asked Kai who he'd like to see win, & he said:

"Survivor is like hockey - I'm on my second picks for both.  Because Boston is gone now & Spencer just sucks now.  So go Chicago & go Woo."

Don't forget that this Wednesday, I will be live-tweeting with Kai, & LEGO-meme-live-tweeting the live-tweeters, so if you're not doing so already, follow me on twitter (@MomofKai), as well as all the wonderful live-tweeters I'll be live-tweeting, & like this blog's Facebook page!


Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty - Walking Dead

The Solana Tribe returns to camp after voting Cliff out, & I have a confession to make.  Up until @truedorktimes made me aware of my error, I had thought the name of this tribe was actually Salani, & I just thought it weird that they used the same tribe name in One World.  You all know this misunderstanding could have been avoided if I'd had my very own #PocketPitman.  Also if I had paid closer attention, but it's not like Probst ever said anything but Brawn, Brains, or Beauty before last week, either.

No, YOU stop trying to make #PocketPitman happen.

Trish attempts to explain, but Lindsey wants none of it.  She is disgusted by Trish & tells her so. 



Trish tells Lindsay to ask her if she cares.  

Turns out Kai has never heard that one before.  "Whoa - That's a good one."  Look for it in the grade 4 classroom later this week.

Lindsey summons Probst & then quits.  QUITS.  Because she can't handle Trish??  I am super bummed that I wasted such an excellent LEGO minifig on a quitter.  SUPER BUMMED.


"But what about when her daughter watches this? Watching your Mom walk away from $1 million can't be better."

The tribe is pretty calm when they find out, & once again, I'm impressed with Woo's ability to just go with whatever is happening, with whomever is closest to him.

Aparri is overjoyed at the other tribe's loss.


"I didn't have to do anything either.  I'm just like Spencer!"

The Reward Challenge is the Knock-the-other-guy's-idol-down challenge, & it gets physical.

"Oh, right in the tit."
"Kai."
"What? La tĂȘte - it's 'head' in French...?"

Solana wins the Reward of going back to Aparri's camp & raiding it.  While there, Tony & Woo give a useless Immunity Idol clue to Jeremiah, hoping to put a target on him.

Back at their camp, Tony can't wait to tell his tribe-mates about his sting operation.  He's so excited, in fact, that he tells them he's really a cop & pledges his allegiance to them forever & ever.  He hasn't even built a #SpyShack at Solana, so you can tell he means it for really reallz.

Aparri is suspicious of Jeremiah, and his insistence that it was an old clue just makes him seem more shifty.  

Off to the Immunity Challenge, which is a huge obstacle course, followed by a puzzle that will give a combination.

"Challenges are my favourite colour."

"I would love to do this challenge, but they wouldn't let me because of the machete.  But I would say 'Why can't kids use machetes'?"

Solana wins again, & Tony, who just lurves his new tribe, yells "Top Five!  Top Five!" which lets Sarah over on Aparri know that Cops R Us is busted.

On the surface, Aparri is all Whatevs, after tonight we'll still have more numbers than you, but inside, they're all:


Kass reflects on the change in position for The Brains.  "It does seem that The Brains are kind of in control....Everyone's kind of gonna follow our lead...We just needed people to boss around.  The brain needed a body.  We found our zombies - now we're in."


(I can't not use "Brains needing a body" to throw in a plug for Young Frankenstein.  If you're in the Toronto area, it's going to be a really, really fun show.  Come see me as Inga!  Buy your tickets here!)

At Tribal, loyalty is much discussed, as is often the case right after a tribe swap.  Suspicion over Jeremiah rises, and Alexis' name is thrown around, too.  She seems completely bewildered & wide-eyed.

Alexis is voted out, presumably because she was pushing too hard to get Jeremiah out.  She can barely look at Probst as he snuffs her torch.  She cries throughout her entire walk out & last confessional, like a rejected Bachelor contestant leaving in a limo.

"Well, she didn't even know the difference between chickens making eggs, and chickens making chickens.  I mean...really."

Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai), or on this blog's Facebook page!


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty: Rolling Logjam

After voting J'Tia out, the 3 remaining Brains return to camp.


Upon hearing this (& upon being Canadian), Kai & I looked at each other & launched into...


Spencer envisions that this could be the Final 3.  "The only thing between us & that is 2 entire tribes."

Off to a Reward Challenge & Probst tells everyone to drop their buffs.  The Brains move to Aparri with Jeremiah, Alexis, Morgan and Sarah.  Sarah is the only Brawn not on Salani, which also has Jefra and LJ.

The reward is something Dawn warned us about in Caramoan.




The Challenge is a pull-the-other-guy-off-a-pole challenge, & the tribe that's mostly Brawns wins.

While enjoying their reward, LJ & Trish bond over being from Massachusetts.  Lindsay continues to be annoyed by Trish, as is Cliff.

"There are no alliances in the NBA.  I don't think."

Over at Aparri, Alexis tells all of Beauty's secrets to the Brains.  I like to think that at some point, she asked them:


As soon as she leaves, Morgan does the same thing, and then Jeremiah does, too.  Beauty fades, you guys.

At Salani, Trish tells Jefra that she's not aligned with Lindsay.  Jefra is happy to learn this info, but says "I'm not gonna count my chickens before they're hatched", but that may be because chickens are still very confusing.

The Immunity Challenge involves a battering ram that's also a puzzle.  Aparri wins, despite most of the physical strength being on Salani.


Salani is looking to vote LJ out first.  Yeah, he's strong, but so is the rest of the tribe, and now that he has a bond with Trish, it makes sense.

Trish, on the other hand, would like to keep LJ and all that sex appeal he speaks of, & approaches Tony to instead vote for Cliff with them.  This leads to Tony feeling Cliff out, which leads to the greatest camera angle ever.



Tony ultimately sides with Trish, LJ, & Jefra, & Cliff is voted out of the game.



"Who's the guy who was in prison?"
"Vytas?"
"Yeah.  I miss him."

Share your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai), or on this blog's Facebook page!

SHAMELESS PLUG: If you're in the Toronto area, come see me as Inga in Young Frankenstein!  Buy your tickets here, & watch me in a rehearsal clip here!



Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty - J'Pee-a

Beauty returns to camp after voting out their pretty vegetarian butterfly, Brice.  Morgan calls out Jeremiah for flipping on his other alliance.

Foreshadowing
Jeremiah responds in that voice *shudder*.


The next morning, the Brains read Tree Mail, which makes it clear that blindfolds will be a part of a Reward Challenge.  So they do what Brains are wont to do.  They practice again.


The challenge itself bruises everyone, with Probst delighting in every injury.

My son Kai's comments will be peppered throughout the blogs this season in a red font, & he took offense to Probst's "Lindsay takes one right in the...stomach!" comment.

"Um, not really."

Even a 9 year old knows that's not her stomach.

LJ takes the worst of the crotch-shots, several times.

 

LJ keeps right on going, though, & Beauty wins the reward of 3 chickens & a rooster.  J'Tia is absolutely useless in this challenge, despite her only job being placing items on a platform & hoisting, & single-handedly loses the reward of a dozen eggs for the Brains.

"More like J'Pee-a."

Poor Tasha noticeably grimaces & turns her head when after a pathetic performance, J'Tia says:


Kai was particularly entranced by Spencer's reaction to their loss.  So much so that he had to recreate it, much like he's been recreating other scenes from this season at every opportunity, like Garrett's J'Tia-Vote-Face, & Tony's impersonation of his tribe-mates' fabricated cries of But I like Sarah!




The Beauty tribe wins the chickens & they do not know what to do with them.  Or what the chickens do.   Or how the chickens do whatever it is that they do.  Or what they have to do to facilitate the chickens doing what they do, whatever that may be.  Alexis seems to be the most confused.  "Does, like, the rooster have to get it on with one of the hens to make eggs?"  No.  "So the eggs just keep happening?"


Convinced that everyone else is just pretending to understand the difference between unfertilized & fertilized eggs, Alexis asks "So are they, like, asexual?  What makes them make eggs?"

Jefra answers.


LJ puts this amazing discussion to rest.



At the Brawns' camp, Sarah plots to throw the Immunity Challenge to get Cliff out.  Unfortunately for her, the Immunity Challenge involves throwing balls into hoops.  So...yeah.

This was a very frustrating challenge to watch, mostly because Probst insisted on calling the balls buoys, & Buoys Buoys Buoys is just not as much fun as


Beauty finishes first.  The Brawns try their hardest to lose, but they don't have J'Tia on their team.  Spencer is jumping up & down in frustration as he is super close to actually winning a basketball playoff with a former NBA player, but J'Tia can neither dive down to release the buoys/balls, swim to retrieve them, or throw them to Spencer.  J'Tia is basically as useful as I would be on Survivor (except I would never be wasteful with carbs).  The Brains come in last, once again.

"Well, maybe they should have PRACTICED for this challenge."

Back at camp, J'Tia plays up her loyalty, & Spencer plays up his physicality.  This continues until Tribal Council, and throughout Tribal Council, where Probst notes that Tasha & Kass are making their decision right there, while Spencer & J'Tia are debating back & forth.

They make the right decision, and keep Spencer, but sadly, Kass never yells out her Episode 1 comment:



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