Thursday, October 25, 2012

Survivor: Philippines - Oh My Lanta - 25.6

Dawson was voted out (& dragged off of Probst) at the last Tribal Council, & Red vows never to lose again.  Katie thinks Penner has the idol & Denise is like "no duh".  Katie is intent on making it to the merge, & wants Penner gone to increase those chances.

We find out that at Yellow, Mike has been eating the supply of rice.  Dry.  This doesn't make much sense because the wonderful thing about rice is that it expands so much that a handful could feed the whole tribe.  But Mike is popping dinner-sized portions of dry rice in his mouth by the handful.  I know that birds exploding from eating the rice thrown at weddings is a myth, but since it's Skupin doing the eating...let's just say it's not out of the realm of possibility for him to just explode one day.  He should take it easy.

Pete says Mike is useless & mocks his theory that the rice will cook in his stomach because it's almost 100° in there.  Artis can't stand Mike & views him as expendable, now that they have the mighty Malcolm on their tribe.

At the Reward Challenge, Malcolm is probably shaking from the cold, but I like to think he's doing an inner happy dance & finger wiggle when he sees that Denise wasn't voted out of Red.  The Challenge is basically mud soccer, but the ball is enormous & it's 3 against 3.  First tribe to score 3 goals wins a picnic feast in a dry hut.  First up is Penner, Carter & Denise vs Mike, Pete & Lisa.   There are tackles, gropes & pushes, but eventually everyone is just hanging on, not going anywhere.  Penner says he & Skupin have the endurance to wait it out.  Skupin: "This is heaven."  Penner: (face down in the mud with Skupin sitting on him) "It's something."  If the ball had not been a sphere of handles, & instead had a smooth surface, the ball might have gone somewhere.

After more than an hour of waiting it out, negotiations begin.  Mike says he would give Red the reward if Yellow could take the rest of Red's rice.  Penner thinks it's a good deal because they have fishing supplies &, again, clams the size of Carter's head.  I'm surprised nobody asks exactly how much rice Red has...what if they were down to nothing, too?  It's Artis' birthday, so what do you think, Artis?  "You don't want to hear what I have to say about it."  Artis came here to win & doesn't want to give up anything.  Everyone gets a chance to weigh in & they all just kind of say they're good with whatever Penner & Skupin decide.  The deal is made & Red's rice will be delivered to the Yellow camp, & Red heads off to their reward.

Red gets to the dry hut where the feast is waiting & Katie actually exclaims "Oh my lanta", which makes me like her more.

Red digs in to sandwiches, potato chips, & brownies...Katie takes a slow, seductive bite of the brownie, but she doesn't enjoy it quite as much as Kaylee enjoyed her strawberry in Firefly.


Penner discovers letters on a table, & they are surprised with letters from home.  Everyone is crying, including me, & now they feel better about giving up their rice.

And they shouldn't, really, because it turns out that Red didn't have much more rice than Yellow had.  Artis is upset that Mike made the decision for the tribe.  I get that there's a fine line between fighting for what's best for the tribe & pissing people off, but you can't whine about it after the fact.  Get over it, move on.  Abi is also pissed: "Kalabaw used psychology & it worked."

At Red, it's a beautiful day for fishing (if your name is Ozzy).  Penner catches 2 small fish, but is otherwise unsuccessful.  Carter complains about this, but all of Carter's attempts to actually do something about this must have been edited out.

At the Immunity Challenge, balls will be launched in the air, to be caught with giant lacrosse sticks.  It doesn't matter whose ball you catch - each ball is 1 point.  Denise & Lisa are the launchers & Malcolm does extremely well, & Jeff is great at catching balls.  Huh.  Second best Probst line of the night: "Katie completely ineffective in this challenge."  But she's loyal, Probst!  Doesn't that count for anything anymore?  Malcolm wins it for Yellow & RC jumps on him in celebration...get it, girl.

Back at the Red camp, the defeated tribe is hungry & over the emotions of their letters from home.  Denise is going to Tribal yet again, but at least everyone still wants her around.  Jeff is frustrated & even though he's aligned with Penner, he's on the fence about him.  And I thought a five-fingered handshake meant something to Jeff Kent!

Jeff & Carter discuss the ways in which Katie is worthless (turns out it's all of the ways), & Jeff says the real question is whether or not they want to go into the merge with Penner.  Carter says he really wants Katie gone, but he'll vote Penner if that's what's happening.  And I thought a clam alliance meant something to Carter & his clam-sized head!

Jeff declares that they need to pull a "Penner Punch", which is a thing he just made up, similar to the Four-Finger Handshake.  He tells Carter that as long as Penner doesn't know it's coming, he won't play the idol.  It's as simple as that.

Penner comes over & Carter says (verbatim - I am not making any of this up) "Penner, what do you want to do?  Katie or Penner?  I mean...Katie or...Denise?"

Penner doesn't seem fazed by this - I imagine Carter misspeaks much of the time.  You probably need to inject him with adrenaline before his musings become clear.

Jeff asks Katie if she would vote Penner & she is, like, SO down with that idea.  "Get him the fuck out of here."  Woah...that's the most I've seen Katie contribute to anything.  I don't think she's used to being around someone whose eyes are prettier than hers.

Imagine what she's saying through those clenched teeth!

All of this voting talk has Carter admitting he's confused, surprising no one.  Jeff compares Tribal Council to stepping up to the plate & you don't know if you're going to hit a home run or strike out, but you're swinging the bat anyway.  So, Survivor is just like baseball!

At Spring Training Tribal Council, Denise & Katie are the only ones who admit they're worried about going home.  Katie says "Yeah, I suck at everything, but I'm loyal!"  Probst asks Penner how he's not concerned, & Penner says "One does not even want to volunteer oneself to give anyone else the notion that, 'Huh...maybe I should vote for Penner.'  Whether I think I'm vulnerable or not, I want to give the impression that I feel pretty confident here."

One is so well-spoken, one is like motherf&@%ing Shakespeare.

Jeff says every vote is getting harder because they all like each other.  "There's not gonna be a vote that's not gonna be a blindside."  And now, Probst's best line of the night: "Jeff, you play any games that are similar to Survivor, in terms of strategy?"  Uh, no.  "Are you sure?  Anything where you had to catch a ball in a field?"  Nope.  In fact, let me change the subject - "This game sucks, Jeff."

It sucks in the greatest way possible, or you want to leave?  Cuz we can do that.

Time to vote & Penner does not play his idol.  The first vote is for Katie, the second for Penner & he looks both worried & amused.  Oh my lanta - the rest of the votes are for Katie, & in her closing statement, she says she's just really, really happy to be able to say she was on Survivor.  Ugh.

*Next week's recap will also be on the short side (for me) - tonight is the Opening Night for a production of Fiddler on The Roof in which I play Tzeitel!  It's kind of nuts that I'm still writing these recaps at all with so much going on, so whatever I write, you'll take, right?  Of course right.  If you're in the Toronto area, please come & see me at The Toronto Centre for the Arts - there are still some tickets available for the weekdays, & I'm thrilled to be a part of this show.  Come watch me say the line "After all, Mama, I'm not yet twenty years old." without laughing. 

I had to take a duck face photo - 1905 Russia REPRESENT.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Confectionery - 21

These are the things that I think are great.

In the most recent Presidential debate, Mitt Romney proclaimed "We took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet. I went to a number of women's groups and said: ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”  Who could have known that the internet would have exploded as it did?  I give you the very best Binders of Women memes.

The 4th season of Community was set to premiere on October 19.  NBC decided to push it back, & the show released this video to help upset viewers understand.  NBC Britta'd it.

Artist Sheena Henderson has transformed My Little Pony figures into characters from Star Wars, & they are fantastic.

They are available at her etsy shop, & she also takes commissions, so I'm not too concerned about the lack of an Admiral Ackbar (he would make an awesome My Little Pony, wouldn't he?).  The detail is impressive, & while Slave Leia is my favourite, the Lando Calrissian really makes me giggle.

Adult Swim had been promoting this "event" for awhile...all that was known was that it starred Jon Hamm & Adam Scott, & it was being hailed as The Greatest Event In Television History.  A friend sent me the video, which turned out to be a behind-the-scenes special on the shot-by-shot recreation of the opening of Simon & Simon, which ran from 1981-1989.  Hosted by Jeff Probst, & featuring many cameos, it is a hilarious mockumentary on this ridiculous project that turned out amazingly well.  You can watch the 15 minute special at, but only if you login through your service provider (unavailable in Canada).  It's no longer available on YouTube (although there are poor quality recordings of the special as it aired on TV), but here's a side-by-side comparison of the original Simon & Simon opening, & the Hamm/Scott recreation.  If the full video ever shows up again, this post will be updated to include its awesomeness.
*UPDATE: It's available again!  The video is below the side-by-side.

THE SADNESS OF PAIN AU CHOCOLAT're bread with chocolate!  Why are you so sad?             :(

The audition Henry Thomas gave for the part of Elliott has recently shown up all over the place.  And now I'm crying & have to watch E.T. again.

Those were my favourite sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Survivor: Philippines - Host Groping Swag - 25.5

After voting Russell out at the last Tribal Council, it's down to Malcolm & Denise on the Blue Tribe.  Malcolm may have envisioned being in a Final 2, but maybe "on Day 39 of the game, not a week and a half into the game."  He continues, "Everyone loves an underdog story, right?  So, 2 against 12...the odds are long, but I wouldn't count us out just yet."

Shoeshine Boy has never been dreamier.

Receiving Tree Mail for a Reward Challenge tips them off that they might not return to this camp, so Denise & Malcolm go on an all-out search for the idol.  After ignoring the rice basket lid several times, Malcolm grabs a machete & pries off the idol, throwing the machete into the air with glee (thank goodness Skupin isn't around).  Denise & Malcolm do a happy dance & their patented finger wiggle, but Denise knows that if they split up, the idol is Malcolm's alone.

At the Reward Challenge, Malcolm shows up with his hair down & I can't concentrate on anything, again.  Denise's prediction that they each will go to another tribe comes to fruition.

Drop those buffs!

A random drawing of buffs sends Malcolm to Yellow & Denise to Red.  There is happy rejoicing, but I am sad that the Smart Alliance is split up.  No more adorable dances & awkward hugs between The Hair & the Munchkin of Muscle in the near future.  :(

In this Challenge, they're squaring off one-on-one, each holding an idol.  They must knock off the other person's idol before theirs is knocked off.  The rules seem a little fuzzy, however, as it turns out it doesn't matter whose idol is knocked off first, it matters whose idol hits the ground first.  Probst reveals what they are playing for, & somewhere, Angie is sobbing for what could have been.

The match-ups were kind of awesome - my son liked them because they were battles, not races like the other challenges have been this season (oh, the joy of having only 2 tribes!).  Artis' long reach easily knocked tiny Dana's idol down, but RC couldn't defeat tiny Denise. 

Gladiator vs a lion...
...a beautiful...
...majestic lion.

Remember how I said the rules were fuzzy?  They led to suspect moves like Skupin tossing his own idol high into the air while striking Penner's idol to the ground quickly.

He's either winking at Penner, or he ruptured a cornea.

Dawson pulled Abi-Maria's hair & Abi-Maria remarked "Play like a man, not like a bitch."  Maybe don't grab a boob, then, Abi.

Malcolm wins it for Yellow in his second match-up with Jeff, & they are thrilled.

The Hair.  It is glorious.

On Denise joining Red, Penner says "I like this lady, but I sure would have preferred to have Malcolm on my team, because we might have the cookies & coffee, & now they have an advantage on us, physically."  I love Penner, but was he not paying attention?  I know The Hair can be distracting, but Malcolm lost his first battle against an evenly-matched competitor - he only won in his re-match with Jeff.  Denise won in her only match-up, against the Amazonian RC: a pairing to which I exclaimed "Come on!" before I witnessed Denise bring her usual awesomeness. 

Back at the Yellow camp, everyone digs into the cookies & they share & laugh & celebrate their victory.

Motherf&$%er, she was right.

Lisa is crushing on Malcolm, & also Lisa Whelchel likes him, too.  "He's good-looking, he's smart, he's easy-going...he hasn't brought any kind of negative energy into the tribe, which is great."  

All the negative energy one tribe needs.

Malcolm is very happy with his new tribe.  "I got an Immunity Idol this morning, got a new tribe this afternoon...I feel like I got my swag back."  RC isn't quite as happy as she watches Malcolm bond with Pete (they actually high-five because they're both 24) & nothing is going her way.

Fall into the ocean.

As RC leaves to find her way, Pete takes Malcolm aside & says, hey new guy, since we bonded over being 24, let me tell you all about our tribe dynamic & also I have an idol I'm sharing with Abi & also let's vote Mike out because you're strong & we can afford it now.  Malcolm is all "Sick" & other things that 24 year old guys say to each other, & later says, "Information is power - might as well get all of it while I can, & it wasn't even that difficult for Pete to immediately say 'Oh, I have the idol' one knows I have one, & if Pete's already telling me he has one, he might use that to save me or that's something we can use jointly."

At Red, Denise is trying to fit in to a tribe not so celebratory, & without an idol in her possession to make her feel comfortable.  Katie is excited that another lady has joined their tribe, because the Red Ladies can now grow to a majority alliance if she joins them.  Katie says "It's my job to get Denise under my arm."  Not under her wing, under her arm.  Katie's not stupid - she doesn't have wings, you guys.

Initiation into The Red Ladies: a noogie.

The rain hasn't stopped, & everyone is very cold.  Dana, however, is also feeling very sick.  "I guess I just have a bad immune system, I don't know, but I just can't shake the cold.  I am dizzy, nauseous, completely dehydrated...I just started getting this sharp pain in my stomach."  She's puking, shivering, & burning up.  Penner is concerned - he says it doesn't affect him as "a big fat guy", but "she weighs 47lbs or something."  

Self-deprecate all you want, I'll still linger on your pale blue eyes.

The Medical Team arrives at the camp & while I'm sure Probst was concerned about Dana, you know he was absolutely giddy at the possibility of a medical evacuation in a season featuring 3 formerly medically evacuated players.

Dawson wishes she had thought of getting sick for some Probst attention.  "Jeff Probst is in my camp!  You know, typically, I'd jump up & down & maybe jump on just wasn't good timing, so he was here for Dana."

Dawson plans her Probst host-grope.

Dana is examined & it is determined that she doesn't have to be pulled from the game - she could wait another 12 hours to see if she improves.  She is feeling very ill, though, & decides to leave.  "I can't be out here sick anymore."

Everyone gathers around to say goodbye, & they are all supportive & emotional.  It's clear that Dana is well-liked, & I just wish we had seen more from her.  Nobody is more empathetic than Penner, who knows how heart-breaking it can be to leave Survivor this way.

Probst assures Dana that the pain will soon be gone, & everyone stands on the shore & waves goodbye as Dana is placed on an inner tube & sent into the rapids towards a gigantic rock.

Katie is worried about Dana's health.  Oh wait, no - "Dana leaving screws up everything."  Even though it's still 3 vs 3, Katie is done with the Red Lady alliance.  No noogies for Denise.

On to the Immunity Challenge, where there is an obstacle course, drawbridges that must be released by untying ropes, & a puzzle to be solved once the pieces are released by chopping through wood with an axe.  Abi-Maria volunteers to sit out for Yellow & Probst isn't letting her go that easily.  He asks how many challenges she's actually participated in, & she says 2.  That would be the very first Challenge, & the Reward Challenge in this episode.  Probst says "Wow."  Maybe try playing like a Survivor, & not like Abi-Maria?

Carter & Skupin sail over the mud pit while everyone else goes through it, & Katie is having a hard time on the grassy hill.  Probst comments "Katie really slowing them down on a very easy portion of this Challenge."

Hills are hard.

Red has fallen behind thanks to Katie's stumbling, & Yellow is on their puzzle before Red's drawbridge is down.  Penner takes over chopping from Jeff, & when he finishes, he flings the axe into the air (it embeds in Skupin's forearm, but don't worry, it's just a scratch).  

Probst gives us an update: "Everybody in on this challenge!  Except for Abi, who's sitting out yet again!"  The Penner-Dawson puzzle team (they won the very first Challenge for Red) loses by what looks like a few seconds.  Yellow wins Immunity & Red is going to Tribal Council. 

Back at Red, Dawson doesn't sugarcoat anything for Katie.  "You were not good."  "I'm embarrassed."  "I can understand that - you were not good."  Katie feels responsible for the loss, but Penner feels that Dawson slowed them down at the puzzle stage.

Denise & Jeff go to their very own creepy well & just like that, Denise is part of the Clam Alliance.  She gets a REAL five-fingered handshake from Jeff, but he seems like the kind of guy who doesn't think a handshake with a woman is even a real thing, so I wouldn't be counting on Douchey McTool's loyalty.  I just realized that Jeff Kent has made me think a real handshake should actually mean something in this game, when I've always been on the side of lying in Survivor.  Thanks, Douchey McTool.  You're shaking my Survivor immoral ground.  At least he sees Denise's value, though.  "I think while she's physical & she's mental, I think she's got some pretty good smarts on her."  Like, she's so smart, she's probably never in her life uttered the words "Got some pretty good smarts on her".

Initiation into the Clam Alliance: Finish a clam the size of Carter's head.

Penner agrees Denise is great, & he wants either Katie or Dawson gone.  Jeff says Dawson, because her puzzle-piece-handing skills had him "frickin' fumed".  Carter says Katie, because "Katie looks checked out to me."

CARTER said this.

Lying in the shelter, Dawson tries to stir up some trouble, talking about sports & insulting baseball. "Too much standing around.  It's a bunch of grown men, standing."  Jeff bites his tongue, but later says in a confessional, "If Dawson knows my history as an athlete, the best scenario might be just to vote her out."

At Tribal Council, Dawson says Dana's departure hit them harder than the rain ever could.  Katie says she hopes the tribe considers how well she's performed in the past.  Penner says he thinks if Dana hadn't fallen ill, they would have won the Immunity Challenge.  Jeff says he's looking at the weak links.  Maybe Carter says something both insightful & hilarious, but we don't see it (I'm guessing it would go over our heads).

The first vote is for Denise, & the rest of Red votes Dawson out.  :(  She is shocked at this blindside, but not too shocked to deviate from her plan.  You know who never lost her swag in the first place?  Dawson.  She has waited a long time for Jeff Probst to snuff her torch, & damnit, she's going to savour it.  She is my hero.

Get it, girl.
Probst says, "First Tribal Council, first blindside."  Also, first host-grope.  I have a feeling Dawson's leaving with a happy memory, even though I really wish she had outed Jeff Kent to the tribe.  I suppose if she'd had a clue she was being targeted, she would have.  At least she left before Abi-Maria ripped out her earrings.  Farewell, Dawson - until your inevitable return in my LEGO recap because I have the perfect smiling minifig face & damnit I'm going to use it.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Confectionery - 20

 These are the things that I think are great.


Smoothicus lipsicus! At Bubble & Geek's etsy shop, you can buy this natural lip balm of vanilla & butterscotch goodness.  Along with lip balms, other items available at the shop are candles & soaps, all with a geeky flair.  For instance, a vanilla & peppermint lip balm will remind you that Winter is Coming, & a candle with the sweet scent of Pipe-weed will have you imagining you're in the Shire.  You know I love Plants vs Zombies, so I particularly squealed over the Zombie Repellent candle, which smells like sunflowers (of course).  Perfect gifts for the geeky girl in your life (hint hint).  Buy them (for me) here.


It's hard to believe a city can change so much in 14 years, but I love this CBC before/after series - compare the skyline today with how it looked in 1998.  So that's what all those cranes have been doing.  Crazy.  Check out the photos (with fun scrolling option) here.

I love these.  Nightmares Fear Factory is a haunted house attraction in Niagara Falls, & their website features photos of their visitors being scared.  They are hilarious.  Buzzfeed has just posted a collection of "bros" being scared here, & I highly recommend it.

So, a guy fell from space yesterday.  That's pretty cool.  After free falling 128,097', Felix Baumgartner said, “Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble. It’s not about breaking records anymore. It’s not about getting scientific data. It’s all about coming home.”  Read more here.


I would wear them.  Read more here.

Those were my favourite sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!