Thursday, October 25, 2012

Survivor: Philippines - Oh My Lanta - 25.6

Dawson was voted out (& dragged off of Probst) at the last Tribal Council, & Red vows never to lose again.  Katie thinks Penner has the idol & Denise is like "no duh".  Katie is intent on making it to the merge, & wants Penner gone to increase those chances.

We find out that at Yellow, Mike has been eating the supply of rice.  Dry.  This doesn't make much sense because the wonderful thing about rice is that it expands so much that a handful could feed the whole tribe.  But Mike is popping dinner-sized portions of dry rice in his mouth by the handful.  I know that birds exploding from eating the rice thrown at weddings is a myth, but since it's Skupin doing the eating...let's just say it's not out of the realm of possibility for him to just explode one day.  He should take it easy.

Pete says Mike is useless & mocks his theory that the rice will cook in his stomach because it's almost 100° in there.  Artis can't stand Mike & views him as expendable, now that they have the mighty Malcolm on their tribe.

At the Reward Challenge, Malcolm is probably shaking from the cold, but I like to think he's doing an inner happy dance & finger wiggle when he sees that Denise wasn't voted out of Red.  The Challenge is basically mud soccer, but the ball is enormous & it's 3 against 3.  First tribe to score 3 goals wins a picnic feast in a dry hut.  First up is Penner, Carter & Denise vs Mike, Pete & Lisa.   There are tackles, gropes & pushes, but eventually everyone is just hanging on, not going anywhere.  Penner says he & Skupin have the endurance to wait it out.  Skupin: "This is heaven."  Penner: (face down in the mud with Skupin sitting on him) "It's something."  If the ball had not been a sphere of handles, & instead had a smooth surface, the ball might have gone somewhere.

After more than an hour of waiting it out, negotiations begin.  Mike says he would give Red the reward if Yellow could take the rest of Red's rice.  Penner thinks it's a good deal because they have fishing supplies &, again, clams the size of Carter's head.  I'm surprised nobody asks exactly how much rice Red has...what if they were down to nothing, too?  It's Artis' birthday, so what do you think, Artis?  "You don't want to hear what I have to say about it."  Artis came here to win & doesn't want to give up anything.  Everyone gets a chance to weigh in & they all just kind of say they're good with whatever Penner & Skupin decide.  The deal is made & Red's rice will be delivered to the Yellow camp, & Red heads off to their reward.

Red gets to the dry hut where the feast is waiting & Katie actually exclaims "Oh my lanta", which makes me like her more.

Red digs in to sandwiches, potato chips, & brownies...Katie takes a slow, seductive bite of the brownie, but she doesn't enjoy it quite as much as Kaylee enjoyed her strawberry in Firefly.


Penner discovers letters on a table, & they are surprised with letters from home.  Everyone is crying, including me, & now they feel better about giving up their rice.

And they shouldn't, really, because it turns out that Red didn't have much more rice than Yellow had.  Artis is upset that Mike made the decision for the tribe.  I get that there's a fine line between fighting for what's best for the tribe & pissing people off, but you can't whine about it after the fact.  Get over it, move on.  Abi is also pissed: "Kalabaw used psychology & it worked."

At Red, it's a beautiful day for fishing (if your name is Ozzy).  Penner catches 2 small fish, but is otherwise unsuccessful.  Carter complains about this, but all of Carter's attempts to actually do something about this must have been edited out.

At the Immunity Challenge, balls will be launched in the air, to be caught with giant lacrosse sticks.  It doesn't matter whose ball you catch - each ball is 1 point.  Denise & Lisa are the launchers & Malcolm does extremely well, & Jeff is great at catching balls.  Huh.  Second best Probst line of the night: "Katie completely ineffective in this challenge."  But she's loyal, Probst!  Doesn't that count for anything anymore?  Malcolm wins it for Yellow & RC jumps on him in celebration...get it, girl.

Back at the Red camp, the defeated tribe is hungry & over the emotions of their letters from home.  Denise is going to Tribal yet again, but at least everyone still wants her around.  Jeff is frustrated & even though he's aligned with Penner, he's on the fence about him.  And I thought a five-fingered handshake meant something to Jeff Kent!

Jeff & Carter discuss the ways in which Katie is worthless (turns out it's all of the ways), & Jeff says the real question is whether or not they want to go into the merge with Penner.  Carter says he really wants Katie gone, but he'll vote Penner if that's what's happening.  And I thought a clam alliance meant something to Carter & his clam-sized head!

Jeff declares that they need to pull a "Penner Punch", which is a thing he just made up, similar to the Four-Finger Handshake.  He tells Carter that as long as Penner doesn't know it's coming, he won't play the idol.  It's as simple as that.

Penner comes over & Carter says (verbatim - I am not making any of this up) "Penner, what do you want to do?  Katie or Penner?  I mean...Katie or...Denise?"

Penner doesn't seem fazed by this - I imagine Carter misspeaks much of the time.  You probably need to inject him with adrenaline before his musings become clear.

Jeff asks Katie if she would vote Penner & she is, like, SO down with that idea.  "Get him the fuck out of here."  Woah...that's the most I've seen Katie contribute to anything.  I don't think she's used to being around someone whose eyes are prettier than hers.

Imagine what she's saying through those clenched teeth!

All of this voting talk has Carter admitting he's confused, surprising no one.  Jeff compares Tribal Council to stepping up to the plate & you don't know if you're going to hit a home run or strike out, but you're swinging the bat anyway.  So, Survivor is just like baseball!

At Spring Training Tribal Council, Denise & Katie are the only ones who admit they're worried about going home.  Katie says "Yeah, I suck at everything, but I'm loyal!"  Probst asks Penner how he's not concerned, & Penner says "One does not even want to volunteer oneself to give anyone else the notion that, 'Huh...maybe I should vote for Penner.'  Whether I think I'm vulnerable or not, I want to give the impression that I feel pretty confident here."

One is so well-spoken, one is like motherf&@%ing Shakespeare.

Jeff says every vote is getting harder because they all like each other.  "There's not gonna be a vote that's not gonna be a blindside."  And now, Probst's best line of the night: "Jeff, you play any games that are similar to Survivor, in terms of strategy?"  Uh, no.  "Are you sure?  Anything where you had to catch a ball in a field?"  Nope.  In fact, let me change the subject - "This game sucks, Jeff."

It sucks in the greatest way possible, or you want to leave?  Cuz we can do that.

Time to vote & Penner does not play his idol.  The first vote is for Katie, the second for Penner & he looks both worried & amused.  Oh my lanta - the rest of the votes are for Katie, & in her closing statement, she says she's just really, really happy to be able to say she was on Survivor.  Ugh.

*Next week's recap will also be on the short side (for me) - tonight is the Opening Night for a production of Fiddler on The Roof in which I play Tzeitel!  It's kind of nuts that I'm still writing these recaps at all with so much going on, so whatever I write, you'll take, right?  Of course right.  If you're in the Toronto area, please come & see me at The Toronto Centre for the Arts - there are still some tickets available for the weekdays, & I'm thrilled to be a part of this show.  Come watch me say the line "After all, Mama, I'm not yet twenty years old." without laughing. 

I had to take a duck face photo - 1905 Russia REPRESENT.

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