Regretfully, I cannot give that title to Brandon - last year in my Survivor: One World recaps, I proclaimed Kat the Honey Badger of Survivor. Since there are a WHOLE BUNCH of other memes that suit Survivor better, I thought it would be fun to do an all-meme Survivor recap - it's no LEGO Survivor recap, but we'll see how it goes, & I promise next week will be back to the usual screencaps. If anything, I will have taught my Mother what a meme is, or what we know it as today - did you know that the term was coined by Richard Dawkins in reference to evolution & gene theories? See, we've all learned something already.
|Imminent Ned has warned you.|
The Faves return to camp after having voted out Francesca. I don't say this often, but I agree with Brandon - it was pretty cruel. I agree with his feelings about the vote, but I think he's actually more upset that he wasn't in on this decision. He's just using Francesca as the jumping point for his Dawn-directed diatribe. A reasonable person would keep their mouth shut, find out where the numbers are, and play along. Brandon makes Dawn cry.
Let me go on a tangent for a second & share something with you: I have a superpower. Maybe it's from the mutant gene that gives me my red hair, maybe it's from drinking too much coffee, but here it is: I am hyper-emotional. Not moody, not temperamental, & not irrational. It's simply this: if you are feeling feelz, I have the ability to absorb that feeling & then multiply it by 100. If Rogue could do her thing through a TV screen, minus the benefit of actually relieving anyone of anything, that's me. So, unlike most superpowers, it's only a curse. When I played Tzeitel in Fiddler on the Roof last fall, crying on the spot every night was easy - the challenge was stopping. Charlie on American Idol this season? My heart swells just linking to that awkward Freddie Mercury-sounding cutie. Don't even mention Parenthood, which has a cry/minute ratio of 42:42. So, watching Dawn cry because Brandon was mean? First World Problems Lady couldn't handle it either.
I get you now, Dawn. Maybe we're more alike than I thought. We both have a Kai. I have super-cute retro swimsuit, too. You make bread, & I make the best bruschetta ever. I don't want to make you cry, because seeing that was awful.
Brandon is pissed & vows to go Russell Hantz on everyone. Does this a Honey Badger make? Hardly, because Honey Badger don't care. Brandon's more like Disaster Girl.
The Fans are all working around their camp, all except for Shamar. The Most Interesting Man In The World knows how he feels.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about Shamar is the smug smile in his confessional, sharing his "clever" plan to do nothing. Condescending Wonka sees a flaw in that.
There is someone who sees value in Shamar, however. Sherri handles him deftly & tells him that her Not-Cool-Kid alliance with Laura, Julia, Michael & Matt would be happy to add him. She tells him to keep running his mouth & do what he's been doing...or not doing. She'll have his back, but secretively. Shamar is absolutely gleeful, suddenly all hugs & "I love you!" & kind of like Overly Attached Girlfriend.
Sherri knows she has a goat in Shamar, calling him her "Phillip". "I get along with my Phil...I can stroke him, & I can put him back in place." Well, now. Looks like we know why Shamar is so overly attached.
On our way to the Faves' camp, Full House Music is playing, so we know somebody is learning a lesson. Cochran & Brandon are having a heart-to-heart. Cochran suggests the tribe needs some cohesion to be successful. Brandon says, Yeah, I've thought about it, & I guess I won't start the shit I was gonna start. Cochran is all Say what now? Brandon has decided he will be a better man if he's just nice.
|Oh, Philosoraptor. Always asking the tough questions.|
Cochran is concerned, as Brandon frequently has episodes of rage "followed by unbelievable pleasantness. The sort of behaviour befitting a murderer who is kind of sociopathic." Good Intentions Axe Murderer, maybe.
Brandon asks Phillip, How come you didn't tell me about the Francesca vote? Phillip is taking this Specialist role WAY too seriously, & accesses the Top Secret files in his brain & computes that Brandon just isn't ready. "When I go - Hmm - trust or not trust fully - don't have enough data yet - I think I'm going to pause. I'm paused with you." He continues through the blank stares to give a workplace analogy. Does this a Honey Badger make? Not quite.
|Made you wait longer for Grumpy Cat than you thought, right?|
Phillip knows he is dealing with a certain kind of person in Brandon, but can't find the right word to describe him. Sadly, he looks to Drunk Baby for help.
Personally, I am more concerned that Brandon's mood swings may be a direct result of an infection from the twig that somehow impaled his left earlobe when we weren't looking. A possibly feverish Brandon gets the best line of the show, calling Phillip "Special Agent Pink Panther or friggin' Inspector Gadget".
Off to the Immunity Challenge which involves pulling tribemates on a raft, releasing rings from an underwater cage, pulling those tribemates back, & that thrilling challenge closer, a ring toss.
The Favourites are doing well, taking turns under the water, moving at a steady pace. The Fans leave almost all of the diving up to Sherri, & that method is slowing them down. Malcolm steps up to compete in the final leg, & once again, Reynold is catching up to him.
Alas, Malcolm's hair is tied back for this challenge, & the responsibility falls to Phillip. He wins it for The Faves, prompting a Braveheart-esque cry from Malcolm: "The Specialist!"
The Fans, being so close to a win, were...not impressed.
We're back with The Faves, who did not win the challenge. The only reason we're back is for a bit of screen-filling nonsense: Phillip is introducing the members of Stealth R Us & their nicknames, & it's all cute & pointless at the same time (of course, I'm basing a blog around memes, so...). It's enough to raise the suspicions of Conspiracy Keanu.
Elsewhere, the Fans are dealing with their first Immunity loss, discussing what went wrong in the challenge. Reynold publicly calls out Shamar for his unacceptable behaviour, & Shamar takes it all in stride & appreciates the constructive criticism & will try to be a better team player. Just kidding.
Reynold's Shamar-impersonation-dance was a highlight of that confrontation. Like everyone else whose name doesn't begin with "Sh", Allie cannot stand Shamar. "I never understood why people would throw a challenge until I lived with him for 5 days." Shamar will not let Reynold off the hook easily.
Seriously, though, I don't know if I've ever heard "shut up" spoken with such anger & rage. Can you imagine if Dawn was on this tribe? Yikes.
Matt is weighing his options, & there's advantages to be seen on both sides: vote with the Cool Kids & get rid of Shamar, or vote with the Not Cool Kids, & take out Allie. Matt presents Sherri & Michael with a solid plan: get Shamar out now, which will earn him trust from the Cool Kids, all the while really working with the Not Cool Kids.
|Bad Joke Eel, that's not even a *good* bad joke. You should be ashamed.|
It's too bad Matt doesn't know about Sherri's plan to keep Shamar in her back pocket. Laura says she'd rather vote out Allie, the biggest strategic threat out of the 4 pretty people. However, it's Reynold who is out searching for a Hidden Immunity Idol. Well, "searching" may be too much of an overstatement. Success Kid knows what's up.
Laura notices the bulge in Reynold's pants, but on the way to Tribal, there's not enough time to tell anybody. She's worried that Reynold may hand it to Allie to play, but I don't think anybody would give up an idol at this point in the game. It's their first Tribal Council! The only person who would do that is Bad Luck Brian.
At Tribal Council, Laura pipes up about the bulge she is assuming is an idol. I can guess she's going to get some flack for this, but honestly - it's your first Tribal Council, you see something that could shake up your game, there's no time to tell anyone about it, or try to leverage the knowledge with the idol-holder, & did I mention that it's your first Tribal Council - she's in a tricky situation. Reynold confirms that he has the idol, shows it off, & says he's just going to play it to get rid of it. And then doesn't play it. Hipster Barista thought that was cool. Last season.
Time to vote, votes are read, & before you know it,
So, do you hate memes even more now? Yes, I turned my own cat, Yoda, into a lolcat & she will never forgive me. Usual recap next week, I promise. Don't forget to "Like" this blog on Facebook - this weekend I'll be posting an album of rejected memes for this recap. Because you need