Thursday, February 23, 2012

Survivor One World: 24.2 Managing The Airheads

The girls of Salami returned to camp after their catty Tribal Council, minus only the injured Kourtney, who was forced to exit the game due to her injury, & did I say only, because this is a tragedy, & somewhere in the universe the last unicorn has died.  So I hope you're happy, taut rope net.

If only there had been a prayer circle this year.

Christina & Alicia clear the air with each other: apologies are accepted, all is forgiven, & Alicia is so cool with Christina that she wants to take her swimming with sharks & make sure she has the best view of them, or something like that.

All the girls have a chat about the mess that was Tribal Council, & Sabrina lays down Rule #1: Everyone has a right to be heard.  The tribe agrees, & they immediately begin exercising that right until Sabrina quiets them down.  Sabrina is declared leader of the tribe, as she is sensible & calm, & also, she brought business cards with her to the island.

Sabrina's first order of business is to assign delegates to water, food & shelter.  Monica will handle the water, as she prefers full & supple canteens.  Alicia & Kat Bieber will search for food.
Sabrina: "If you go, survey the land first.  Make markers of exactly where you went..."
Kat: "...I don't want to observe the land, I want to go get stuff..."
Later, Kat leads Alicia on a banana hunting expedition, & they end up here, naturally:

Tree Mail brings a Do-It-Yourself Reward Challenge, which can only mean that Jeff is having a dimple crisis, & had to have one sutured back up.  Bill, who we barely saw on the premiere, now reads the instructions in a strange British accent which I'm sure he now regrets.  Basically, the first tribe to untie a ton of ropes from a ring wins a tarp.  Michael sits out, yet for some reason, it is Colton who plays Probst.  

Colton: "Survivors ready?"  Tarzan makes a "jazz fingers" comment, & Jay shakes his head at him, like, "Old dude, we know.  He's super gay.  Don't cross the line with your jazz fingers comment."  And I agree.  Colton is not Kurt Hummel, ok?  No show choirs or toe touch jumps from Colton...yet.

They all get to work on the ropes, & there is a crazy amount of boob shots.  Either there's a new boob cam, or way more bra tops this season, but there are a lot of boobs.

This would NOT have been a better season for Brandon.

Everyone is still working on the ropes, & without Probst there, I have no idea who is falling behind, who has a huge lead, or who needs to pick up the pace.  I actually can't tell what's happening until the men win...but I am in no way on the edge of my seat.  Even with all the boobs & abs, they are still a group of people untying knots to get a tarp.

The boys are inspired by their shiny new tarp to improve the Menudo camp.  There is scraping, chopping, sweeping, weaving, heavy lifting, coconut piercing, & through some of this, Colton is swinging.  Someone took the time to build a swing?  Was it a sex swing left behind by Whitney & Keith?

Jonas asks, "What is he thinking?"  I, too, would like to ask this question of Colton.  I understand that his original strategy depended on women, but when he learned how the tribes would be divided, he needed to shift his strategy.  Instead, he has been clinging to it, spending far too much time with the women, even helping them build their shelter when it appeared he didn't even help his own tribe.  And this is where the twist of One World comes into play.  If Menudo & Salami were as separate as tribes have been in the past, Colton would have had no choice but to find his place in his own tribe.  Sabrina, Queen of Salami, suggests Colton should try to bond with the guys.  I agree - if Colton feels he needs girls to make a big move, he should focus on sticking around to the merge.

Jonas speculates on Colton's close relationship with Salami, & once again, Russell Hantz is mentioned during a season he's not a part of.  "He's making Russell look like a freaking little schoolgirl."  Colton says "I have nothing in common with the guys...going over to the girls is kind of...a release for me because it's like, god, at least I have people I can relate to & talk to & you know, find common ground with."  So he doesn't talk to any straight males in his everyday life?  Come on, Colton, you're killing me!

The girls have also grown tired of the novelty of having a pet Menudo.  Queen Sabrina calls for a State of Emergency in her Salami Kingdom.  "Colton is like a virus". 

Why you gotta be so mean?

Back at Menudo, Tarzan goes tribal & full on pelvic-thrusty, & this may be worse than Special Agent Phillip Sheppard in his raggedy, loose undies.

Colton decides to share the news of his Hidden Immunity Idol with Leif, Jonas, & both Tar & Troy of the Zans.  In other words, he tells everyone about it, except for the fAB4 alliance of Matt, Jay, Michael & Bill.  Jonas: "Colton went from [being] the first guy to get voted out, now to the ringleader."

At the Immunity Challenge, Probst is present, though wearing a green shirt.  I now admit I was wrong in thinking there was a dimple emergency earlier...clearly it was just laundry day.  The contestants have to line up side by side on a balance beam over water.  1 person at a time must get to the opposite end, moving around the tribe members.  Oh, & no one can touch more than 1 person at a time.

The boys figure it out pretty quickly & move at a steady pace.  Kat has trouble on her first try around Monica.  "She's got these big old boobs I can't get past."  And by old, I'm sure she meant new.  Monica suggests a strategy & no one listens.  Lots of the girls fall in the water, some (Kat) more than a few times, & some (Kat) jump in twice when they don't even have to.

The men win, & celebrate by jumping into the very different ways.  Some take giant leaps, while whooping & cheering, sure.  Others cannonball.  Only Colton thinks of presentation.

8               8               9
One of the men finds a little person standing in the way of the water.  What's a guy to do?  Wait?  Jump off from somewhere else?  "Yeah, right, & postpone the celebration?  Watch & learn", says Douchey McTool.

Back at camp, Salami agrees Kat was a spectacular failure, & the reason they lost the challenge.  Nina mentions this to Chelsea, hoping their alliance will see the light...blond hair.  "You can't outwit if you're witless."

At Tribal Council, Nina defends herself & puts Kat on the spot.  "I'd like to know what life experience Kat brings to this group?"  Kat Bieber says "Yo, I am outdoors right now.  Also, I do crazy sales.  I know people, too...."  Kat's swagger falters when she admits blame for the loss, & Probst seizes the moment to pounce.  "What's upsetting?"  Kat:  "Failing.  I never fail."  Probst: "You've never failed at anything in life?"

That petty theft arrest 2 years ago?  I meant that.

Kat deflects from herself & implies that Christina isn't there to play the game, & I'm like Yes! Another Christina Cha smackdown!  But Christina has felt the remnants of the Coach-Chi on the Upolu beach, & Christina just wants to move on.  Nary an eye-roll!  Boo.

Nina gets voted out.  The alliance supports Kat Bieber like they're her backup dancers.  I am fine with that, as long as they add one more member.

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