Thursday, March 01, 2012

Survivor One World: 24.3 Massive Ass Storm with Reach Around

The Salami tribe returns to camp after a tribal council that saw Nina leave, & Probst again telling the girls to get it together.  Colton & Jonas surprise Chelsea & Kim in the dark with the comforting words, "There's a massive ass storm coming in."  The Menudo tribe offers to share their tarp-covered shelter with the girls (this may be the ass storm they have foreseen).  The girls decide to tough it out, & not go crawling to the guys.  The next morning, the girls are frozen & soaked.  I've said it before, but it bears repeating: If you were going to be on Survivor, competing for $1 million, wouldn't you learn how to make fire?  Wouldn't you study up on building shelters?  I would also learn to swim & make alcohol out of palms so I wouldn't be a social wallflower, but that's just me.

Troyzan tells the girls they can warm up by Menudo's fire & now Kim "has no shame".  They walk across the camp line & into the Menudo shelter, which is dry & warm & heaven to them.

It's amazing what a tarp can do.

Matt returns from crab-hunting to find someone has been "Sitting on our beds, you know, soaking wet, you know, sitting by our fire."

Douchey McTool is most upset that the girls have not given their first & last month's deposit, as stated on the Rental Agreement.  What's that?  Nobody drew up a Rental Agreement?  Augh!  This is a Matthew McConaughey southern lawyer movie waiting to happen!  But what to call it....

The Reward Challenge is a memory task to win a canoe & fishing supplies.  Players have to recreate the order of objects that are behind a curtain.  The curtain is raised to study the order, & when a player is ready, they close the curtain, which would suck for the opponent, if they're not ready.  A clever addition to a challenge like this.

Alright, alright, alright.

The women win 3 in a row, & then it's Kat Bieber's turn.  Her opponent, Troyzan, closes the curtain as soon as it opens, & I don't know if it's strategy to throw Kat off, or if he has an eidetic memory (nope).  They end up re-doing this challenge 7 times to the same down-home chicken-catching music we heard in the premiere, when they were, you know, catching chickens.  Finally Kat wins this match, followed by a win from Christina, & now the women have finally won a challenge.

Is that a feather or a lure in her hair? (we know there's allure in her chest)

Salami is in good spirits with a shiny new boat & fishing supplies & they set to work restarting their fire & preparing their shelter for more rain.  The fire won't catch, so the girls decide to ask Menudo for help.  Monica says "All of our coconuts are wet."

Wet t-shirt contest. bro!

The girls ask for an ember, & Jay suggests the men could take the canoe out in return.  Monica can't make that decision without the girls & Jay looks annoyed, but still very, very beautiful.

Hey girl, don't you want to see me paddle a canoe?

Despite the men stealing from the women literally in the first minute of the game, this is not an unreasonable suggestion.  After the fair trade of fire for woven palms, Menudo offered to shelter the women during the massive ass storm, & they have let the women warm up several times now.  If they were not sharing a beach, Salami would have to fend for themselves, so why not make deals while you can?

Colton says "Some of the guys are like, 'We gotta stop giving them stuff & not getting anything in return', which I do agree with.  Like, I love some of those girls, but if they aren't gonna give me anything, I'm sorry - I am a Republican, I am not a Democrat.  I do not believe in handouts*."

*Menudo Hidden Immunity Idols excluded

Chelsea has zombie hands because of all the water & she & Alicia head to the luxury shelter at Menudo to warm up for 5 minutes.  Chelsea mentions the boat, & Jay says, "We plan on taking it out one day, soon."  Alicia says "I don't know", & then looks directly into the camera, the first time I can remember a player doing that.

Jay counters with "Didn't you all just walk away with fire a while ago?  Aren't you standing here right now?"  Alicia gets defensive & the girls leave to talk to the rest of their tribe.  Douchey McTool says "They come across as very spoiled. 'Where's my stuff?  Where's my fire?'"*

*any resemblance to Matt Quinlan's "Where's my chicken?" in the premiere episode is purely coincidental.

Chelsea breaks down for a moment, & Kat says, "We're girls.  We're just not meant to be beaten down..."  Oh, Kat.  Eager to prove to Kat that girls can do anything boys can do, the girls try out their fishing equipment & canoe, & come back with 3 fish.  Girl power!

Probst is wearing a black shirt at the Immunity Challenge & it is clear that with one comment last season, Cochran has changed Survivor forever.  This is one of my favourite kinds of challenges: the blindfolded people led by 1 person screaming directions at them.

The callers are leading their blindfolded tribemates, in pairs, to a water tower where they will pull a rope, releasing coloured water, & puzzle pieces.  When all puzzle pieces have been retrieved, the caller then solves the puzzle.  Let the splashing commence.

This challenge brought to you by You Can't Do That on Television.

 Menudo has a huge lead, possibly due to the men's urgency every time Bill screams "REACH AROUND!"  Bill starts on the puzzle when the girls are still short 3 bags.  Jeff reminds us this is a "huge advantage for the men, time-wise".

A very cool puzzle.

Sabrina starts on the puzzle, & somehow whizzes past Bill to win the women their first Immunity.  Sabrina rushes off to add President of Puzzles to her Business Cards.

Douchey McTool cannot believe that Salami won.  "My mind was just blown....but now that we've lost this challenge, I'm looking forward to doing this.  I mean, I've spent 8 days out here kind of creating some power & I want to use it.  I wanna execute some of it tonight, that's what's gonna happen."  I have complete faith in Matt & his alliance of 4 in a 9 person tribe.

Back at camp, Colton is annoyed by Bill's "bro"s & "dude"s & Colton wants him to kill himself.  With an unfortunate choice of words, Colton says, "You're ghetto trash.  That's all you are."

The alliance of 5 led by Colton is discussing the upcoming vote, & Jay walks up.  Tarzan spills everything to Jay, asking if he'd like to vote Bill or Matt with them.  Jay realizes the numbers are right here, so agrees to join them.  Enter Douchey McTool, who asks what's up.  

Tarzan: "We're talking strategy.  Obviously, right?"
Matt: "Is my presence destroying the strategy talk?"
Colton: "No..."
Tarzan: "Yes it is, at the moment."

Tarzan is Brandon minus the fear of lady part temptation.

Matt pulls Troyzan aside to talk, & yes, I feel stupid each time I type "Troyzan".  Matt calls his alliance "The Muscle" or "The Roosters", & the other guys "The Average Joes" & OMG I hate this guy so much.  When the pitch is done, Troyzan says, "Matt, basically, is a jerk.  He calls the strongest guys "the roosters", & the whole time I'm agreeing with him, but in my head, I'm like, I'm never gonna be with you.  It ain't Survivor unless you're lying."   I may hate typing his name, but dammit, I am so happy someone embraces lying in this game & isn't concerned with honesty & integrity.


At Tribal Council, Colton tells Probst he's not worried because he has an idol.  Usually I hate when people divulge this info, but it's useful here, throwing off the voting plans of "The Roosters".  With Christina Cha not present at the Tribal Council, someone has to lay down a smackdown, & it's gonna be Probst.
Probst: "So Colton, you've been spending a lot of time with the women."
Colton: "Well, yeah....that shouldn't be a shock."
Probst: "Wait a second, why shouldn't that be a shock? You are on the men's tribe."
Colton: "Well, all my friends back home are girls..."
Probst: "But. you're. not. on. their. tribe.  You don't compete with them, you don't go to Tribal Council, so you look at me & say 'duh' actually is a reverse duh, double dare on you!"

Bill comments on the Colton situation.  "As much as he assumed we spot-on judged him, he spot-on judged us & assumed that we wouldn't take him in."  Bill's tone completely changes later in Tribal Council when Probst asks if he's concerned about the vote.  Bill is jumpy, his eyes are wild, & his level of enthusiasm for Tribal Council is crazy.  It's like Cochran on mushrooms.
Bill: "You know, it's all fun & games until you're right here, right now, I mean, like, this is intense man, this is emotion right here, you know what I mean?  Like, we are sitting here, nobody knows who's gonna go home, I'm on the edge of my seat to see what happens, I'm SO jacked up right now.  I might go home, I might not, but I am so happy I got to play this game, man, like this is real intense, & there's nothing else like it here."

Everyone votes, & Matt the Rooster becomes a Capon.  There are a few unexplained votes in there - Bill votes for Matt, & Mike votes for Bill.  But who cares - so long, Douchey McTool!  Good luck selling that screenplay to Matthew McConaughey!

The chicken was rightfully his.  She trespassed.  He became...Enemy #1

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