Thursday, March 22, 2012

Survivor One World: 24.4 & 5: Awfulness & Idol-Crotch.

Before I begin writing my recap of last night's Survivor, I do apologize for not recapping these past 2 episodes on time.  I was on vacation, & couldn't find the time once I returned, but it is nice to know I was missed, so thank you for the comments & messages regarding my absence!

So what did we learn from the past 2 episodes?  Firstly, that my  precap based solely on press photos available before airtime was not as accurate as I had hoped.  What a show that would have been!  

The women would not let the men use their fishing nets.  "Srsly, come on dudes.  All you've gifted us with is fire, warmth, you want to use our tool & give us half of what you catch with it?  How dare you.  Good day, sirs."

Leif accidentally told Bill his name had come up in previous talks & what happened next does not need to be exaggerated.  Leif was summoned to Royal Court where he faced charges of Treason, & Colton gave him a chance for mercy.  It was completely ridiculous.  Colton also referred to Leif as both a Munchkin & an OomplaLoompa.  That cuddly, candy-coloured Colton from the first episode has been revealed on-camera to be a manipulative, horrible person.  Just awful.

At the challenge, Salami lost Immunity because Alicia, who earlier said she was a puzzle master, couldn't solve a puzzle.  Even while looking at a completed version of the exact same puzzle.  So it looked like Alicia would be going home.

HOWEVER, back at the Menudo camp, Bill attempted to have a grown-up conversation with Colton, who behaved reprehensibly.  A spoiled 3 year old who did everything but plug his ears & sing "lalalalala".  Colton was enraged by Bill & his discussion seeking, & convinced the Menudo tribe to give up their Immunity so they can go to Tribal Council instead.  The entire tribe agrees to do this.  Kat wonders if the boys have lost their minds.  KAT.

When the wrong tribe walks into Tribal Council, Probst had the look one would expect to see on his face:  shock, with a hint of producer-sparkle in his eyes that screamed "AwesomeAwesomeAwesome!"


Bill's chosen profession is something so ludicrous to Colton that he uses air-quotes to say "Stand-up Comic".  Colton chokes down his vomit & instructs Bill to "get a real job."  Bill remains polite & understanding of Colton's head-up-his-ass-edness, based on the differences in their up-bringing.  Colton assures us he has African-American people in his life.  Who?  "Our housekeeper," he giggles, because he can't remember her name.  Add this offensive behaviour to Colton's "ghetto trash" comment from episode 3, & I'm left with a very bad taste in my mouth.  How Bill kept calm I will never understand.  I can't even handle the "gingers have no souls" jokes.

Ah, if only the tribe had decided to blindside Colton at his own orchestrated Tribal Council.  Instead, Bill goes out with more class than Colton deserves.  "One day Colton will be put into a situation where he can't just not like somebody because they're not people that he's used to or that he's grown up with.  He judged me because of my differences, & I accept him because of his."

Who needs decent human beings on Survivor, anyway?

Episode 5 was not as bum-puzzling.  We all know that the original Menudo had rotating members.  Maybe a voice changed.  Maybe the cuteness faded.  Maybe the world needed to meet Ricky Martin.

Fact: Spartan pirates did indeed live la vida loca.

Buffs were dropped, & new tribes were assigned randomly.  Colton dubbed them "Greek gods vs peasants."  After episode 4, I hate to agree with Colton on any level, but every Salami member has been physically dominant: Mike, Jay, Tarzan, Sabrina, Chelsea, Kat & Kim.  Menudo is now made up of Colton, Tarzan, Jonas, Leif, Christina, Alicia & Monica.

Alas, no denim buffs.

The new Menudo loses the Reward Challenge & on top of not receiving coffee, they have to build a new camp, away from Salami.  It is Survivor: One World no longer.  At least for this episode.

The New Salami is excelling, catching crabs & roasting a rooster. (R.I.P. Matt)  They are well fed, & win Immunity.  Kim shares some interesting information with Chelsea: "I just found the Hidden Immunity Idol & it's in my crotch."

Menudo goes to Tribal Council.  Despite Colton remaining an awful person, & a complete demonstration of Tarzan's specialness, everyone votes out the strong, hard-working woman who managed to look flawless without any makeup on.  Monica, I shall remember your cheekbones by firelight forever, fair maiden.

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