Thursday, April 19, 2012

Survivor One World: 24.10 Troyzan vs Everyone Else

Last week, pretty, pretty Jay left our television screens, becoming the third jury member.  Don't fret: we have the Ponderosa webisodes to tide us over until Tribal Council every week.  As always, Americans are able to watch the videos at, & the rest of us can watch them at the bottom of this recap. 

Troyzan returns to the Keanu camp disappointed that no one listened to his proposition to vote Kim out.  He singles out Christina, asking if she ever even considered it, & Alicia (Alicia!) steps in to back Christina up.  "Don't attack her!"  Troyzan erupts at this.  "I'm not attacking her - I'm just asking her a question...I can ask her a question, you're not her mother."  This is the first of several, um, spats, between Troyzan & the others.  "When I get pissed off, I get fired I'm gonna win every damn Immunity.  I could give a crap about those people.  This is no team anymore.  I'm no team player.  This is Troyzan vs everyone else."

I'm not really sure why the other men, at the very least, are not with Troyzan.  It is now obvious to everyone that the women are picking off the men, so why isn't it a core of 3 men trying to switch Christina & Alicia, & not just Troyzan?  The men's votes have been all over the place since voting Jonas off, but now there's not even the excuse of being ignorant to the women's plans.  So frustrating.

Troyzan tries another route with Chelsea, saying he deserves to be in the game much longer than, like, 3 or 4 other people he would name right now if Arzantay asn'tway andingstay ightray erethey.

Chelsea wants Troyzan to just suck it up & take it like a man.  Hey, Jonas took it like a man, & we voted him out after he made us POTATO CHIPS OUT OF COCONUTS.  Yeah, but the difference there is that Jonas was voted out & went to fill his belly with amazing food & beer & had deodorant & razors.  How could anyone stay mad?  So, not the same as knowing that you're next because your New Salami tribe is now blatant in their betrayal.  That would be infuriating, & would make one want to kick up a fuss.  We can't all speak like we're in a constant state of relaxation, Chelsea.

Troyzan says, "These girls are kind of acting like what a lot of women act like in real life.  They get their house, they get their food, they get all their stuff, then as soon as they feel satisfied, they go, 'oh, guess what we don't need anymore?'...& they're done with the guy."

Who hurt you, Troyzan?

Troyzan collects Tree Mail which comes with cash-filled envelopes for everybody.  It's auction time!  Everyone is excited to have $500 in 20s to spend on food, but Troyzan has other ideas.  "If Jeff says 'here's a note that can help you get further in the game', I'm buying that.  I'm spending $500, & that's all I got."

At the auction, Christina is wearing Alicia's dress, Probst is in a black shirt, & I'm afraid to look at Tarzan for fear of Monica's red shirt being stretched again beyond recognition.  

Now, everyone knows that Survivor auctions don't last forever.  There isn't a 1-item-for-everyone rule.  So if you see something & you really want it, $500 should be your bid.  No point in going back & forth - if you miss out, you may wind up with nothing.  Very seldom does someone buy more than 1 item, & it's even more rare for someone to want to save the money for use outside of the game.  That's just crazy.  Crazy.

The first item for auction is a plate of 3 doughnuts & an iced coffee.  Kim bets $100 & Kat says "What?!?" Chelsea wins it for $160, & Kat is bewildered at how much doughnut prices have gone up since she's been out there.

Next item is chips, guacamole & a margarita.  Kat goes back & forth with Sabrina, but won't go past $400, so it's Sabrina's.

A protein shake is up next & Kat wants that, too.  She lets Leif have it for $100 & he "Mmm mmm mmm"s his way back to his seat, which annoys the girls.

Wait until the bubble-blowing & slurping starts.

Next up is a shower, with shampoo & a toothbrush.  Alicia bids 20.  Kat then puts a bid in.

"20.  I mean, 15. Can I bid 30?"
While Kat is struggling to rip a $20 in half, Kim bids $40 & wins it.  Kat just wants to win something, damnit!

Probst brings out a BLT, chips & an iced tea.  Kat buys it for $180 & then is super stoked to discover that there's bacon on her Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich.  Is everyone else loving Kat as much as I am? 

Probst reveals a bowl of chocolate bars dipped in a huge bowl of peanut butter & says "I anticipate a bidding war", but really means "I hope Survivor chicks continue to get naked for chocolate & peanut butter."

Alicia says this is the one thing she wanted, but she stepped out of the Immunity Challenge last week for a bowl of candy & chocolate, so how much of a sweet tooth does she really have?  Plus, she admitted in a deleted scene that she wouldn't have stepped down if she had known what the food was - she thought they had moved on to, say, million dollar chicken wings.  So basically, I'm confused.  She lets this go to Kim (who is bidding from the shower) for $240, & once again Probst hands peanut butter over to a naked girl, although this time she's covered in a towel.  Alicia says there was no way she'd spend that much, & Probst reminds her that she was given this money to spend here.  Alicia isn't the only one who can't wrap her head around this concept, as Tarzan is planning to use his $500 to repair the shocks on his Jeep when he gets home.  I'm surprised at the implication that Tarzan isn't a successful plastic surgeon.

Probst brings out letters from home & before everyone can wipe the tears from their eyes, Alicia bids $500 & I actually like her for a second.  Kat is the only one not emotional, & it's soon clear why.  "Wait...someone even wrote me?"  Would someone please explain to Kat what is happening around her?  I feel bad that she's left out of her own life.

Alicia is ready to read her letter but not before Full House music starts playing.  Alicia reads the letter aloud.  "Deej, I'm sure you've noticed that your body is changing.  With great boobs comes great responsibility.  Wear clothes that fit & flatter, never flatten or squish.  Don't ever use a gold hoop to hold your girls in a chest pergatory: they will find a way out of their prison.  You have a buff, & now you're using it the way CBS intended: to stop the flood of complaints.  Kick some ass out there!  Love, Dad."

The girls let out an Annie & Shirley quality "Aw", & everyone, even Tarzan, is emotional.  Probst says that Alicia set the price at $500, so the letters are open to anyone who has that.  Tarzan says to hell with the Jeep, & tearfully collects his letter.  He opts to not share his letter, as he knows it's probably from someone who hates their plastic surgeon.

Probst sniffs a breakdown about to happen, & zeroes in on Troyzan.  "I feel completely alone.  After last night, I just feel...I'm alone.  And to know you have a letter there, maybe from my brother or my Dad, encouraging's good, but it's just the feeling of 'I'm gonna have to do everything on my own'." Probst gives a last chance to buy letters, but Troyzan & Christina, the only 2 with enough money, don't go for it.  We know what Troyzan is waiting Christina waiting for the same thing?

Next item is an advantage at the next Immunity Challenge.  Troyzan perks up, & I'm waiting for a yell of $500!  Troyzan bids $300.  What?!?  Christina also has $500, & while she seems sympathetic to Troyzan's plight, this is Survivor!  The girls all badger Christina to spend her money, & she bids $360.  Ok, so now Christina has given you a chance to bid it all & take it.  Now is the time to shut it down with $500, right?  Troyzan: "$380."

Christina then bids $400, Troyzan bids $420 & by pure luck, he wins it.  Ridiculous.  At that point, I wanted Christina to bid $500 & take it away from him.  You either take it seriously or you don't.  SO FRUSTRATING.*

*Update: Christina has since tweeted that she spent $80 at the auction on lasagna, but it was edited out. So now we know why she didn't outbid Troyzan, & why Troyzan didn't start the bidding at $500. Also, $80 for lasagna? SCORE. What we don't know is why that would be edited make Christina appear weak or stupid? To make Troyzan look stupid? Specifically to frustrate me? Anyway, back to the recap...

Troyzan goes triumphant silverback & slams his fist on Probst's table, & starts bickering with Sabrina.  Kat says "Yo, I got some money left, let's do this."  The next item stays covered & comes with a note.  Kat bids for this in escalating silly voices, with her mouth full.  She says "$160" like she's a "wasssssup" guy from the 90s.  She wins it, & when a glorious strawberry shortcake is revealed, almost everyone is Taylor Swifting.

 The note says it's for the whole tribe, but they only have 60 seconds to eat it.  Challenge accepted.

Kat's slo-mo cakewalk was the icing on top. You groan, but it's true.

Back at the Keanu camp, Troyzan learns his advantage will be advancing to the 2nd stage of the Immunity Challenge.  "These knuckleheads don't know what they've got themselves into."  Everyone's scrambling, searching for an Idol that may or may not be hidden, & Troyzan stuffs his pocket.  "I'm acting cocky because I can.  I got nothing left to lose."  Except for jury votes...

Also at camp:

The Art Department has added a human skull to their stock imagery.

Alicia's dress just brings out the boobs in everyone.

The Immunity Challenge is a 3-parter of previous challenges.  First round is untying rope.  Second round is that backyard classic of Coconut-Trampoline-Target-Smash.  Third round is Coconut-Slingshot-Connect-3, now with nifty graphics to help Kat grasp "diagonal".

Leif is now wearing blue face paint, & how/why this happened is completely edited out.  I bet Leif is really annoyed that the hilarious time had at camp leading up to this wasn't shown at all.  Or even referenced.  He just has face paint on for no reason, for millions of viewers.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time...

Troyzan sits out of the first round, & Tarzan is liposuctioning the hell out of those ropes.  He moves on, as do Kim & Christina.  They join Troyzan for the trampoline portion, & he is the first to break all 3 targets.  "This is my island!  You can't beat me!" he crows.

Rufio demands a crow-off.

Troyzan is crowing, & Kat (Kat!) says "You're not gonna get votes like that."  Tarzan moves on to an all-Zan final, but it's not very suspenseful, because this was one of the press photos released before the episode, of Survivors heading to Tribal Council:

So Troyzan wins Immunity, & continues his exuberant celebrating.  "Yes! Don't fuck with me! I'm gonna continue like that...I've been going 50%, now I'm like, 'let's go'."  Back at camp, he will get lectured by Tarzan, & Troyzan says he can't help it.  He's all alone, & it just feels really good to defeat everyone else, so IN YOUR FACE TARZAN!

Leif attempts to talk strategy with Tarzan while he is removing his face paint.  "It's either me or you."  Tarzan says "You don't know that."  EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

Despite the ocean being there, you just know Tarzan used spit on that cloth.

Troyzan's plans haven't changed: get Leif, Tarzan, Alicia & Christina to vote out Kim.  Since this makes sense for the 2nd week in a row, nobody listens.

At Tribal Council, Sabrina comments on Troyzan's behaviour.  "You're a great competitor, but within the last 48 hours, I have seen you morph into a creature that I can't identify."  Troyzan does the mocking sarcastic voice my 7 year old has just about perfected.  "Oh my God, it's so terrible...Troyzan the Ultimate Terror..."  They bicker back & forth until the unthinkable happens.

They broke Jeff Probst.

Troyzan gives a passionate speech to Leif, Tarzan, Alicia & Christina just before voting.  One of them will be voted out tonight, OR they can guarantee them all top 5, & vote Kim out tonight.  He points out that making this move wouldn't be "going for Troy", it would be for themselves.  It's voting time, & Kim either left her Immunity Idol at camp or she wasn't worried at all, because she doesn't play it.

There are 3 votes for Leif, 2 votes for Kim, 3 votes for Tarzan, & the last vote is for Leif.  The only person who voted for Kim with Troyzan is gone.  Hopefully there will be BBQ waiting for him at Ponderosa.

Here are Jay's Ponderosa videos.  Feast your eyes on Jay eating, Jay shaving, & Jay eating some more.  Full of pretty.

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