Thursday, April 05, 2012

Survivor One World: 24.8 Suspicion; The Un-Cola

Jonas was voted out at the last Tribal Council, making him the first member of the jury, & the first to arrive at Ponderosa.  For Americans, you can watch the Ponderosa webisodes here but for the rest of us, they are posted at the bottom of this recap (in all their food porn glory).

The Keanu tribe is now comprised of 6 women & 5 men.  Or 6 Salami & 5 Menudo.  Whichever way you split it up, Jay is suspicious.  He is rightfully concerned that now would be a great time for the girls to make a move & abandon New Salami for the original.

Troyzan & Jay collect tree mail & find an empty bottle of 7-UP.  "The Un-cola: 7-UP!" Jay says, convincingly & handsomely, hoping to land a national ad campaign.  Jay might identify with the Salami tribe now, but let's not forget he was a Menudo first, & Menudo has a history with Pepsi Co products.  He's a natural!

You better believe I'm doing that hair-comb-&-point move in the mirror right now.  I'm giving it all that I've got. ALL THE WAY.

Off to the Reward Challenge, where Keanu will be divided into 2 teams that will race down a waterslide, grab large crates from the water, & then use them to solve a puzzle.  Once you've made it down the waterslide, you can help your team with the crates.  The winning team gets a trip to a "7-UP Oasis": BBQ steaks, burgers, key lime & lemon meringue pies.  Get it?  Because 7-UP combines the refreshing taste of lemons & limes!  And now so does the BBQ!  Citrus party!  All this 7-UP talk sure has Troyzan thirsty, so he asks Jeff for a taste.  Probst obliges with one bottle for everyone to share.  Jay is so suspicious of the girls, that as he takes the bottle from Kim, he wonders if she had time to poison him while he was doing his hair.

Looks alright....
If I die, it's all on you, blue eyes.

There is a schoolyard pick to divide Keanu into teams, & Tarzan is not chosen, so he will not participate in the one challenge that would clean his poopypants for him.  Sure, he's 64 & crazy, but think about the good of the tribe, you guys.

The waterslides are huge, & while both teams keep it a close race, there are some awesome moments, like Christina getting some killer air, Alicia landing hard on her ass, & my favourite: Leif's tumble.  That dude can stop, drop & roll like nobody else, & then pop back up & sprint like crazy.  He's amazing to watch - he's all muscle & moxie.



Christina's tribe yells at her for not helping with the heavy crate, but she's just getting a head start on the puzzle, so chill you guys.  Besides, how many people can help carry a crate before someone gets in the way?  Christina stands on top of the giant puzzle, & with her guidance from above & Sabrina's from below, they win it for their tribe & will be enjoying a 7-UP BBQ with Leif, Kim & Mike.  No one is more ecstatic than Leif, who hadn't won a reward up until this point.  He spins off a crate, jumps up & down yelling "BBQ!  BBQ!" & now I'm pretty sure I have a crush on Leif.

No one is more upset at their loss than Jay, who wanted more poison-free 7-UP.

I've been waiting for this ever since the merged tribe name was announced, because you know what this makes Jay, right?

A sad Keanu.                Nailed.   It.

At the 7-UP Oasis BBQ Citrus Party, before everyone feasts on steaks marinated in 7-UP, Sabrina leads everyone in a prayer & my eyes pause mid-roll because it's actually beautiful.  She's not praying for an Immunity Idol already in her possession, or to know who to vote out when she knows who she wants to vote out but she want to hide behind God & say He told her to do it.  "Now we know what it's like to be hungry, so not only is this a prayer & grace for us, but a prayer & grace for those all over the world who are starving."  Bravo, Sabrina.  After this nice moment, Mike is stuffing his face full of coleslaw with special 7-UP dressing, & says, "This can't get any better."  Well, maybe if Kim & Sabrina weren't right behind you, solidifying plans to vote you out & have a Final 3 with Chelsea.  Maybe then it could be better.

Back at Keanu's camp, Tarzan thinks he's sipping 7-UP, but really he's gnawing on tree bark, slurping up the acidic trail of a tropical frog.  Lemony!  He is saved from a nasty tongue splinter when the reward winners bring back 7-UP for everybody.

The weather takes a turn for the worse, & while a storm is afoot, Tarzan decides to chop up part of the shelter wall.  He maintains it wasn't part of the shelter - it was just leaning there, & is offended that everyone thinks he's so stupid.  Didn't he just wow everyone with his knowledge of fecal microbes?  Tarzan particularly addresses Chelsea, who is over it & trying to ignore him.  "Chelsea has been subliminally harassing me."

In your dreams, Tarzan.

Tarzan admits he thinks he knows why Chelsea doesn't like him.  Naturally, I assume this is leading to an apology about the poopypants incident.  Nope.  "I sense an aggravation with me.  And I don't know if it's because you've had surgery & I'm a plastic surgeon & you don't like your plastic surgeon..."

Like this patient of Tarzan's, who only wanted a nose job.

Kim takes Troyzan aside.  "I just thought you should know that Mike is subtly planting the seed in lots of people's minds that you're going to win."  I would never subtly plant a seed in your mind, though, so let's focus on Mike & how awful he is.  Grrrr Mike.  Oh, & also, don't talk to Mike about any of this because...he needs to think he's safe....yeah, that's good.  I mean, correct.

The Immunity Challenge is a race across a ladder-bridge while maneuvering bags of puzzle pieces along a rope wound around it.  The first 4 move on to a tricky puzzle to race for Immunity.

Jay, Kim, Troyzan & Alicia move on to the puzzle round, & as they start the puzzle, Kat says, "This is too hard for me."  Probst points out how slow Jay is, at dead last.  "I hate puzzles" he says in return.  Probst, with the sexual innuendo of the night: "Could Jay pull this huge come-from-behind-victory out?"  Answer: Yes he can.

Back at Keanu, Leif is chilling in a box.

Jay wants to send home Christina - that way it evens out the guys & girls, & they still send a New Menudo home.  But Jay is not in control of the game right now - Kim is.  With her idol in her crotch, she has 2 strong alliances with a Final 3 alliance tucked neatly inside those.  She knows she can vote Mike out with just the girls, but she's keeping the guys close in case she needs them later.  Team Kim.

Chelsea asks Jay about voting Mike out in front of Alicia & Christina, 2 girls who shouldn't be privy to this information.  This just increases Jay's suspicions, but he's helpless at this point.  "If I don't go along with the girls & vote Mike, they may very well come after me."

Jay & Mike go for a walk & Kim chases them down.  Jay starts to tell all to Mike.  "Check this out, we were sitting back there...", & Kim interrupts, "Let's just vote Christina", ending with a very heavy stare-down with Jay, "You don't have to worry about that." wink wink.

Mike is totally loving life on the Keanu beach, happy with voting Christina out.  "I like a blindside, it's always fun.  Because there's no scrambling, everybody can just relax & go to Tribal.  As long as it doesn't happen to you, then you're ok.  I could say that now & have my tribe blindside me but I just don't see that happening."

At Tribal Council, Jay still appears suspicious & worried, even though he should be, at the very least, relieved he has an Immunity necklace.  Why so serious, Jay?  Too much "blue steel"?  Enter lovable Jonas, the first jury member.

Before Jonas
Hey, it's Jonas!

Probst asks who is worried about going home, and not one person raises their hand.  I think it's safe to say that my bags would be packed for every Tribal, but I guess you never know unless you're out there.  Probst asks how it would feel to be voted out, & Mike says, "It would definitely blow me away.  It would be a complete surprise."  Mike also says "My alliance, I think, is strong."

Tarzan goes into a "rantic" about how Jeff is being played because no one is giving him a straight answer.  Yeah, I think Probst understands being ambiguous at Tribal.  Seriously, what is this guy doing here?  Does he think he's the first person to catch on that words are chosen carefully before a vote?  Please, let's not make "getting Tarzaned" a thing.

The votes are in - 2 votes for Christina, cast by Tarzan & Mike. 2 votes for Tarzan, cast by Alicia & Christina.  Everyone else votes for Mike, although Probst only has to read 4.  The best thing about blindsides are the reaction shots after each vote is read.  Let's go on Mike's journey with him, shall we?

"Mike"   LOL that's cute.  Christina voted for me on her way out.

"Mike"  A second vote: Alicia, maybe?  Whatevs.

"Mike"                      I'm sorry, what know?

"Mike"          WTF, dudes.     W.   T.   F.

So Kim didn't even bother telling Christina & Alicia to vote Mike out!  That girl has balls, unlike this newly castrated Rooster.  They'll be feasting on capon tonight at Ponderosa!

Speaking of Ponderosa, here are those webisodes of Jonas eating, cooking, eating, flossing, eating, shaving, & eating some more.

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