The Confectionery - 5

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

LEGO BREAKING BAD

A reddit user posted photos of the LEGO Breaking Bad meth lab that his friend, @BRADBRADBRAD made.  It is wonderful.  Here are a few of the photos:

 
Gus with the Los Pollos Hermanos chicken just kills me.  Love it.  You can check out the rest of the photos, including Walt Jr. not eating breakfast, here.

MARS LANDING = SEVEN MINUTES OF TERROR

This video details just how intense the upcoming Mars landing will be, & how it will be "Seven minutes of terror".  Fascinating.  There's a floating crane involved.  A floating crane.

AVENGERS INTRO - FIREFLY STYLE

Exactly what it sounds like - a re-imagining of the Avengers intro, done in the style of Firefly, with that shiny theme song.  I don't know how this makes perfect sense, but it does.

SOCKS WITH CAPES

I just want to hug the person that came up with these.  They also come in Wonder Woman & Batman.  Buy them here.

SARAH SLEAN VIDEO - THE DEVIL & THE DOVE

Somehow, images have been found that equal the beauty & haunting quality of Sarah Slean's song The Devil & The Dove.  Filmed in Pouch Cove, Newfoundland, the video showcases the beautiful scenery & people of this town, which happens to be very close to where much of my family in Newfoundland resides.  From the YouTube blurb:  It was here, in a little shack by the sea with a grand piano, a bed, a table, chair and kettle (little else), Sarah completed composing the songs and four orchestral scores for this incredible collection. "...one of the most inspiring places on Earth.... It's impossible to be distracted from the powerful presence of Life itself here - the rugged land, the ever-changing weather, the magnificent, powerful ocean...it's a place to ponder the vast expanse of time before and beyond us, to ponder the wondrous marvel of being."

Just sit back & enjoy a true Canadian treasure.

CANADIAN EROTICA: FORBIDDEN PASSION, UNSPEAKABLE POLITENESS

Speaking of Canadiana, the wonderful Scott Feschuk has written a very Canadian response to the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon.  Although I refuse to read this poorly written smut (I'll stick to quality porn, thanks), I am confident that this piece is better in every way.  Here's an excerpt:

My inner goddess yearns to be touched by this tragic figure with the jaw of a lumberjack and the clothes also of a lumberjack.
“Do you like my beaver?”
“Sure, but it looks a little small next to the stuffed caribou,” I say.

There are also Leaf references, beer, & Timbits.  Read the entire excerpt here.

YOUNG RYAN GOSLING DANCING

I will leave you with the video that made everyone smile this week.  It also made me wish I was a Mormon in 1991, & was attending this talent show.  I'm fairly certain I had the same silk shirt, only in gold & maroon.  I'm just as cool as Ryan Gosling.

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!

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Zombie Decor

So, you want to join the trend of Zombie decor that's taken over the world?  If you want to be exactly like everyone else, fine.

First, you need a kid who is passionate about zombies & art, & who has a crazy idea to decorate the house with zombies.  Any kind of zombie will do, but my kid wanted zombies from Plants vs. Zombies.

So, put that kid to work. 

Next, you need to cut out all this awesome art.  You'll probably have to do this work yourself, since kids suck with scissors.  Seriously, they're fucking awful.  If your kid is as considerate as the one I used, he'll let you know what needs to be cut out, & maybe even hover over your shoulder to make sure you're doing it right.  Try to remember you are assisting an artist with his Masterpiece here, so respect the process & don't be a douche.  If your kid wants a zombie cut down to his exposed tibia, you do it, & you do it perfectly.

Once your art is properly cut & ready for mounting, you have to decide how to place them on the wall.  If dealing with Plants vs Zombies as we were, it can lead to very heated discussions.  Surely we need Dolphin Rider!  Make sure Football Zombie & Garangtour are in the Melon-pult row...& let's add a Hypno-Shroom to be safe.  Maybe a Mine-Cart Zombie would be a welcome addition!  Soccer Zombie, too!

Once you have reached a layout agreement with your kid, attach zombies to a poster to place on the wall, or if you just don't care, tape them right on the wall.  (You can guess what we did).

The result: a zombie-themed wall, just like everybody else in the world.  So boring.

Read more about this overdone trend here.  If you want to conform.



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Brave - A Redheaded Review

Last week, my son & I went to an advanced screening of Brave, which opens in theatres tomorrow.  You can check out this short piece I wrote for www.howtobearedhead.com, a site from & for redheads.  Yes, we need our own site.  Do YOU know where to find ginger-coloured mascara?  Merida would.  Actually, she would probably make it herself.  She's self-sufficient that way.


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The Confectionery - 4

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

 NATHAN FILLION ON TWITTER

There are celebrities that never interact with their followers/fans, instead tweeting about appearances or upcoming movies or albums.  This cannot be said of Nathan Fillion...in fact, I don't know if any celebrity has as much fun with twitter.  If you're not following @NathanFillion (now best known as Castle, but in my heart forever as Firefly's Captain Mal), get on it.  A day after Matthew Lewis, aka Neville Longbottom, tweeted a photo of himself & Nathan hanging out (a nerd girl dream if ever there was one), Nathan created a scavenger hunt of sorts for his London followers.  He tweeted "Ok, London. I left you a treat. Tweet a pic when you find it.", accompanied by this photo:

An hour later, a fantastic Serenity keychain (signed by Nathan) was found by a guy with Firefly characters painted on his headphones.  Does anything make me more happy?  Not right now.

Those are ridiculously amazing, & apparently made by @Bobsmade.  WELL DONE.

Later that day, Nathan hid a Dr. Horrible item, & when the first follower to reach that spot found nothing, Nathan tweeted: "Some heathen must have grabbed it. Tell you what. I’ll leave a package where only you can get it. Tomorrow good?"  The guy goes above & beyond awesome, & I'd just like to point out that he is Canadian & should probably be our King.

Celebrate his awesomeness with a scene/song from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, just because.

YELLOW SERENITY T-SHIRT

This new "want" of mine is a mashup of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine art & Serenity (captained by one Captain Mal, of course).  It is glorious - although I suggest getting it in brown, because duh.  You can buy it here.

BATH SALT PUPPIES

The face-eating zombie puppies are coming.  And you won't run away because they're too damn cute.

LEGO HAUNTED HOUSE

For the first time ever, LEGO has created a haunted house, & it is gorgeous.  Their new Monster Fighters line currently has a Ghost Train, a Vampire Castle & a Mad Scientist's Lab, but coming in September is this thing of beauty:

Yes, please.

THE A.V. CLUB'S R.E.M. PILGRIMAGE

As an enormous R.E.M. fan, it was lovely to see this video of a trip to Athens, Georgia, the birthplace of R.E.M.  Many sites that are integral to the history of R.E.M. are featured, among them:

Weaver D's, the restaurant with a familiar slogan.

The kudzu patch from the cover of their debut album, Murmur.

The trestle from the back of that album.

The video can be seen here, & it is a must for any fan of music history.

CONAN O'BRIEN + KIDS = THE BLUES

There isn't much that needs to be said about this.  It is hilarious, & I am in love with Nathaniel - & just this once, I don't mean Fillion.

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!


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Joel McHale: Live at Casino Rama

There is never enough Joel McHale in my life.  The actor in NBC's Community (#sixseasonsandamovie) & host of E!'s clip show The Soup is always welcome on my television screen.  I had assumed everyone with a TV felt the same way, but I was shocked by how many of my friends asked "who?" when I told them I would be going to his first show in Canada.  "Is he an indie singer or something?"

OMG you guys! I'm talking about Joel-fucking-McHale!

Even up at Casino Rama, not many seemed to know who he was (although it's a safe bet that the college dudes in hoodies who were giggling at elderly gamblers did).  Our server at dinner was surprised that the comedian in the venue that night was also on Community.  "I guess I should have told my brother he was here - he watches that show."  When choosing our tickets, the box office staff recommended the tiered seating, far from the stage...but, she mentioned nonchalantly, she could also give us 11th row, centre, if we actually wanted to see him.  Hmmm...you've never even seen a photo of Joel McHale, have you, Susan?  He is not one of those redneck comedians on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour that stops here in Orillia occasionally.  I want to inhale the scent of this guy (scotch, cinnamon & newborn baby).

Was she warning me he might be TOO handsome in person?

I was super excited for this show, as I know I am Jeff Winger's dream girl.  Not Joel McHale's: both Joel & I are happily married (to 2 very lucky people, obviously).  I am the dream girl of his Community character, Jeff.  The 0:55 mark has the proof.

So, I wanted to look my best, should Joel McHale saunter past the bar & notice the redhead drinking scotch & shouting "YippeeKaiYay, mother fucker!" at random intervals.

Maybe driving for an hour & a half with open windows wasn't a great idea.

I wondered how Joel's live show would go over with those who only knew him from Community, or those who just wandered into the show from the casino floor, not knowing who he is.  I can say with absolute certainty that it didn't matter - the material was hilarious, Joel was funny & charming, & we didn't stop laughing once*.  

There are fantastic shots from the Casino Rama show here (warning: he is handsome), & I only wish it had been recorded because I want to watch it again.

Joel's stand-up felt like being at a taping of The Soup, but without the TV clips.  There were in-depth, hilariously animated stories about how short Ryan Seacrest is, & how much the Kardashians (or, "the gaggle of gypsies & a scarecrow") hate him for all the awful things he says about them.  There were I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant jokes, & Hillbilly Handfishin' jokes, which had the older gentleman a few rows in front of us taking off his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes as he shook with laughter.  Despite the recent Community shake-ups, there wasn't a great deal of dirt, other than some jokes about how old & out of touch Chevy Chase is.  I read an interview where when asked about Chevy, Joel said he was "a...true original", so that gives you an idea of the general tone surrounding the Chevy jokes.

As much as I thrive on the mockery & sarcasm Joel spews towards his celebrity targets, his stories about his family were the real highlights.  Joel recounted his father's winning war on retail: the man successfully returned a jacket after 8 years of wearing it.  Joel's insistence that his son Eddie is either "a retard or a genius" (but nothing in between) was brilliant**.  This is a young child who, when he came face to face with a little person, pointed & yelled, "What is that?"  There is a great story about Eddie's desire to be a light switch for Halloween, & Joel realizing too late that he had made the straps too long, resulting in a suggestive placement of the switch his son kept switching on & off.

We even got some Canadian content, perhaps since Joel's Mother is from Vancouver, making Joel 1/2 Canadian.  Which 1/2?  "My dick."  Before the show, Joel had tweeted that he'd like something from Tim Horton's, preferably "a double-double with scotch."  He ran out on stage with a box of Tim's coffee & a dozen doughnuts that he passed down to the front row.  

He seemed surprised at our lack of sports enthusiasm, but this is a crowd that watches The Soup.  He proceeded with the CFL jokes anyway. "I like the Hamilton Tiger-cats, because Tiger-cats really reinforces what it is."

Later in the show, Joel sang the first 2 words of a Barenaked Ladies song specifically to annoy his audience.  "It's been..."  It's been stuck in my head since Friday night, is what it's been.  But since it now makes me think of Joel McHale, & this "handsome, funny, handsome, good-looking" show, I'm ok with that.

*I did take short breaks from laughing for the purposes of swooning, but then it was right back to the laughing.

**Eddie is a genius

If you aren't familiar with The Soup, it rounds up the best of the worst TV of the week & makes fun of it (& if anyone knows how one would get the job of watching all of this awful television for The Soup, please let me know).  I discovered this show 2 years ago, & a week does not seem complete without it.  The Soup airs Wednesdays at 10pm, & it is so low-budget that when Joel (or a guest) screws up a line, there's no retake.  I love that.

Watch Joel share the glory of Sci-Fi's "Super Shark" with us, & wonder why you haven't been watching this awesome show.

More Joel McHale, always.
To find out if Joel will be near you, check out his tour dates here.


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The Confectionery - 3

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

LIFE-SIZED IRON THRONE

My living room houses a badass dragon bust (meant to hold a sword, but we just haven't found the right one for us yet, you know?), statues of both Gandalf & Gollum, a bottle of True Blood, Harry Potter's letter from Hogwarts, the Marauder's Map, a chocolate frog, decrees from Dolores Umbridge, & Game of Thrones steins (from houses Stark & Targaryen).  The only thing left to complete this nerd oasis can be purchased here.

Ned Stark + Ice not included.

An Iron Throne of your very own will only cost you $30,000 plus $1800 for shipping.  If I had this, I would consider the game WON.

PROMETHEUS vs JOEL McHALE

There is a Prometheus viral video going around - an advertisement for the android Michael Fassbender plays in the movie.  There are no spoilers, just a little information on the kind of robotic feat "David" is:

Joel McHale did a spoof of this video for The Soup.  It is all kinds of amazing.

At Buzzfeed, they broke both down into sections, for a detailed comparison.  Did chess ever stand a chance against Hungry Hungry Hippos & table tossing?  Joel FTW.

20 SMILING SLOTHS

20 smiling sloths.  That's all it is.  Click on that link & check out 19 more photos of cuteness like these:

This guy didn't even make the list. THAT'S HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

I love these photos & I understand Kristen Bell's over-the-top obsession with sloths.  If you haven't seen her freak out & become overwhelmed with joy at the thought of being near a real sloth, you must watch it now.  Hilarious.

WOOKIIE/EWOK DRESS

At etsy, you can buy yourself (or me) this cute, furry dress that with a few adjustments can be either a Wookiie dress or an Ewok dress:

But where would you wear such a thing?, you ask?  THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE THE WOOKIIE DRESS.

Among other items the seller, Nerd Alert Designs, has on offer is this super cute dress featuring the illustrations from Alice in Wonderland.  YES.

VOICE ACTORS READ STAR WARS

This took place at a Seattle ComicCon in March, 2012.  Voice actors from some of the most iconic cartoons of the past few decades (Ren & Stimpy, Pinky & the Brain, Futurama, Transformers...) pulled out their voices & some impersonations to read the Star Wars script like you've never heard it before.  The characters/voices switch between scenes, but a few of my favourite choices are Bender (Futurama) as Luke, William Shatner as C-3P0, & Christopher Walken as R2-D2.  And the whole thing is narrated by Batman.  EPIC.

STAR WARS RELATIVITY (M.C. ESCHER)

This is just too cool.  Paul Vermeesch has built a LEGO diorama of M.C. Escher's famous mind-bending print, Relativity:

Check out this page, where more detail from each section/scene is shown, including Vader cutting off Luke's hand.  Awesome work.

HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK PHOTOS OF METAL/HARD ROCK MUSICIANS

Even the most badass of badasses had high school yearbook photos.  These are funny.  Alice Cooper, Jon Bon Jovi & Scott Weiland made me giggle.  Linkin Park's Chester looks like every single guy in my high school yearbook, but only one made me laugh.  Out loud.

Metallica's Kirk Hammett

Also Kirk Hammett

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!




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Missed Movie: Robocop

When Robocop came out in 1987, I was 9 years old: too young to watch or care about anything that didn't feature pink ponies.  Robocop became one of those movies - the movies you just never get around to watching, even thought you know you should.

With a remake in the works starring The Killing's Joel Kinnaman, I decided to finally watch the original to justify my excitement for the version where this man's face gets a clear helmet/visor:

I'd buy that for a dollar.

With a reason, Netflix, & a willing husband for company, I sat down to watch Robocop for the first time on Friday night.  Instead, we ended up watching Transformers: Dark of the Moon, a choice which I deeply, deeply regret.  We sat down to try again last night, vowing not to be seduced by a younger movie.  Dead or alive, Robocop was coming with me.  Into my living room.

...it sounded clever in my head.



[Spoilers Ahead] 

[...if a 25 year old movie needs a spoiler alert...]



First of all, this movie was nothing like I expected it to be.  I have to admit that I always thought Robocop was just a cop in a metal suit...like an Officer Ironman.  I had no idea this was R rated until the scene with ED-209 made it abundantly clear.  I had assumed Robocop was PG-13 because the fake premise I had in my head seemed tailor-made for teenaged boys.  I was WRONG.  It was seriously graphically violent (which I approve of, in the context).  When Murphy was horrifically & repeatedly shot by Red Forman & his hyena crew, I was genuinely stunned by:
a) the amount of blood Paul Verhoeven thinks is in an arm (that can't be right, can it?).
b) that Murphy actually died.  Like I said, I thought he just put a suit on & arrested bad guys.

I already knew Peter Weller played Robocop, because when he showed up in season 5 of Dexter, my husband said "Hey, it's Robocop!"  So when Murphy showed up in Robocop, I thought, "Hey! Vacation shirt shady guy!"

Maybe I've been spoiled because I've read so many convincing stories that explore humanity*, but I found the "journey" of Robocop a little dull.  Here are the main points leading to his "transformation":
-he still does the gun twirl thing he learned for his son.
-the name Murphy seems familiar.
-he dreams of his death.

Seeing Emil at the gas station triggers something more, but it's not really clear if it's just memories or actual feelings, a distinction Robocop makes when speaking of his family.  Sure, the helmet coming off symbolizes the return of a humanity of sorts, but is it Murphy's humanity, or just human-like qualities left over from brain damage because he was, you know, dead?  (Also, I didn't cry, & I cry at everything.  I should feel something when a robot realizes that he used to have a human life, with a wife & son, until he was brutally murdered & turned into a machine with big guns, right?)  The dude is badass, yes.  Is he the same guy he was before he became Robocop?  I don't buy it - he never even tries to find his family.  "Where are they?"  "They've moved on."  "Ok.  Let's get some revenge."  That is a robot speaking, not a man.  Remind me to find Johnny Number 5 when I want some robot pathos.

Note to my husband: If you ever become a robot killing-machine, I still want you in my life, K?  I promise to make your food-substance paste, charge your battery & clean your gears ifyouknowwhatimean.

The future that Robocop predicts doesn't look too far off from reality.**  Future dystopian Detroit looks a lot like 2012 Detroit, but with less Kwame Kilpatrick drama.  We have ridiculous commercials & sensationalist journalism, & even some of the same gadgets. 

iPods!

Overall, I think the movie ages extremely well.  Aside from the dated hair/wardrobe on half the characters, it's all very well done.  The makeup & prosthetics on Toxic Waste Guy were incredible.

Toxic Waste: that shit works fast.

And although it made me giggle, the stop-motion robot ED-209 was quite the feat in 1987.  To me, it looks like a Robot Chicken bit, but listening to these guys discuss it, I get that it was a big deal, & rightly so.

I will leave you with this compilation of all the times someone is thrown through a glass window or door in Robocop.  Very entertaining, AND it includes the one rewind-&-rewatch moment for me: Dick's fall to his death.

*Two of my favourite novels by Robert J Sawyer explore the human condition exceptionally well, from different angles: Mindscan, taking place in a future where minds (thoughts, memories, your very being) could be uploaded into an android (handy if your body is failing you, but raising questions of legality & rights), & The Terminal Experiment, in which a man creates 3 copies of his mind - 1 an exact replica, & 2 that are modified to simulate life after death & immortality, & the consequences of their choices & actions.  Both excellent novels that dive into what it means to be human.

**Again with the Robert J Sawyer, check out his cool list of science fiction predictions that came true.



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LEGO City for Wii U

The Nintendo Wii U system is scheduled to be released just in time for the holiday season, & this morning at E3, a few of the games were announced.

Among the new titles for the new system are a new Super Mario game, & one I'm very excited about, LEGO City, being described as Grand Theft Auto meets LEGO.

I AM IN.

I love, love, love the LEGO games that are based on licensed material.  Batman, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, & Pirates of the Caribbean: I love every single one & cannot wait for the release of their Lord of The Rings game.

The LEGO games are filled with hours & hours of content, wonderful (& familiar) stories, humour, & gorgeous soundtracks. They are, quite simply, fun.  I can play them by myself or with my son...& LEGO is just awesome.

All of our LEGO games are for our PS3, but I guess I'll be buying a Nintendo Wii U.

For more on the Nintendo Wii U, check out this great article.

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The Confectionery - 2

These are the things that I think are great.  So great that I want to sing about them.

THE MOTHER OF DISNEY DRAGONS

I first saw this Game of Thrones/Disney mashup on Popped Culture, a site I can't believe had gone unnoticed by me for so long.  The only thing that would make this better would be the addition of Mushu, from Mulan.  I might be the only person with lots of love for Mulan.  First of all, Lea Salonga.  Second of all, Donny Osmond as a Chinese warrior.  I mean, come on.  Anyway, Mushu is Eddie Murphy's Shrek Donkey, but in Chinese dragon form, & also, MUSHU CAME FIRST.

In the morning, I'm making crullers!

LIP DUB PROPOSAL

This is the kind of thing New Directions would have done for Mr. Schuester's proposal to Ms. Pillsbury, except they had already performed this song at the Hummel/Hudson wedding (which doesn't make any sense, because if we're at our wedding...of course I want to marry you), so instead, they sang Rihanna's We Found Love in a Hopeless Place.  I don't think Glee plans out its seasons very well.

At first, I thought it was a Honda CRV commercial.  Why else would the opening blurb so explicitly state the model of vehicle used?  It didn't matter, because I was sobbing 1 minute into it anyway.  Turns out it's all real, & everyone involved is either a friend/family member.  Very sweet, very fun, very jazz hands.  Love it.

CANDY NECKLACES - NOW WITH MORE BACON

I love bacon.  I am also a girl who wore a candy necklace to both her prom & graduation.  I found this at a site that's a great time-sucker: Archie McPhee.  They do not ship to Canada, so if any Americans would care to purchase 100 of these & send them to me, I'll be forever grateful.

HARRY POTTER/GAME OF THRONES SHIRT

This blog could easily turn into a gift-giving guide for the nerd girl in your life, & speaking of things to buy for me, this shirt is at the top of my WANT list.  As in MUST HAVE.    Buy it here.  Dark grey, medium girly fit.  Thnx.

GARFUNKEL & OATES

These girls are funny, & in this song, they play the same woman, 3 years apart: at 29, & at 31.  That's really all you need to know.

Those were my favourite internet sweets of the past week.  Come back next week for more goodies!


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