Monday, March 03, 2014

Survivor: Cagayan - Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty - Premiere - Acting Like a Garrett

Season 28 begins with the 3 tribes arriving via different modes of transportation, just so we know they're very different.  The Beauties are on a boat, so the wind can whip through their hair while the choppy waters provide just the right amount of chest bounce-age.  The Brains are in a helicopter so they can look down at the dummies, and we're told they have an average IQ of 130...which doesn't seem terribly impressive.  The Brawns are in a flatbed barreling down a dirt road, so they can show off their muscles by holding on.

Probst tells them they've been divided into tribes "based on 3 of the qualities it takes to succeed in this game."

Brawn

Brains

Beauty

This season, it was suggested to me that my 9 year old son should collaborate with me on my recaps, and Kai is SO up for it.  Truth be told, I should have been doing this with Kai since his "Penner's eyes are so blue he looks like one of Loki's minions" comment during Philippines.  This season, all of Kai's contributions will appear in red text.  They'll also most likely be better & funnier than anything I come up with.

"What tribe would I be on? BRONZE.  The metal.  The colour of my hair."

Probst asks the Survivors if they can figure out which tribe they're in.  He asks them like this:


Morgan answers with what can be considered a catchphrase after the second use in 4 minutes, right?


Probst then has the tribes wordlessly select a leader, and then has the leader select the weakest member of the tribe.  You know, to build that sense of tribe loyalty & pride from the very beginning.  On the Brawn tribe, Sarah chooses Trish, for the Brains, David chooses Garrett, & for the Beauties, LJ chooses Morgan because:



"I don't think cute is different than hot.  It's basically the same thing.  Guys like girls who are cute and hot.  But the beautiful, gorgeous girls...the ones with the big words...sexy girls...those are the girls that guys love."

(After Kai said that, I told him he was cute.  "...Or am I hot?  Apparently there's a difference I was not aware of.")

The chosen "weak" members get to the camp early, where they have a choice between a second bag of rice for the tribe, or a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol.  Trish chooses the rice for her tribe, while both Garrett & Morgan choose to look for the idol.  It's not like either of their tribes will be needing extra rice this early in the game, amiright?

Garrett finds the Hidden Immunity Idol, so he's totally guaranteed to stick around for a long time.

"I have a feeling Garrett is going to get David back."

Morgan is searching for the idol when the rest of the Beauties appear, & she comes up with a decent lie based on the few supplies they're given: "I hope you guys like what I picked - I picked rice, shelter stuff & fishing stuff."

LJ is still suspicious though, given that she's "already in her underwear, just like a mermaid that just walked out of the ocean."



The Beauties are the first tribe to make fire, because, duh, they're hot.

"I don't have a favourite on the Beauty tribe."

Over on the Brawn tribe, Cliff tells everyone the truth - that he's a former NBA player, & everyone is impressed, but still Chop me down some more bamboo, 8' tall guy.

"Cliff is my favourite Brawn. He played in the NBA. That's sick."

Sarah, a cop, is convinced that Tony is also a cop.  Tony is, but doesn't want to admit it because he doesn't want everyone to know that he is, indeed, "strategical".



The Brains begin building their shelter, using the blueprints in J'Tia's mind.  She's a Nuclear Engineer, so they can all trust that she knows what she's doing, and is super sane.  She bosses everyone around, & the shelter falls apart.  But she means well!  Clearly, she's a lady who just wants what's best for her tribe.

Off to the first Immunity Challenge, in which Jeff points out, "whatever brains they have have clearly evaporated 72 hours into this game.  Un-be-lievable how far behind they are."  The Beauties win, Brawn comes in second, and the Brains are off to Tribal Council.

"Why can I never see a camera?  How do they do that?"

Back at the Brains' camp, Tasha says "We're book smart, but when it comes to playing this game, we're dumb." David wants Garrett gone for the same reason he chose him as the weakest - he sees him as a threat at the end of the game.  Remember when Penner wouldn't commit to a Final 4 in Philippines because that was looking too far ahead?  They were at the Final 8 at that point.  Episode 10.  David is at the Final 18.  THE PREMIERE.

Kass, whom I adore because #TEAMMOM will always be a thing, is adamant that they should instead vote based on tribe harmony.  She suggests that instead of voting out the strongest person on their tribe, maybe they should go with, you know, the tribe member who was bossing everyone around to build their idea of a shelter that only would support 6 people theoretically?  "She's dead weight."  Besides, if they vote out J'Tia, she's excited for the opportunity to say:


J'Tia approaches Kass & says Who are are you thinking of voting for tonight?  Kass says, "Honestly, I'm leaning towards you."

"Why would Kass tell her that?"
"She says she wants to be honest."
"Who's honest on Survivor?  Survivor's like the Internet."

J'Tia is worried - she didn't think her assertiveness was coming across as bossy - but Tasha & Garrett reassure her. Garrett steers them towards voting for David.

"I was right."

Spencer is down to vote for David, but wonders aloud about how strange it is that no idol clues have come into play.

"I like Spencer, because he's good at my favourite sport.  Chess."

At Tribal Council, before everyone is seated, Garrett freaks out over a spider.


Probst thinks this is nuts "given all you've been through".  Jeff, please.  A spider is still a spider.  And we didn't actually see the spider.  They are on an island in The Philippines.  It could have looked like this:


"Who are they going to get rid of? I don't like J'Tia because she's bossy.  I don't like Garrett because he's acting like a Garrett.  Even though he's, I think(?), smart, he should be on the Brawn tribe. The cast people messed up." 

Time to vote, & David is voted out, much to Kai's chagrin.  But not because he liked David.

"I was hoping it would go to the rocks because it was tied for a moment there.  The rocks are exciting.  But I feel good because this is just the first episode and there will be many moments where I'll think it might go to the rocks."

The next morning at Camp Brain, J'Tia asks if anyone has suggestions for starting the fire.  Sounds like someone has accepted the criticism she received from her fellow tribe members, & is now trying to be more of a team player.  Things can only improve!

Garrett has a confessional where he talks about what a terrible time he's having.


Kai is bewildered to the point where we have to press pause.

"Garrett said he's not having fun playing Survivor? It's not an adventure? He was searching for an Idol in a waterfall! And he said he likes vegetables? Do you see what I mean about this guy?"

I actually didn't, at this point.  I really liked Garrett in the first hour of Survivor.  It can't be easy to be singled out from the start, especially when he probably expected to be a dominating, valued tribe member.

Over at the Brawn tribe, Cliff & Woo take their boat out on a fishing expedition.  They capsize almost immediately.



"I really like Cliff.  He has a really nice laugh."

Everyone loves Cliff, & Tony seems to think it's because they're all fans, but they seem to genuinely like this genuinely like-able guy.

Brice is astutely aware of most of the games his Beauty tribe-mates are playing. "There's a lot of people playing dumb out here, and I am on to it."  Well, he thinks some of them are playing dumb.  As for Jefra,


Over at the Brawn tribe, Trish & Tony bond over their frustration that everyone is fawning over Cliff instead of being more involved with building the shelter.  Tony almost shares confidential intel as to why he's cool with building it solo, but says he's tell Trish later.  You see, Tony has been working on the Brawns' shelter.  But it's no ordinary shelter.  Tony is too "strategical" for that.   On one side, it's just a functional shelter on the beach.  But on the other, there are leaves that he can listen through.  Oh, yeah.

But that sounds like any old shelter that anyone could stand behind and listen in on conversations, you say.
NONSENSE.   This is a high-tech surveillance system.
This is a #SPYSHACK, & the Brawns are most likely still being monitored today.  I expect Tony will have wiretaps authorized for Beauty & Brains before Day 20.


Off to the Immunity Challenge.

"'For the losers, nothing but a date with me tonight at Tribal Council'...that's funny.  Jeff Probst is funny."

The Brains end up with a huge lead in the last portion, which is a puzzle.  J'Tia cannot get it done, and before long, both Beauty & Brawn finish ahead of her.  The Brains are heading back to Tribal Council, & J'Tia is pretty sure she's doomed.

At Camp Brawn, everyone congratulates Sarah for her killer puzzle skills, and Tony finds an Idol clue in their reward basket of seasonings.  He finds the Idol under water, & taken out of context, it seems highly inappropriate.

At the Brains, Garrett decides everyone should tell the group who they're voting for, and then stick together so there's no chance of scrambling or having strategic conversations of any kind.  (Oh, okay.  I see what Kai meant about this guy now).  Everyone reluctantly admits they think J'Tia should go, & J'Tia is left to spend the rest of the day knowing it's her last day, which should be super fun!

Tasha is not on board with this & has a mini freak out & it is amazing & I love her.


Spencer is also lamenting the stupid move Garrett made.  "It would have been so easy to just tell J'Tia what she wants to hear...but now we have to babysit these girls."

At some point in the day, Tasha & Kass manage to get away & discuss voting Garrett out instead.  When Garrett notices the girls have gone off to have one of the dreaded side conversations he forbade, he & Spencer go down to the water to babysit.  Leaving J'Tia alone with what was once a full bag of rice.  Kass is worried that leaving J'Tia alone will lead to disaster, but Garrett assures her, "There are no shenanigans."

Oh, there are shenanigans.


"This is like what that other guy did.  Rude."



The rest of the Brains return to the shelter.  Kass asks, "Who poured rice on the fire?"  J'Tia says, "I don't know."  Kass answers like a Mom: "I don't know?  The Rice Fairy?"

The Crispy Rice Fairy, maybe.


Off to Tribal Council, where J'Tia says of the rice incident: "Not my best moment."  Garrett slips up & mentions the alliance, then mentions who's in the alliance, then spends the rest of Tribal Council trying to twist his words around.  Time to vote.

"I wish I had that Survivor marker."

Garrett, who has an Idol but left it at camp, is voted out.

"Yes! So wait - the girl who poured out the rice & sucked in the challenge & was bossy gets to stay?  Something big is going to happen to that tribe in the next episode. I can just estimate it."

I really loved these first 2 episodes of Survivor - let me know your thoughts below in the comments, on twitter (@MomofKai) or on this blog's Facebook page!  I hope you enjoyed the LEGO & Kai's contributions!



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